See Abuse This Popular,Gorgeous East African Girl Faced For Dating A White Man (Pictures Attatched)

My beautiful East African friend is glowing. She has a new guy who seems to be making her really happy.

Just today,I got a call from her. She was so upset,almost sad.
Then she sent me a screenshots of a terrible online abuse she had to face for having a guy that is not her skin color.

I asked her for approval to share it with you guys,and she said I should go ahead because message and point we try to make is very clear: Love is really all that matters.

Check this out:

It upsets me that to some people we are still nothing but a color,whether black or white, or maybe a tribe. Or any other similar superficial category.

Common people,are we not all just human beings,all of us created by the same hand of the very same Almighty God,no matter how we choose to call Him??

And that same God is Love.
Pure Love.

Put GOD before religion and HUMANITY before division.

I personally don't give a damn about such a foolish stereotypes and I can not entertain them even though my husband and I face very similar kind of a "thing" from time to time as well .

All I can tell you guys......Follow your heart and always be with the person that makes your heart smile the most. Does not really matter if he/she is from your village or from other part of the world.


BTW...
Let me share a picture of this beautiful ,young couple :

Aren't they looking hot together?

You Are In A Relationship With Him,But Is He In A Relationship With You As Well?

You really like this guy. You might actually be in love with him. Every time your phone rings you hope it's him. When he calls,you cancel every single plan of yours and you rush to see him. You are always available for him-you want him to see that you are serious and willing to commit. You put your whole life on stand by. But at times,you are not sure if he feels the same about you. Even though you tell everyone that he is your man,deep inside of you there is a big question and you feel silly to ask ,but you really want to know: "What exactly are we?"
Your heart is simply not in peace and wonders are about to drive you crazy.When you call he does not always pick,you see him only when he wants to and his life seems like a mystery to you. You don't really know much about him. You guys are not as public as you wish. You normally meet for a couple of hours,maybe once a week (not as often as you would like) and the quality of the time you spend together is... Hmm...well it's normally about sex.. But yeah,you have fun together,you as well met couple of his friends,maybe hit a club several times and stuff..but..
There is just something that brings doubt into your heart and it does not want to let you be.

Every girl on planet earth was in this situation ,I can bet.

How to know if guy takes you seriously?

Let me keep it real with you fam...If you have to wander about the nature of your relationship with a man and his intentions towards you,well,most of the times that is a first sign that he is not really up to a serious relationship with you.

The truth of this life is : When man wants a woman,he will make it very clear to her.Crystal clear. There won't be space left for guessing and headaches.

Guys don't always tell you ,but they definitely always show you what type of a relationship they want with you.
-Is he always busy?
-Does he call ?
-How often does he text to let you know that you are in his mind?
-Does he check up on you and your well being?
-Can you talk to him openly about your life and your personal challenges?
-Are you free around him to be who you are or you are always afraid that you'll might do something that will turn him off?
-Can you call in the middle of the night or count on him if you need help?

Do your maths baby girl.

Maybe he needs more time?

A woman that does not want to consider a "move on" option always choose to wander if her guy maybe needs more time to understand how awesome she actually is.

My dear,there is no such thing as "I am not ready" when it comes to a woman a man truly wants. He would make himself ready if needed.
Most of the times guys give that kind of speech when he wants to set limits and clearly let you know that "relationship" between you two is something casual and commitment free in a polite way so he can still have the access to the goodies jar.

Most common stories you will get served are mostly about how he is not where where he wants to be financially,or due family issues he  simply "can't focus" on having a serious relationship at the moment or how he had a terrible past experience with his ex he did not recover from (Familiar? Lol) .

So basically (let's be fair),most of the times guys actually make it  all very clear to us .
But there is something in us women that makes us see what we want to see. All of the sudden,you feel like you are the one that needs to "save",cure and "fix" him up so you decide to turn into a"ride or die" for someone who does not even want to ride with you not even to the nearest corner.

So what normally happens next: after you tried so hard to appear and seem like everything you think he likes,so carefully tried to be his ideal kind of a woman and all he could possibly wish for and more,after months of forcing so hard on something supported by nothing but a fake hope and illusion you created all by yourself,you end up alone,hurt and angry,blaming the whole mankind for being "all the same".

My dear sister,
Your role in man's life is not to "catch" him.
You don't have to starve so desperately to impress a man hoping that he will (finally) acknowledge you as his woman.
You are not there to wander is someone out there is going to take you seriously or not.

You can stay home on weekends,call as you like,text like crazy,stop hanging out,stop talking to other guys and try your best to seem like his Miss Perfect,but more you try to become someone you are not in order to be liked,more you will loose your own "flavor" and that your own very special personal energy and charm.

No,it's not because you are not pretty enough,curvy enough,cool enough or smart enough.

You have to understand that not everyone is meant to recognize your worth . Not every eyes will see that irresistible beauty in you.The same way an illiterate would sell a diamond for a price of a cheap shiny stone simply because he does not see the difference between them and does not know the real worth of the diamond.

Not everyone is meant for you.

The man that will recognize your shine,appreciate your worth and love you for who you are will make you understand how effortlessly things suppose to be like.
You truly have nothing to prove and once you understand that you will gain your powers back and become way more relaxed which will help the true you come out.

And that is what makes a woman irresistible-her true,raw nature and her ability to embrace it without a fear that someone will reject her or stop her shine.

You don't have to look or desperately search for the right one.
You have to take care of your self and work on becoming the best possible version of yourself.
Leave the rest to him.
A real man will,no doubt,find his Queen,
No matter where she is.

And he would never give you time to doubt or wander.
You will know and feel that you are HIS WOMAN.

DIVORCE MATTER: Fix it VS Run Away (Should I Stay Or Should I Go?)

Young,old,married or single: I always hear people complaining how marriages do not really last  nowadays. People get married today then they get divorced tomorrow and it's still a taboo,especially from where we are coming from where masses strongly believe that marriage is forever by all means.

I have a couple of friends that have been through this experience,however they mostly get judged for not being mature enough to handle marriage matter the way "they should" and when they point at reasons why they finally decided to go through an extremely stressful process of getting a divorce,this is what they normally get to hear: " Abeg,you knew about all this his features before you married him,so why are you divorcing now?Save your marriage jor". 

But people don't really know that different perspectives,emotions and expectations you have before you get married can make you overlook certain things and secondly we don't know what we can or cannot deal with in huge doses unless we feel it on our skin frequently .

In most of the societies I am familiar with ,there is a strong belief that woman is the one who's job is to keep the marriage. By that,we mostly expect a woman to learn how to stomach and tolerate everything she does not like or she does not agree with for the sake of avoiding drama and arguments. So when marriage falls apart it's normally a woman to be blamed because she was not "strong" or a woman enough to keep it all in place.

One of the reasons why rate of divorce has increased it surely because women got emancipated and more independent (financially) knowing that she does not really need to tolerate everything and anything because her husband is feeding her and her children. Ladies of nowadays are more aware of their rights and worth and I personally think it is absolutely ok not to settle for being mistreated.
But sometimes people also do divorce when they don't know how to find a right approach to the issues they have by focusing so much on it to the point everything positive and good about their relationship fades away and problem is all they see.

What people mostly do not know is that marriage is not a final destination,but a beginning of a whole new chapter that brings a million and one challenge we can't possibly be prepared for.  Leave them empty talks and lectures: No one is ever prepared for something they have never experienced before.We learn things as they come,mostly from our mistakes and that's the catch.

No marriage between two human beings was ever a smooth journey,whether we are crazily in love or we are in it for the sake of a personal interest,but that also does not mean you will call for a divorce after every single argument,right?

Honestly saying, tough times are not even a bad thing because passing through it is what builds a bond between partners and creates a deep strong connection and friendship between two people because no relationship grows within a comfort zone. Trust me.

But there is something you need to know,no matter what are you going through:

Things can be worked out only when there is an effort,compromise,understanding and tolerance that comes from both sides : it must be MUTUAL!

Secondly,I can not tell you what you should tolerate or not,because we all have a different understanding of what suppose to be "normal" or not so normal,but I can share my opinion of what I think LOVE IS NOT and help you do a calculation when it comes to your relationship and choices you are about to make: 

1. Why would your partner stop you from achieving your dreams and life goals? 

Most of the times,when woman is not allowed to focus on her career or use her potentials outside of the house,is because her partner is  insecure about himself and that  has nothing to do with love. Stopping someone from growth is nothing more but an act of selfishness. He is afraid you would over shine him,make him feel less of a man by becoming more successful then he is or get a chance to meet people (men) that might be out of his league.

2. Who has a right to disrespects you and make you feel bad ?

The person you are with should encourage you,motivate you and make you feel like the most special human being in the world not to destroy your self confidence or make you feel useless by always rubbing your flaws in your face. Again,this is also an act of insecurity : some people have a need to constantly bring their partners down so they can feel better in their skin because they suffer from a self esteem issues.

3. Physical  or mental abuse :

How can this ever be an act of love? Love is really not wicked! And how can anyone come and tell you to put your marriage first if your life might be in danger? This normally goes with a pathological jealousy and deep trust issues the other person might have which also means a terrible mental torture. However,no one deserves to be a punching bag. You are a human being amazing enough to be loved and be treated with care and respect.Your partner should make you feel safe not terrified and traumatized. PERIOD!

4. Do you get cheated and lied on?
 Well I know that so many of you actually made a peace with infidelity by convincing yourselves that it's something normal and expected  ("All men cheat" etc),but I still must say a word:
Can an average man accept the same "philosophy" when it comes to their woman?Ever?Do not forget,women also cheat as same as men do just in a different,less obvious ways.
But that is not the matter. If  his actions and behavior does not hurt you or make you feel bad and if you feel like you can actually live with it,then it's ALL GOOD AND FINE,but if NOT,you don't have to settle for it while shouting "Every man does it" around so you can console your heart.
I think that this issue is deeper because I don't think partnership and friendship  between two people can exist if there is no honesty and trust.That would make things so stressful and personally  I won't be able of dealing with it.

However,
Good relationships between people do not grow on trees for sure,we build them through ups and downs by focusing on goodness and love.

But also,I do not think you must stay in marriage by all means ,especially when it becomes a source of frustration and pain. That is not a purpose of a union between two people. You are not a victim. And you are in charge over your life.

At the end of the day,there is no such thing as a bad decision as long as we live according to it.

Why Are Cheaters The Most Possessive And Jealous Partners

What an irony huh?
Do you know what is the other name for extremely nice and kind people ? Naive.
There is a reason why we refer to super good people as naive: because they don't see evilness ,malice etc - they don't recognize it simply because they don't give it out and it does not exist in them.
We subconsciously see in others what lives in us. That's why the best way to judge someone is by the way he talks and thinks about others.

So that's how I noticed that the most possessive and jealous partners are ironically unfaithful ones.
Of course they know what they do and they secretly do expect the same behavior from others.
Such men lock their women in the house,they don't let them have friends,hang out or go out,they are forbidden to dress up and look sexy.
Women are not any better. I remember,before I met my husband,no man was ever able to keep my attention for too long. I was never really faithful in my past relationships so I know how possessive I used to be. You suspect every stupid little thing,you don't want person you are with to have a life at all and you feel like you must supervise everything in person's life because you know very well what you do.

Cheaters as well have trust issues because lies are not unfamiliar to them.


Well,I if you think you can handle it....

Xx

Why Is SEX All They Want From You?

I received tones of messages and emails recently from mostly young girls asking me to help them understand why it seems like they can't find a man that wants anything deeper then a casual sexual relationship.
You  probably feel like you are doing something wrong and that problem must be in you since no man is interested in having a stable relationship with you.
That is how you developed an opinion about yourself : that you are not worthy enough,intelligent enough,interesting enough. Otherwise why would they see nothing but couple of breast and ass in you.

See what is the thing:

When you don't know what defines you and when you are not familiar with your own worth,you lack confidence.
Once you lack confidence you are weak and men can feel it because it comes with fears (just like in jungle where predators look for vulnerable,weak,timid animals,but you won't see lion going after a tiger). That is why you are their target when they are trying to "get lucky".

You feel lost,confused,insecure,and you need man's attention desperately so you can feel better in your skin.

Especially when you desperately want to be engaged in a serious relationship,you secretly tend to give a chance to everyone,and everyone is a potential boyfriend to you until they prove you that was not what they came for.
Men do take advantage of a woman that is not aware of herself because that woman is in constant fear. She is afraid to say "NO" because she does not want to push her "potential boyfriend" away.
She is afraid to stand for herself and she drops her criteria and standards so low and that is why men find space to treat her anyhow.
Then after they finish with you and you see them next day with another girl or they stop picking your calls ,you start feeling terribly useless and worthless.

It is well my dear.
No one was born wise. Young girls do not know because no one teaches them.

No one teaches young girls self love and self respect. They simply PROHIBIT us from doing particular things (we anyways end up doing  most of the times) because it's "wrong", "shameful" or "disgraceful" but they still don't teach us our worth,powers and many reasons why we run this game and why are we a captains of their ships. They don't teach us to believe in ourselves and our worth,instead they teach us to be afraid of being judged,pointed at or labeled.

So nothing is wrong with you. You have so much to offer,in fact I am sure you are much more then you know now. But instead of focusing so desperately on getting a man who will love you and adore you for who you are,you should first learn how to love and adore yourself for who you are. Find what  you are good at and embrace it to perfection . Discover your skills,your strengths and understand that you are a precious diamond. Once you understand who are you and where you stand,what you bring to the table will give you a confidence on another level,guys will loose power they have over you and you will gain yours.

Treat yourself with so much love,pamper yourself ,do for yourself all these things you want to receive from your ideal man so your standards can rise up.

Most importantly,make peace with yourself and your life. Stop letting your past experiences make you feel bad about yourself. You are not your mistakes.We learn,we change we grow. 4 years ago I did not know 2% of what I know now.

Work on yourself doll and remember,

You are the boss.

Getting Married Does Not Mean You Won A Jackpot!Why So Desperate For Marriage?

Who teaches all these girls that marriage is an absolute purpose of female's existence? In 21st century I still have a feeling like all they teach you since you are born is how to make a "good wife" and "catch" someone who will marry you. Since very early age they teach girls how to suffocate and sacrifice their own NATURE,dreams ,needs and ambitions ,they tell them,in many different ways they must settle and accept/stomach/tolerate whatever it takes,all for sake of "protecting" the marriage,while men are allowed to act how they feel like acting.

That is why most of the women I come across act like getting married is the highest level of acknowledgement a female can get. Like it's a lifetime recognition or something. Like a damn piece of paper (marriage certificate) is a proof that you are better and more superior then other ladies without a husband (?!).

All this would not bother me if I did not see how deep this matter is .Things women do to "catch" a husband? Disturbing.

Let's start with pregnancy.
Intentionally getting pregnant so you can get someone to marry you-common!
Do you REALLY think that you have no other quality that would make someone fall in love and spend a life with you but someone's DNA in your womb? Why is your opinion about your own self that low?
Even of you get married that way,you think that's a success?An accomplishment? Once you receive sense you will understand that marriage is not a FINAL GOAL,it's just a BEGINNING of a whole new chapter with challenges on it's own where you would need a constant support,understanding and compromise for sake of having a peace of mind. So how you think someone who doesn't give a damn about you will help you build a good,happy life? You will suffer even more,every day of your life..but hey,you are married,point proven right? Your church members and your village is happy with you,what more could be more important than that?

You can't force someone into marriage. I mean you can but you can't force them into loving you. No amount of "wife matter" skills,cooking skills,voodoo,juju,blackmails,manipulations or threats can grant you a happy life with someone who does not care about your well being.

Secondly I feel bad and embarrassed on a behalf of the whole womanhood when I see you acting like man is doing you a favor by generously deciding to make you his wife. Like WTF? Is that why you want to kill yourself trying to impress with cooking and cleaning  for someone who is not even sure of acknowledging you as his girlfriend so you can make them see "how good you are" and how much of a "wife material" you are.

Why do you constantly throw your efforts,your best at someone who might not be interested to know (not even handle) your worst? Don't you think that the best of you should be kept for someone who cares about you and who accepts and loves you just the way you are?

Again. What exactly is marriage?
All you want is a celebration and a peace of paper aka marriage certificate?
It's a life,emotions,care,understanding ,encouragement,support,passion and moments you guys share together that really matters and somehow people just do not even think about it. All this can't be faked all because  your friends got married and you feel left out.

I am married,even thou I thought I was never going to get married simply because I did not believe in an institution on marriage because I saw how many people do live a very miserable lives just for sake of having a "correct" picture for society and prove that their life is also "to the book" like it "suppose" to be.
What I understand now is that is most of people do marry for a very wrong reasons,mostly for approval they seek from people around them,to avoid being judged or criticzed.
They settle and that is why they are not happy and that is why marriage seems so be so damn boring most of the times when you look from the outside.

I love my husband more then I can express,of course, we have ups and downs, but our foundation is unbreakable. Why? Because he first got to know my worst,he did not run because I did not appear as a Virgin Mary,instead he was wise enough and  saw my best through it and brought it out of me. We were real. No sugar coating,no "wife material" pretending. I was just me,he was just him and that is what makes us fall in love with each other every day. I call it spiritual ,emotional and mental nakedness.

Marriage certificate itself  is so irrelevant in a life we share together.

Focus on right things and you will have them.
Focus on formalities and that's all you gonna get-a boring formal life.
Most of all,know your worth. He will want to spend his life with you because you are a magical woman,a blessing,the most beautiful good luck charm in his life. A Queen. Not a desperate housewife  that wanted to get married by fire by force because she is "not getting any younger".

Be patient,believe,love yourself and never settle.
The best is yet to come.

Thank you for all the love and support.

Your shares and comments means a lot

.

xx