Wednesday, 25 January 2017

How I Cured Postpartum Depression All By Myself

Being a woman is the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me but I don't think it's always easy to be one,especially not in Africa where we are expected to handle so much and at the same time brought up in a way to believe that we must not fail in anything we were suppose to do ,otherwise we might easily get "replaced"
Everything we naturally must go through as women,is still underrated and taken for granted because no one teaches our men everything they really need to know about females,so most of the things we have to deal with still remains a taboo.

This middle century mentality of ignorance is what most of the ladies are "enslaved" with and it puts us  under so much pressure that can't be heathy.

Motherhood and pregnancy.

I don't think there is a woman that doesn't look forward to it.

But even though,I still wander why nobody ever tells us that it's absolutely impossible to be completely prepared for something we never ever had a chance to experience before.

Two months after I had my son in Europe,I came back to Nigeria to join my husband,but it was not only a baby and me that came back: I carried a terrible postpartum depression with me as well.
I was in a foreign country,totally different culture,different ways,different mentality,new challenges,far from my friends and family. First time mom.
If I tell you it was easy,I would lie.

I don't think people,especially men in Africa, are aware that women's hormones don't only work in our favor and help us give birth to their children,but also cause a sort of a chaos and a disaster in our minds and with our emotions.

The only way men are taught to take care of their women is financially.
So since mothers don't think it's important for their sons to know more about changes that happen in woman's body and mind after giving birth, out of ignorance a man won't be there for his woman when she needs him the most.
What happens very often is that he starts thinking that his woman has "changed",became ridiculously annoying,bitter and turned into a "nagging" wife that does nothing but cries and complaints and that gives him a "right" to distance because his woman is stressing him too much so it's absolutely her fault that he can't stand to be around her. 

So here I am.
I'm writing this to let y'all know,no matter if you are a man and a woman,that,if this happens to you or your wife it doesn't mean it's the end of life.
Been there.Done that.

This is a phase,challenge on it's own ,and you can conquer it ,united together as one,

I was in depression for almost a year after having my son.
I didn't see no psychologist,never took any drugs,but guess what?
I literally cured myself,and,my dear sister,there are things I would love to share with you: 

-  I always used to seek for a reasons to put a blame on my husband and I know ladies do that often. I somehow decided that he is the one that does not try enough to save me  and that is why I felt like he was responsible for that terrible condition of mine.
Even though this is the easiest way to go about whatever we are facing in life (to look for who to blame) it's absolutely the worst possible approach to your situation  because it turns your problem into an endless circle of depression that will make you sink deeper and deeper into darkness until both sides get completely drained .
No matter how difficult it might seem now,the best thing you can do to end this agony is to take a full responsibility over it. That is the only way you can stop feeling helpless over things that are happening inside of your mind and embrace the fact that,at the end of the day,you are the only one in this Universe in charge of your feelings,thoughts,emotions and life in general.
You are made of God's strength and you can use it to move the mountains.
Focus on it. Embrace it. Change your life with it.

-Even though postpartum depressions seems to be a taboo for some very wrong reason,it happens to women all the time. No,that does not mean you are weird,weak,useless,unfortunate or a bad woman and mother. You are not a failure. Don't let this phase make you doubt yourself. Don't let any middle century village mentality way of thinking  discourage you. Just because other women (out of some silly shame) don't openly talk about this matter,that does not mean it does not happen to them as well. You would be surprised if you knew how often women suffer from different mental changes after giving birth.
You are not alone in this, and I'm sure you will overcome it. Remember: you came,you saw and you will conquer! You are not less of a woman.This will only help you discover your supernatural
strengths you have as one!

-Let's be realistic: an average guy can't even understand our mood swings due menstrual cycle .And yes,they faint when they catch a cold (lol sorry fellas).In that sense ,we are just created very differently.

Even though,a man that truly loves you will try his best to understand everything  you have to deal with and yes,with love comes empathy,but the honest truth is,he can never ever know how it really feels like to walk in woman's shoes because he's simply not one.Men just can't understand how would even feel like to go through all that pain and struggle with wilding hormones that are just a normal part of every woman's life.
That is why we need to have a little bit mercy on them.
If his mom missed to educate him about all the changes that happens in woman's body after giving birth (guess some ladies don't think that's important something a future man should know bout), you guys should sit together and Google it all out,so he can get more familiar with your condition and understand that you are not turning into a crazy,bipolar nagging woman that can never be satisfied. You will be surprised with the way his attitude towards you and the whole situation would change when he gets to understand better where you stand.
Don't forget,postpartum depression is also a big time challenge for him,because it's extremely difficult to watch someone you love constantly and obviously unhappy,sad,miserable and always so difficult to handle or even communicate with.
Even if it doesn't seem enough at times,trust me,your man does the best he can to help you get out of that terrible depression. Don't you see how he tries to cheer you up?Try and acknowledge it,every little thing matters,it will help you understand that you are loved more then you know. And Love works better then any antidepressant.

-I know very well how difficult is to find a sense for gratitude  when depression kicks in. But you really must try your best. Start writing your gratitude list everyday and please stay consistent. Look at your beautiful child. A new life! Your personal masterpiece! You have something millions of women all across the globe are praying for-your very own human being. Your family. Look around you. You made it! Strong woman! Be excited for all the magnificent changes you have been through. So much experience and wisdom in it. Look around you: all them cute little baby stuff around you. Seems like fairytale! Take a moment and thank God for all the blessings you have received. You are so loved and favored. And trust me,what is coming is better then what is gone. Prepare for it.

-Please don't be mean to your beautiful self. I know you probably don't get to sleep enough,but find 20 minutes of your day when your baby is asleep to do whichever form of physical exercise. You don't have to go to the gym,instead you can find a bunch of amazing workouts on YouTube or just go out and jog. This is not even about your body.Physical activities scientifically proven helps against depression. Exercising helps activation of SERATONIN (hormone of happiness) and it will help you recharge your energy and get rid of all the negativities in your system that suffocates you on the inside. Don't be lazy. Stop complaining and make changes that will help you get a better life.

- The idea of life passing me by used to cause me a serious anxiety attacks. Terrible ones. I think this made my depression really bad. At moments,I felt so trapped. I was breastfeeding so for the first time my movements were completely limited. I felt like I will never be able to do what used to make me happy. Like,why is that a man can freely continue with his life but woman's own must slow down and completely change? I swear, this thoughts used to haunt me day and night to the point it made me feel like I secretly started  hating on my husband (lol,so wrong right,baby forgive me ).

Baby girl don't let this get at you because it won't last forever.
Forget what you have been told. It will pass.
Don't let anyone force anything on you: your life did not end.
Fun did not stop.You are not left out.

I know how society can be stupidity judgmental towards new moms especially if they still look and act alive.
Moment you dress up,doll up,get out of the house and maybe go out to grab some social life for yourself someone will immediately pop up to question your worth as a mother (or a wife).
Does the fact you still look smoking hot and dare not to stop taking care of yourself makes you a less of a mother?
For real?
How? LOL
So you must start looking and dressing like a 50 year old woman to earn an approval from your "village" community about your parenting skills??If you are not looking miserable ,you are not a good mother,or what?
Forget people my sister,This is not about your neighbors,aunties,church members,in-laws,family..This is all about you and your child .DO YOU!No one can know better then you.
Trust me when I tell you: your life just have started. If I can raise a son,have time for my husband,run a couple of businesses,all that in a foreign country and still doll up,travel and groove from time to time,trust me -so can you!
Just because it would be a mission impossible for some other women ,does not mean it will be a mission impossible for you.
Don't think you must settle.You can have it all.

-Snatch an hour or two for yourself only.Pamper yourself,do whatever used to bring you joy before you got a child. Fix your hair,lashes,make a spa appointment,grab a glass of wine,meditate,it is very ok to have one hour of selfishness for yourself. Try and don't spoil these special moments : don't overthink ,just focus strictly on the moment and remember that everything starts and end in your head. You are a powerful Goddess.

-I used to console myself with junk food every time I felt bad.But the truth is what this food does to our system is tragic. After eating oily,heavy,unhealthy food  you will only feel restless and even more depressed. There is a reason why it's called "junk". No matter how irrelevant it might seem to you,healthy eating will help you get better on the inside in every possible way.  Try and bring into your system foods that will benefit your health and not make you feel and eventually look bad. Healthy foods for a better mood!

- People think it's cool to ask a new mom when is she going to have her second child. I was fighting a terrible battle on the inside,trying to pull myself together,was still adapting and learning,hardly even recovered and all just for people to start asking me why am I not planning to "give" my husband another child yet. People can be so damn  annoying. Like seriously?
Are you going to carry a baby for me?
Then they start lecturing and pressuring you. Telling you what is "the best for you".
Look,we are in 21st century.
You don't have to feel obliged to give birth every 2 years. Recover first.
Get back to your old self.
There is nothing wrong with you waiting until you are ready to fully enjoy this miraculous journey again.

No one can possibly know better then you.
Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for being true to yourself.

More productive and focused you get,less you mind idiotic primitive social norms and "ways",faster you will heal.

I can proudly say that this chapter of my life is  behind me by far and I am sure it will never happen again.
And I am also sure that you will overcome it too.

Can't wait to hear  your own testimony.

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

Don't Let Them Lie To You: Marriage Was Not Suppose To Make You Suffer

Have you guys noticed that our society has a belief that woman is the only one who is truly responsible over keeping the marriage functioning?
Why is that it's always a woman that we advice to "forgive","forget" and "go back and make things work again"?

I wander why mothers teach their daughters that key to successful marriage is to learn how to turn blind and  how to tolerate and stomach everything and anything a man does ,all for the sake of a "peace" at home?

Why don't you,dear mothers,teach your sons as well that it takes two for a marriage to work?That they should also learn how to treat their women like they are the most precious creatures on planet earth? Why mothers,as women as they are,forget to teach their sons that a woman is a delicate flower,strong on the outside but very sensitive on the inside,that can bless your life but at the same time you need to take a very special care of her?Not to take her strength for granted?Why don't you, mothers, teach your sons that they also have a responsibility  to make their wives look good out there,not with jewelry and fancy clothes only, but with loyalty and respect as well ?

I hear people saying that marriage is not a fairytale and  that women should come back to reality and stop leaving their husbands for "small matters" (such as abuse and infidelity).

I am the first to tell you that no marriage is perfect and we do build our "relationship goals" eventually,with love,understanding and tolerance,and yes,we all face challenges and difficulties at some point,but don't come and tell me that marriage is meant to make people suffer.

What is the message you send to young people,especially women out there? That marriage is a punishment,a life sentence? That they should settle for that and not to be "silly" to expect anything more then that?


I know a lady that suffered domestic violence for some time and when she finally found some small pieces of strength to pull herself together and leave,I could hear people saying that she let go "way too easily" and that she should go back and give it a try.
Are you people out of your mind??

Ok, let's do it this way:
Yes,marriage is not always perfect and yes we must work on it.
But despite all that, do you  know what MARRIAGE suppose to be about??
Even as imperfect as it is,the institution of marriage means a union between two people that was suppose to be based on respect,care,love,partnership and be a comfort zone and a safe place for both partners. 

I am a woman. I know my fellow women. We try hard and when we are in love ,we can tolerate so much. Do you know how hard is for a woman to leave her "home"? The strength and courage she needs to raise to walk away? And how bad it must be for her to get to that point?

So when a man misbehaves,maltreats and disrespect his woman,why don't you come at him with chapters from Holy books preaching how he should treat his woman differently ? Oh you don't try to point at  his behavior when it's not so according to Bible? No?
Of course not. Because your village mentality says that we should let men be,because "a man will always be a man" (end of discussion) and that is a reason why a woman must be "wise" enough and make a peace with that fact and try to keep quiet and not to complain and stress him otherwise she "might push him in the hands of another woman".

But when some self-love and self -respect that is still left, wakes up in a woman and she realizes she can't afford to be abused,embarrassed and humiliated or starved in a relationship with no love,care or affection then you think it's about a time to rub all the Holy books in the world in her face and dare to preach her about value of  marriage and how it should be for life,leaving a very clear message behind :she should be smarter,"less selfish" and "stronger" for the sake of her children and go back to her husband.

Children..Let's talk about children..
Of course,a child needs both parents and a healthy,friendly,loving atmosphere around him to grow into a mentally healthy adult. But are you guys out of your mind to "advice" women,even publicly,to go back to their abusive husbands for the sake of their children???? How will that ever be in children's favor?  Do you know which kind of trauma every single child that was a witness of a domestic violence carry along with him? A trauma for life that will make them even hate their mothers for not leaving such an  environment.. A trauma that give these people million and one emotional and mental instability and stops them from functioning normally on every possible level of their lives,forever and ever!

I think it's about the time for some things to change.

I was reading somewhere recently : "Can you imagine,she left her husband ONLY because he was cheating.This generations can't keep marriage."

Let me tell you guys,I am seriously confused.
Is this not a society where very Sunday y'all sit in church,every 5 minute there is a word "GOD" in your mouth,everybody around me is "God fearing",but then when it comes to particular matter such as infidelity then we are again on that famous "a man will always be a man " shit.
I can't even lie.Double standards and fake morality gives me allergy.

I don't think cheating is the most usually and normal thing in marriage.
I don't think anyone should settle for being constantly hurt because someone you decided to build your life with is doing things behind your back and lying to you. I see it as a betray and I don't see why would anyone have to settle to live with someone who will make you question if you are worthy enough.

I can't change your beliefs and what you consider as normal or not so normal,I talk from my own perspective,life philosophy and the way I love and value myself ,I don't think I could ever be capable of living with someone who does not make me feel like I am the most precious thing on the planet earth.

No one says that people should be divorcing up and down every time things are not going smoothly,but there always must be respect,honesty and effort from a man and a woman ,equally.Anyways,as I heard ,divorce is an extremely stressful and painful experience on it's own.

But it's very selfish to teach our daughters that they must learn how to live in pain for the sake of keeping their marriages. Before we teach them how to obey,cook,clean and "serve" their husbands,we should teach them how to value and love themselves.

I know women are not easy to handle at times,we are bit dramatic ,bit confused,bit insecure and all that (bit bipolar as well lol) but I think that there are ways to make a man and woman coexist together without one side being constantly forced to settle,"stomach" and "tolerate"  things that are naturally violating our dignity and integrity as a human beings.

For past few years I have learned how to love myself so much to the point I can't even think of allowing anyone to mistreat me and this is my super power in a way.
If I was you,I would never ever settle for a marriage with no Love.
 Love is caring,kind,safe,affectionate and understanding.
Not abusive,humiliating,disrespectful and dishonest. 

Thursday, 12 January 2017

Bad Relationships: Why Love Makes Us Suffer

Who thinks that Love is meant to suffer people with nothing but a heartache and disappointments ?
Like,once you are in love,you completely stop being yourself ,you stop being in peace,you start getting so emotional,you overreact and take everything so personal and literally behave possessed,with no control over your own actions.
Do you  have a feeling that love makes us so weak and vulnerable? Like,all of the sudden someone else's actions and behavior affects you deeply to the point you start feeling like a puppet in someone else's hands?

Why is that some people enjoy being in love and it brings them peace and joy, while others have such a bad,exhausting experiences with relationships even with a good partners by their side ?

And why the same person can act totally different in a relationships with different people?

If I ask you : WHY do you seek LOVE for,what would you tell me?

  • Is it to find someone who will GIVE you Love?
  • Or to GIVE Love to someone?

Answer to this question as an answer to all your wanders.

When we enter relationship because we look for a particular emotions and experience to get in return our focus is on some expectations. Even with the most ideal partner in this world,you won't be able to enjoy moments and all the amazing things and features he/she has to offer because whatever you get mostly won't match the expectations you entered your relationship with.
Nothing will ever be good enough and there will always be a problem and reason for a complain.

The true essence of Love (which is peace,joy and fulfillment) can be experienced only when our motive for a romantic relationship is to give Love and everything that comes with it.

Life functions on a principle of a mirror: you can never get what you can't give and what you give you must get in return.
When our predominant idea of relationship is to receive Love from someone else,that means we think we don't have it in ourselves and we expect someone else to fill us up with it.

On the other hand,when when our motive to enter a relationship is to give love that means we KNOW that we already  have it within us. We don't have to seek for it out of our own being. We can't be desperate for something we already have. And that is why this kind of approach towards love and romance is a foundation we can use to build a healthy relationship that will not drain us and make us feel like we are going crazy but be the source of peace and inner growth instead.

After heartbreaks I often hear people say things like : "I gave him all ,see what I got in return" etc, but I really doubt they understand what Love truly is and what action of giving love is all about.

No,it is not about sleepless nights and emotional breakdowns you "suffered" because of him/her.That does not mean you gave love out.

You are ready to give Love once you can give acceptance,understanding,kindness,support,care ,encouragement and ability to appreciate the person you are with  for who he/she is withou being judgmental and not only to look for their flaws and what is not there (yet).

When you give love in a real meaning of that word you open a whole another dimension in your relationship that will,naturally,make both of you grow and prosper emotionally,spiritually and mentally  and that means you will effortlessly be able to get the best out of each other.

You can't pour from an empty cup my love.
The easiest way to get what we want is to BE THAT ,without any form of expectations and calculation.Just be it.Live it.
That is just a law of nature

People that have peace in their relationships know that language of Love  does not manifests in complains,nags,accusations,aggression and insults.
Language of Love is always kind,full of enthusiasm and magical,contagious energy,it's encouraging and vibrant.

Love,by nature, is giving and tends to focus on goodness and embraces it until it overshadow all the negativities and that is exactly what makes Love the only force on planet earth that can move the mountains and change the world.

Empty people look for who will give them love,fulfilled people look with who to share love with.
Makes a huge difference.
Think about it.

Tuesday, 10 January 2017

"What do I do?": Marriage/Relationship Crisis

I will tell you straight up - there is no couple in this world that have been together for a long time without meeting any form of challenges on their way. Even the most compatible,ideal matches do argue and  at some point they find themselves facing very tough times.
Crises are super painful.
They make us doubt. Wander. Overthink. Sometimes we feel like leaving. Or should I stay? Is he the right partner for me? Why do I suffer this much then? What if I have made a mistake? What is right? Who is wrong?

Madness and headache.
Vulnerable mind is a devil's playground. And devil is a very creative mofo. Indeed.

If you suffer from heartache,wanders,if you feel like your relationship or marriage is about to fall apart,I want you to continue reading.

Is there really a problem?

First of all,we do blow things out of the proportions by attaching meanings to not so relevant things. I think you know what I mean. That is what happens when we are emotionally involved with someone. We take everything personal and our fears and worries can make us see all the things we don't want to see just because we hold on to them so badly. From my very personal experience I can tell you that you don't have a problem that you think you have. At least not a rational one. In emotional relationships by taking everything way too personal we create false beliefs that turn reality because we feed them with so much strength,energy and focus.

Then your relationship sinks deeper and deeper into confusion,mess,accusations,blame,anger,frustration,pain and helplessness. Why? Because our focus is constantly on  the wrong picture and wrong idea of having a "bad relationship/marriage". What we focus on grows.

We are all different and every couple has a different challenge,a very specific tough path that was given to them for a reason.

I think I heard somewhere "Test before testimony"

All my life I used to think,like most of you,that crises in relationships are bad thing. Just recently,I have changed my perception towards it,because I realized that no bond was ever build within a comfort zone.

  • Love.
  • Friendship.
  • Trust.
  • Care.
  • Understanding.
  • Support.
  • Faith.
  • Loyalty.

Non of these categories really manifests during good times. When things are smooth and everything happens the way you want it it's easy to believe,to love,understand,trust or be a support system to someone. Under right circumstances almost everyone can it for you. To know each and every of this categories that make every healthy relationship meaningful you have to pass though unusual something.

When things are really bad our task is to overcome it.
Mostly,people are busy looking for flaws,blame and mistakes in each other and that is what makes couples sink deeper in painful confusion,darkness and crises. I'm sure some of you know how draining this is. It can exhaust you until you literally go crazy and forget everything good about your relationship and your partner.

Ask yourself: do you want this relationship to work?
Good and fine,you can leave and that is also very ok .
But you are still there.That means you want it to work.You want to be happy with our partner.
Since you choose to stay involved,you will have to start acting according your choice, otherwise you will really run mad.

In order to heal,you must start from yourself.
You must take responsibility over your own part. Not 60%. Not 89%,but 100%.
Tough times are sign that it's about the time for us to turn to ourselves,and not to point fingers and count our partner's sins and mistakes on loud.
Energy is contagious. Positive and Negative.
Once you start thinking of how your partner feels instead of always considering how much of a victim you are,you will by default trig the same kind of behavior from your partner.

Note to yourself: the biggest mistake people make when they start practicing this method is their instant expectation of what will their partner do for them in return and how fast will their efforts be acknowledged. Don't do that. That means you are bringing yourself into picture again.  You don't love someone by expecting love in return. A true action of love does not have self  interest in it.
Do not just wait to receive love so you can give it.

Start the process of exchanging good energy and positive vibrations yourself.

Every crises you overcome will build your relationship stronger.
Challenges given to you are meant to strengthen the weakest links of your relationship with your loved one.
This thinking is what cures my pain instantly every time I face issues in my marriage.When I just think of it as a process that will make us love each other more and deeper,my vibration instantly changes and different attitude and perception brings new dimensions and different circumstances.

What excites me is to know that the roughest paths normally leads to the most amazing places.

Monday, 9 January 2017

Things You Need To Know To Become A MONEY MAGNET

It is not a lie that people live and die all in the name of money.
Money is motive.Money is tempting.Everybody wants money.
Basically,money rules the world and moves people like puppets.

But have you ever asked yourself what is money?
A peace of paper that man himself  gave a meaning and power.

Is money good or bad?
Money is a peace of paper. Paper does not have such features. Money can ether serve you or you serve money and that is what makes a massive difference.

I don't think money or luxury is a bad something. It put smiles on people's face. I believe in abundance and I think nobody was created and sent to this planet Earth to lack or to suffer.

But why it seems like making enough of money is a mission impossible for so many people?
Most of people work from morning till night just to pay bills and school fees for their children.
They still can't buy everything they wanna buy,or travel where they wanna travel,most even can't afford to eat out or go for drinks every time they feel like.

Hard work is clearly not enough.
So what is then a recipe of wealth?

There is one big illusion in the air : wealthy ones are not doing well simply because they are more fortunate then you.
Wealth is meant for you as well.  Life in abundance is equally meant for all of us.

What will determine the direction of your financial journey is  NOT your ability to save or sacrifice your needs,but your emotion and attitude towards money and your mindset.

There are people that did not have food to eat and faced poverty you will never know about and they are billionaires today.
Wealth is out there,available for everyone.But we don't know that what is blocking our wealth is not the circumstances we find ourselves in,nor people or situations around us.
We do it ourselves with the way we act,feel and think.

Our attitude and beliefs based on fear of lacking we create or adopt from our parents or society in general subconsciously create resistance towards money and that is how we become slaves of poverty mentality without even knowing.

These are FUNDAMENTAL norms that will help you break resistance towards wealth,set you free from poverty mentality slavery and turn you into a money magnet :

- Every single positive change in our lives must start with a feeling of gratitude. In order to attract more you must be thankful for all the amazing things you were already blessed with. Be aware,this is not a cliché.
I have impression that people literally compete with who will complain more every time they get together. Main topics are crises,bad economy,high school fees,rents,hard living and lack of money.
Can't you see how we underestimate our blessings and our constant focus is on things that we don't have?When we forget to be grateful,we become a walking source of negative vibrations and feelings such as anger,frustration,envy,sadness and this kind of energy can never allow all the blessings sent our way breakthrough and reach us.
Words that come out of your mouth are way more powerful then you know: they are tool that we should use to direct and mold our lives. Confess wealth and abundance. not poverty and brokenness.
Poverty mentality exists in complains . Wealthy mind is always grateful,no matter situation.

- In order to change your current situation you must change your predominant emotions when it comes to money. You must turn your worries into expectation. How?
SWITCH YOUR FOCUS FROM WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO WHAT YOU WANT!See it this way: worry is pushing your wealth away. expectation come with a feeling of excitement and comes with happiness and enthusiasm and these are tools that will help you break walls that are blocking your blessings.  In order to get anything in life,including money and material benefits,you must feel good about it. Positive feelings work like magnets. Worry does not make you appear like an responsible adult.It's nothing but a manifestation of doubt and fear. Nothing good ever came out of it. Set yourself free. You always get what you want,don't forget that.

- I have never ever met anyone who lived a good life,a life in abundance by being stingy and at the same time I have never ever met anyone who became poor by giving.
When you don't feel comfortable with spending money,that is not because you are being "rational" or "economical" as you claim my dear. You run away from giving and spending out of FEAR. Fear that you will not have enough. Fear that more will not come your way. Fear that you will lack. Fear that something unpleasant will happen. FEAR!
Stingy people never see themselves as stingy. They see themselves as super wise and they think that is the way to secure future.
I have super stingy people around me as well.Every time they come to visit me they secretly roll their eyes thinking that I am being stupid because I am generous with people that work for me.I know they think that I am lavish and foolish. They are always "broke",things are always "expensive" and they "don't have money for that rubbish" That is all I hear every time we touch money topic.
They hold on to every naira so painfully but to be honest, so far I never noticed that this strategy of "making money" EVER helped them accumulate any wealth or a better living.

The truth is,stingy people live in constant fear. Fear is devil's favorite workshop. Fear means you did not settle for your blessings and that is why you live under the tension.

It is very simple: If you want to invite a life in abundance,you must live according to it!
Giving means you settled for having more then enough. That means you expect more to come your way.
People that are giving don't cling to money so desperately and  that is why they always have,not because they are more fortunate then you are.
Every time you feel like getting worried about your finances,overcome it by giving someone something extra just for the sake of giving and find a joy in it. Yes,you have that much!

- Law of abundance says that there is enough for everyone. You have to understand that just because others are living large that doesn't mean they took something away from you. When you understand that,then go ahead and  thank God for their success because it's an amazing proof to you that it's possible! Isn't that a great source of motivation? A driving force! Poverty mentality feeds with envy and jealousy,bad intentions and bad wishes. Poverty mentality also tend to makes us discredit other's testimonies  ("How many guys she slept with for that house?" ,"She has no talent,it's all connection"/"He is nothing but a scammer ").
If you catch yourself thinking this way,subconsciously or consciously,that means you should change your attitude immediately because this current one  will never help you get rich. Poverty mentality keeps us no where else but in poverty and a world of lacking because it drains us with meaningless distractions and wrong focus.
Stop blocking your wealth. Give others credit for their success. Stop looking for what is wrong about their ways and open yourself to learn about what is right about their moves,strategies and mindset. Wealthy mind does not waist energy on hatred and envy .Wealthy mind is focused on learning new things and upgrading his hustle.

- We live in society where begging and asking for money and things is almost a hobby and I am not even talking about street beggars only. The moment people around you assume you make more then they do ,by default they must come and ask for one thing or another. "What do you have for me" and "give me something na" everywhere you turn to,from total strangers all way to the family members.
Poverty mentality turns people into scrubs and scrubs can ever live a life in abundance.
Wealthy mindsets will help you attract generous people and acts, fortunate situations and amazing opportunities your way and you will never lack because you have acknowledged yourself as powerful source of wealth and fortune and by being a scrub you shut the door of wealth in your life down  : you acknowledge others as a source of wealth while you collect the small pieces they decide to dash you out.
We are more powerful then you know.
Everything begins and ends in our mind.
So does wealth.
Conquer your mind and the world is yours

Sunday, 8 January 2017

You Are In A Relationship With Him,But Is He In A Relationship With You As Well?

You really like this guy. You might actually be in love with him. Every time your phone rings you hope it's him. When he calls,you cancel every single plan of yours and you rush to see him. You are always available for him-you want him to see that you are serious and willing to commit. You put your whole life on stand by. But at times,you are not sure if he feels the same about you. Even though you tell everyone that he is your man,deep inside of you there is a big question and you feel silly to ask ,but you really want to know: "What exactly are we?"
Your heart is simply not in peace and wonders are about to drive you crazy.When you call he does not always pick,you see him only when he wants to and his life seems like a mystery to you. You don't really know much about him. You guys are not as public as you wish. You normally meet for a couple of hours,maybe once a week (not as often as you would like) and the quality of the time you spend together is... Hmm...well it's normally about sex.. But yeah,you have fun together,you as well met couple of his friends,maybe hit a club several times and stuff..but..
There is just something that brings doubt into your heart and it does not want to let you be.

Every girl on planet earth was in this situation ,I can bet.

How to know if guy takes you seriously?

Let me keep it real with you fam...If you have to wander about the nature of your relationship with a man and his intentions towards you,well,most of the times that is a first sign that he is not really up to a serious relationship with you.

The truth of this life is : When man wants a woman,he will make it very clear to her.Crystal clear. There won't be space left for guessing and headaches.

Guys don't always tell you ,but they definitely always show you what type of a relationship they want with you.
-Is he always busy?
-Does he call ?
-How often does he text to let you know that you are in his mind?
-Does he check up on you and your well being?
-Can you talk to him openly about your life and your personal challenges?
-Are you free around him to be who you are or you are always afraid that you'll might do something that will turn him off?
-Can you call in the middle of the night or count on him if you need help?

Do your maths baby girl.

Maybe he needs more time?

A woman that does not want to consider a "move on" option always choose to wander if her guy maybe needs more time to understand how awesome she actually is.

My dear,there is no such thing as "I am not ready" when it comes to a woman a man truly wants. He would make himself ready if needed.
Most of the times guys give that kind of speech when he wants to set limits and clearly let you know that "relationship" between you two is something casual and commitment free in a polite way so he can still have the access to the goodies jar.

Most common stories you will get served are mostly about how he is not where where he wants to be financially,or due family issues he  simply "can't focus" on having a serious relationship at the moment or how he had a terrible past experience with his ex he did not recover from (Familiar? Lol) .

So basically (let's be fair),most of the times guys actually make it  all very clear to us .
But there is something in us women that makes us see what we want to see. All of the sudden,you feel like you are the one that needs to "save",cure and "fix" him up so you decide to turn into a"ride or die" for someone who does not even want to ride with you not even to the nearest corner.

So what normally happens next: after you tried so hard to appear and seem like everything you think he likes,so carefully tried to be his ideal kind of a woman and all he could possibly wish for and more,after months of forcing so hard on something supported by nothing but a fake hope and illusion you created all by yourself,you end up alone,hurt and angry,blaming the whole mankind for being "all the same".

My dear sister,
Your role in man's life is not to "catch" him.
You don't have to starve so desperately to impress a man hoping that he will (finally) acknowledge you as his woman.
You are not there to wander is someone out there is going to take you seriously or not.

You can stay home on weekends,call as you like,text like crazy,stop hanging out,stop talking to other guys and try your best to seem like his Miss Perfect,but more you try to become someone you are not in order to be liked,more you will loose your own "flavor" and that your own very special personal energy and charm.

No,it's not because you are not pretty enough,curvy enough,cool enough or smart enough.

You have to understand that not everyone is meant to recognize your worth . Not every eyes will see that irresistible beauty in you.The same way an illiterate would sell a diamond for a price of a cheap shiny stone simply because he does not see the difference between them and does not know the real worth of the diamond.

Not everyone is meant for you.

The man that will recognize your shine,appreciate your worth and love you for who you are will make you understand how effortlessly things suppose to be like.
You truly have nothing to prove and once you understand that you will gain your powers back and become way more relaxed which will help the true you come out.

And that is what makes a woman irresistible-her true,raw nature and her ability to embrace it without a fear that someone will reject her or stop her shine.

You don't have to look or desperately search for the right one.
You have to take care of your self and work on becoming the best possible version of yourself.
Leave the rest to him.
A real man will,no doubt,find his Queen,
No matter where she is.

And he would never give you time to doubt or wander.
You will know and feel that you are HIS WOMAN.

Wednesday, 4 January 2017

How Can Other Woman Snatch Your Man Away ?

How many times presence of a beautiful woman around you and your man made you feel uncomfortable? Moment you see a fine lady ,all dressed up,in tight clothes embracing her body confidently walk in,you feel a sharp pain in your chest.First you feel intimidated.Anxious. Pained. Then ,with anger and squeezed face you are analyzing your partner's body language. Face expression. Gesticulation. Oh mine. Did she just made that sassy eye contact with him ? It can't be! Your heart beats so fast you feel like throwing a scene just there in front of everyone. Then thoughts start kicking in: what would happen if you was not there? All these women walking freely,ready to snatch someone's man! Yes,that's what all of these bitches are up to! See the way she is dressed? Like she is on a mission,up to no good! You have a strong,deep need to say something nasty.Her hair,nose,dress.. Ha,see her waist trainer. Her bra is so padded,Gosh.You must say it on loud. Bring her down,yes.Let your man hear : she is not all that. 


Living under such tension can't be easy my sister. This much stress can cause a heart attack.For real.
There clearly is a problem..
Do you really think that this woman,or any other is a true source of your issue?

Let's be realistic: God is so generous. He created millions of beautiful people. Millions of gorgeous women.Breast and ass everywhere. All different races,colors,shades and flavors..
So what you gonna do about that?
Feel intimidated?


Your problem can't be out there. Your issue is just in front of you.
Do you trust your  partner?
What did you settle for?
Do you know your own worth?
What exactly is your relationship based on?

Dear sister.
I can assume that your man is not mentally ill (don't make me use word "retarded").
And I don't think any other person can force "poor little thing" into something he is not willingly ready to get into.

If a woman likes,she can flirt with a guy or strip naked in front of him in order to seduce him.
You can't expect her to respect your relationship status unless she is maybe your friend or a family member. Otherwise,she has zero (moral) obligations towards you. Straight up.

But the person that has a moral obligation and commitment towards you is your Mr Man and the way he responds to the "provocation" is what truly means a thing.

And please,stop looking for idiotic excuses on your man's behalf.
Men are not senseless animals (at least not all of them).
Don't come tell me "a man will always be a man" like they have a genetic code that would make them follow every female that shows a little interest in them.
I know tones of good guys.I have mostly male friends  and I can tell you for sure: there are men with standards. There are men with principles. There are men that take  pride in the fact that they are just not for everyone.
Not every guy is a thirsty whore.

Everything is a matter of what we settle for.
Just do not let a guy make you feel like IT'S NORMAL for you to feel like you are in a competition with the rest of the world just because he acts like a horny,thirsty ass teenager. Other women have nothing to do with the fact loyalty is not highly rated in his personal system of values. So,be careful who you choose to call names-"bitch" is not always a woman.

Secondly,even with the most loyal men by their side,some women still feel threatened. But again,that has nothing to do with other females out there. That simply means you have to work on yourself,self love and self confidence (I have many posts that would help you build up your self esteem,check my blog further).

Insecurity is a sing of vulnerability and weakness.

But,when woman is in peace with herself,once she is aware of her worth and of what defines her ,she will understand how irreplaceable and  irresistible she truly is and and how crazily in love her man is with her. Confident woman is a powerful woman indeed.

Then,other women will stop appearing as a threat.
You will no more have an urge to bring them down with malice and mean comments,but your confidence will make you wanna embrace and compliment other woman's beauty on loud,even in a presence of your man.
Beauty is to be admired isn't it ?
Give a sister some credit for that fine body or gorgeous smile ;)
Malice and squeezed face full of nasty attitude makes even the most beautiful woman seem so miserable and unattractive,even in the eyes of her man.

Relax,have fun,smile
You are more then enough.

And remember,
What is truly yours,can never be for someone else.

Monday, 2 January 2017

Is It /When Is It Ok To Cut Family Members Off?

In theory,blood family was suppose to be our biggest support system,a guaranteed source of joy,peace and happiness but in reality,we have to agree - is not always that way.
At times you might feel like they are just one heavy,massive load that keeps pulling you down with all doubts and all sorts of negativities that make it difficult for you to get where you want to be.

This family matter keeps many in a moral dilemma : should you keep them close by no matter what because they are "yours" or should you just create a distance and give yourself space?
I truly believe that we are product of voices we hear and that is why is extremely important for us to be surrounded with right kind of people that are on the same mission as we are.

People around us either add into our lives or take away from it.
And,that is my friends,the gospel truth.

We don't get to choose our family members.They are a gift from God to us.
But what to do when they seem to sabotage our vision and focus we need to fulfill our ambitions?

From my experience,I can tell you that most of the times it's not even about malice or an evil intention . But they can distract your focus by reflecting their own limitations,doubts,fears,points of view and disabilities on you.
Just because there is a blood connection between people that does not mean they were given same ways of thinking or abilities to understand the same life philosophy as you. 

I am a nature born leader. I am not passive,I am a go getter. And my ambitions are extremely high. So high that my family members though for so long  I was crazy,delusional,immature and not willing to take responsibilities and face my life the way they thought I should.

Everybody around me had "ordinary" life goals. I was always talking about something they thought wasn't rational enough. And there is a thing about me ,I don't ever say "I wish".But "I will". I will drive that car. I will live in that place.I  will make that money. I will have such man.
They were worried about me. They were thinking that real life will pass me by because I live in my dream world. Sonia and her fairytale.God help her.

They could never understood my vision because it was not ordinary and to the book,the way most of the people live or starve to live.
But between you and I ,it was a massive distraction. To accomplish something most of people don't believe is real,you need 100% of your focus directed to your vision. No 1% of doubt or fear is allowed. That is why I mentioned before how important is a role of people around you.
They used to upset me,get me angry and sad at times,but later on I realized that there was really no bad intention in it. At the end of the day they worry  because they care.
However,in order to go after my dream ,I left them behind at some point. I knew they would never take me seriously until they start seeing manifestation of my vision right in front of their eyes.

I like to call us stubborn visionaries "black sheep" kind of people,and I know some of you can identify as well :You grew up with people that somehow settled for ordinary,with ordinary worries and ordinary challenges and ordinary issues,with ordinary goals and life plans,but you want so much more. You are different. You don't want to live  just to pay your bills,work from 9 to 5 or go to vacation once a year. You just do not want.

Ordinary always tends to suffocate extraordinary .Ordinary never believes in extraordinary. 

Note this: they can't and they won't ever understand your vision unless you make it.
But, don't need to.
That is all it takes. Stay away from their "ordinary,reasonable" thinking. You must create your own world and cut everything else off,surround yourself with people who can simulate your vision and motivate and inspire you to go harder and make it become possible.

That doesn't mean you will stop loving your family or carrying about them.But you need to protect your focus. But you need to step out of the comfort zone they  try to impact on you.

Your "normal" and their "normal" does not need to match.

Because life is not what they say it is ,but what you make out of it.