I was not a person who ever believed in marriage as an institution.
Don't get it twisted - I always believed in love ,I just thought that the whole drama that comes with institutionalizing it is quite pointless and unnecessary. Like,what the piece of paper changes exactly? I felt like that paper is not there for a couple but for the society so you can prove to the world around you that your love is "that" serious. For real?
Secondly,I was wondering why most of people who are actually married don't seem excited and happy about it,in fact,I always used to get impression (from their body languages and face expressions maybe) like they are exhausted,bored and annoyed to death.
Meanwhile,everyone is generally much more enthusiastic while dating.Let me ask again,what that little piece of paper does to people? How does marriage certificate changes nature of relationship between two people for worse? Hello?!
Even when I finally got married,some fears were still present and my resistance towards marriage as an institution didn't completely vanish.
Norms. Terms. Regulations. Obligations. Expectations.Rules.
Is that what marriage is all about? Someone already prescribed what we "must" do as "married women" or "married men". And even before we get married ,we are already seriously brainwashed with tones of expectations and that is,in my opinion,the source of most issues,frustration and fights that follow the famous institution of marriage.
Let me explain.
Moment you start feeling like your partner has obligation to do or not do certain things,you automatically close space and door for appreciation. "Wait ,must I clap for you because you made me a dinner? Are you not my wife?" Or " What is a big deal,you did not do me a favor,you are just providing for your family like a man was suppose to! Or what,I should go to other men and ask them to get it done for me?"
You feel me?
That shit doesn't normally happen while we are dating as much as it happens when we marry,simply because we now feel like other person owe us for being our spouse and the expectations the idea of marriage programs in our minds makes us take all the efforts your partner makes -for granted. " Isn't that what he/she was suppose to do anyways?"
Expectations based on these "norms" also make us always seek for what is not there instead of focusing on beautiful moments,features and gestures that are present.
Just because someone was brainwashing you all your life about what "marriage was suppose to be" doesn't mean it must happen that way, to the book. It's not a script we try to manifest in reality.
Every couple's story is different,individual and unique,so focus on you two and stop comparing your partner to your mother,father or lives other married people live (or you think they do).
Start focusing on effort.You will see how hard your partner actually tries for you. Train yourself to see everything he/she does for you as an act of his/hers good,free will (despite the fact your mom did it for your dad everyday or vica versa) and you will start loving them on a whole different level.
Because,the truth is,whether you like it or not,he/she did not really have to do it at the end of the day,
The truth is,as human beings that we are,our worst behavior comes out when we feel unappreciated,taken for granted,unnoticed and not valued enough. That is how you start holding a heavy heart and hard feelings against your partner and it affects your general attitude towards him/her. Women start nagging,complaining,always unhappy and moody,men stop coming back home. That is how married couples create a gap and distance between each other and end up living like roommates,if not strangers.
The whole beauty of union between two people is not about wearing a ring or posting Instagram quotes and "couple goals" pictures ,it is is in appreciation.
The moment you forget to appreciate,you will stop seeing how loved and special you actually are to that person and magic will vanish.
I know it is not easy,but forget rules and norms. It's not about what a married man or a woman was suppose or not suppose to do,say,wear.
Don't allow it affect the raw nature of relationship you two already built for yourselves.
The one and only norm that must be obeyed is happiness and fun you need to have together.
Forget everyone else's opinion,marriage is for two of you only.
FOCUS MORE ON THE NATURE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP THAN IDEA OF MARRIAGE EVEN AFTER YOU TIGHT KNOTS. Common,it is really not THAT serious.
Let no one and nothing spoil your fun.