Friday, 15 January 2016

Help me answer: Is Passion and Affection Really Important In Adult Relationship/Marriage or It's Not Necessary?

I wander how you guys see this things: do you see affection and passion as quite important features of one healthy relationship?

I find it soooo important and necessary to the point Im not sure if it's only me or other females also crave it badly.
And what of guys?

The idea of "good relationship" changes as we are growing older and getting mature,from "Young Love" where we lacked ambitions and directions,plan and program,had plenty free time and ability of spending days in bed with person we love.
Carefree love with a lot of sweet kisses,wild passion,sleepless nights,hands holding,all day chatting,to an "Adult Love" where we decide on building an empire with person we choose to share life with,relationship with much more wisdom,common sense,way more thinkable relationship where long phone calls and long morning cuddles are replaced with breakfasts in hurry,sweet talk with expenses plans,salaries and business ideas and where we most of the time spend grinding, trying to make sure we tame upcoming future and make it bright,for the sake of our kids,of course.

Relationship with goals,plans and direction  is absolutely something every normal adult should be grateful for,but at some point I get confused..

Is it okay to completely trade a passion and affection for "partnership"?
Or pinch of "young love" in an adult relationship is way to spice up the intimacy between couples since we are not robots,we have needs as humans.

Somehow I strongly believe that in world full of seriousness,bills and deadlines,you need to get "carried away" from time to time for the sake of balance needed between your mind,body and soul.

I would like to hear your opinions,men and women,both because I'm not sure if I am giving too much importance to this or not.

I also think it has a lot to do with culture we belong to and the way we were brought up.

How important that teenage passion,excitement and affection  is in your relationship/marriage  as an adult?

If no,why?

If yes,why and how to you keep it alive?

16 Reasons Why You Should Stop Online Checking On People You Dislike/Hate

We can't possibly like everyone. There will always be people we dislike,find annoying and irritating (some even end up hating),weather for a concrete reasons (bad experience,ex partners or friends,partner's exes etc) or without any explainable reason,maybe based on our personal impression,rumors we heard,maybe jealousy and envy..Sometimes we dislike people we have never met (nether we will probably ever meet).
However,social media makes entire world seem like one tiny little village,and it serves us people's lives on a big plate ready to satisfy our nosy nature.

Everybody does Instagram stalking (don't you dare to lie),especially ones that are regularly trying to prove to their followers how "unbothered" they are,but what if our need to lurk here and there turn into an obsession especially when it comes to people which existence (for some reason) makes us angry?

For some reason ,pages and profiles of people we dislike are specially tempting us,but it's truly not a healthy "hobby".

I came with some very good reasons why you should tame your stubborn "looking _for_trouble" nature and just move to things that makes your heart smile instead on focusing on things that makes it burn down.

Let's start:

 1.    It will definitely affect your mood negativity. Having a person that irritates you so much in your mind whole day will stop you from enjoying beautiful things around you
 2.    There is a high possibility that ,if not for social media,you won't even see or hear about people you dislike (I don't like using word "hate") in "real life". So why are you "inviting them over" by yourself?
3. People always tend to share a nice moments on social media. If you are scrolling someone's IG page with a hope to see them doing bad-wrong move. You would only get extra disappointed and extra angry.
4. You will end up (subconsciously) comparing your real life ("behind the scene" life) with someone's well filtered and adjusted presentation of life without being aware. And you would end up hating on yourself . You asked for trouble!
5. Even if you do know how "miserable her life is in reality and how bad her relationship actually is" you will even get extra frustrated with all the positive comments of love and admiration  from "silly naive people that don't know the thing ".
6. Next thing is ,you are deeply sinking into a mixture of anger,hatred,bitterness,you are highly annoyed,irritated with that "fake bitch's life" and you feel like you gotta expose her. Yes this "fools that kiss her ass" must know the truth. Would you dare to go step further?Fake IG account? Sounds Familiar?
7. Even though (for a second) seemed like an amazing way to deal with all negative emotions that are growing in you,don't you think its little bit too much work? New email address,password here password there,now think of username... Just for a sake of few nasty comments  under few well filtered pictures.  Bruh. So many better things to spend your energy at.
8. You do feel bit relieved,they heard piece of your "opinion",but what now? In the best case someone will respond you,in the most realistic case you would get ignored or blocked. Painful indeed.
9. What now ? Another fake page? Nooooo common! Who will remember all these passwords?
10. Point is clear,you waisted so much of your energy for nothing. Negativity won't bring any positive change in your life.
11. And the only person that will end up affected or disturbed is you. Person that is being bullied can solve her issue with one single "block" button.
12. The opportunity to think positive and productive thoughts for a day and make you happy and excited is NOW GONE. Another waisted moment you can't bring back. Never ever.
13. This is a way to feed your soul with negative emotions and it can easily lead your mind to OVERTHINKING. An explosion. Boom. People you dislike (again,I don't like "hate" word) will move into your brain,heart,home not because they wish so but because you choose to dragged them in.
14. It will affect your spiritual peace,also your mood,your self confidence,thoughts,emotions and life.
15. It will stop you from being grateful (which is a key to prosperity) for all the blessings and amazing things you could enjoy in your life only if you choose to focus on them.....
16. ......Which will automatically sabotage and close doors for good things that might were about to come your way just because your mind and heart was deeply somewhere else.

As I said at the begging,you can't possibly like everyone,but you have power over your mind and actions you take. Choose to do something healthy for your soul.

There are ,as well, people you love and admire. People that motivate and inspire you. Doesn't matter if you know them or not.
Choose to direct your focus on them.

My life has drastically changed since I have become very selective  with what I invest my energy,time and focus on- Strictly things and people that makes me happy.
Ever since I stopped "stalking", talking ,thinking ,gisting ,gossiping  about people I don't seem to find so appealing,they lost all importance  in my life.
I choose who and what exists in MY world.

Tuesday, 12 January 2016

How To Get Rid Of Jealous Behavior That Is Breaking Your Relationship Apart

We all do agree on how jealousy in a relationships can be fatal. It's bad and we gotta get rid of it.
But,first of all,I want you to know that this issue you are dealing with is just like any other issue. Don't give it any extra importance.
You might feel helpless over your own actions and behavior,but You need to know that you are FULLY IN CHARGE! Nobody else has power to change it but you. It might be challenging but ,yes you can!

For a correct start,I want you to know how to make difference between Jealous Feelings and Jealous Behavior.

Just as there is a difference between feeling angry and acting in a hostile way, there is a difference between feeling jealous and acting on your jealousy. It’s important to realize that your relationship is more likely to be jeopardized by your jealous behavior---such as continual accusations, reassurance-seeking, pouting, and acting-out. Stop and say to yourself, “I know that I am feeling jealous, but I don’t have to act on it.”
Notice that it is a feeling inside you. But you have a choice of whether you act on it.

What choice will be in your interest?

Accept and observe your jealous thoughts and feelings.
When you notice that you are feeling jealous, take a moment, breathe slowly, and observe your thoughts and feelings. Recognize that jealous thoughts are not the same thing as a REALITY(!!!).
You may think that your partner is interested in someone else, but that doesn’t mean that he really is. Thinking and reality are different.

You DON'T have to obey your jealous feelings and thoughts.

Notice that your feeling of anger and anxiety may increase while you stand back and observe these experiences. Accept that you can have an emotion—and allow it to be. It's in all of us. You don’t have to “get rid of the feeling”. We have found that mindfully standing back and observing that a feeling is there can often lead to the feeling weakening on its own.

Recognize that uncertainty is part of every relationship.
Like many worries, jealousy seeks certainty. “I want to know for sure that he isn’t interested in her”. Or, “I want to know for sure that we won’t break up”. Ironically, some people will even precipitate a crisis in order to get the certainty. “I’ll break off with her before she breaks off with me!”

Use effective relationship skills :

You don’t have to rely on jealousy and jealous behavior to make your relationship more secure. You can use more effective behavior. This includes becoming more rewarding to each other--- “catch your partner doing something positive”. Praise each other, plan positive experiences with each other, and try to refrain from criticism, sarcasm, labeling, and contempt. Learn how to share responsibility in solving problems---use “mutual problem solving skills”. Set up “pleasure days” with each other by developing a “menu” of positive and pleasurable behaviors you want from each other. For example, you can say, “Let’s set up a day this week that will be your pleasure day and a day that will be my pleasure day”. Make a list of pleasant and simple behaviors you want from each other: “I’d like a foot-rub, talk with me about my work, let’s cook a meal together, let’s go for a walk in the park”.

Everything is a matter of your focus.

Source: PsychologyToday

Friday, 8 January 2016

How Dangerous Jealousy In Your Relationship Is?

How many of us are battling with this horrible feeling every day? Jealousy is a thief. It steals happiness and joy away from our  relationships. It spreads very fast,like an infection, and step by steap you see it in your everydays activities,every day and every moment you spend  with your partner. It doesn't let you enjoy the moments. It takes over you in a second and you are there feeling so helpless while turning into a person that has nothing to do with "normal" you.

Well,I think there is a tiny seed of jealousy in all of us,that's just a part of our imperfecti humans nature,but that can't be an excuse to let it take over you and your life.

It's a very common,deep and complex  issue in a relationships,and if you can relate,this article I found is just for you.

Let's start from the beginning. What is jealousy exactly and where it comes from?

Jealousy is  a killer. Relationships end because of jealous conflicts and people kill other people because they are jealous.
Imagine this. You are at a party and someone is friendly and you smile. Your partner thinks that you are betraying her. Or your partner tells you a funny story about a former lover and you feel threatened. You feel the anger and anxiety the rising inside you and you don’t know what to do.

Susan could identify with this. She would glare at her partner, trying to send him a “message” that she was really annoyed and hurt. She hoped he would get the message. At times she would withdraw into pouting, hoping to punish him for showing an interest in someone else. But it didn’t work. He just felt confused.

At other times Susan would ask him if she still found her attractive. Was he getting bored with her? Was she his type? At first, he would reassure her, but then---with repeated demands for her for more reassurance---he began to wonder why she felt so insecure. Maybe she wasn’t the right one for him.

And when things got more difficult for Susan, she would yell at him, “Why don’t you go home with her? It’s obvious you want to!” 

These kinds of jealous conflicts can end a relationship.

Jealously is not proof of love. That's such a myth.

When we are jealous we worry that our partner might find someone else more appealing and we  fear that he or she will reject us. Since we feel threatened that our partner might find someone more attractive, we may activate jealousy as a way to cope with this threat. We may believe that our jealousy may keep us from being surprised, help us defend our rights, and force our partner to give up interests elsewhere.

Similar to worry, jealousy may be a “strategy” that we use so that we can figure out what is going wrong or learn what our partner “really feels”. We may also think that our jealousy can motivate us to give up on the relationship—so that we don’t get hurt any more. If you are feeling jealous, it’s important to ask yourself what you hope to gain by your jealousy. We view jealousy as a coping strategy.

Similar to other forms of worry, jealousy leads us to focus only on the negative. We interpret our partner’s behavior as reflecting a loss of interest in us or a growing interest in someone else: “He finds her attractive” or “He is yawning because I am boring”. Like other forms of worry, jealousy leads us to take things personally and to mind-read negative emotions in other people: “She’s getting dressed up to attract other guys”.

Sounds familiar fam?
What's the next step?
How to get rid of jealousy and set yourself free?
Coming up next,
Stay tuned

Source: PsychologyToday

Monday, 4 January 2016

BabyMamaDrama - Your Child Is Not A Weapon Of Revenge/Punishment !

If you know me,you would know that I always encourage "women power". I love my fellow sisters,and I always try to bring respect and admiration and put jealousy and hate aside in relationships between ladies. We are all different yet all the same,no matter the color of our skin,religion or part of the world we are coming from,there are things we all ,as females,must go through which means that nobody can understand a woman better than another woman,and that understanding should be used to help us build each other and teach us how to love harder.
However,there is something that,despite all my love for womanhood,really bothers me and I would love to share my thoughts about it with you.

As a mother,woman got a dominant role in child's life. Nobody and nothing can beat the fact that mother is the most important person in baby's life and a healthy presence of a mom is a must for correct emotional development of a kid.

We do go through a lot and we do sacrifice so much for sake of bringing a child into this world and raising him later on,and only a woman that been through it can totally understand a sacrifice female must make and pain she must go through when she decides on motherhood.

That's all clear. Us ,women,we are soldiers.

But nothing gives a woman right to deprive a man from being a father to his child just because he is not interested in having an emotional relationship with her or because of her failed expectations when it comes to their relationship.

What pains me is that I knew few very good men I deeply love and respect who are truly suffering because they are prohibited from having a normal relationship with their children just because their moms are really bitter with the fact they didn't get to have a man they wanted in the father of their child.

So in that name ,they are creating a million and one situation to cause drama and represent a man in a bad light  (as worst as possible-yes that's what we call "babymama drama"),always looking for excuses to talk bad about father in front of a child,family or friends,without daring to think of how toxic that is for a mental and emotional development of their own kid who needs a normal,healthy,loving and peaceful relationship with both parents to grow into an emotionally stabile adult.

Another issue Is,it's very easy and simple to make a man seem like a "bad" or irresponsible guy even when he is really willing to be there for his kid.

It's happening for a while to some people I really care about and it got me thinking- how is that right?

Since women are always lightly and easily victimized and men are very fast categorized as "bad","irresponsible"(on a behalf of few known bad ones),it makes it so easy for others to jump into conclusions and point fingers at men while shaking their heads and calling them names.

I know guys that been emotionally blackmailed,suffered and exploded in different ways just because one woman like that has a dominant role in a life of a kid they love so much and she is so taking advantage of her "position".I know men that women tried to control,stress and manipulate in so many different ways just because they knew they would go hard for their children and still,after all, get to hear "he's lame,he ain't shit,he doesn't even take care of his child" every single time something is not how going according their taste.

I think it's quite a big deal. And the major victims are always kids that end up going through a terrible emotional roller coaster from feeling abounded to feelings of anger and hate,confusion,self esteem and emotional issues later on in life just because some woman decided to stick to the story she composed that will give her an excuse for punishing one man like that for not choosing to love her in a way she planned for herself.

Every normal man should take a responsibility over his child ,yes. But  every normal woman should let him ,no matter the nature of the relationship between two of them (if he and his behavior is not dangerous or aggressive towards a child ,of course)

Stop being selfish. Child is not a weapon for manipulation or revenge . Child is not a tool you to use to tie a man down or punish him if he refuses to stay.

Let your child be a priority. We know that we(women) are not victims all the time even though we like to hide under that category quite often.

We are Queens.  A lionesses.

We are better than that.