Recover Your Relationship: Smart Ways To Avoid Arguments

I have a hot temper by nature and because of that I had serious difficulties to control myself and maintain a normal conversation or exchange of opinions especially when I get emotional or passionate.
At first I never thought this is something I should work on because I did not understand a power of a good communication. I did not know that it's not what you say ,but how you say it. I did not know that a quality of communication is one of the fundamental norms of a healthy relationships with the people around you.

My husband and I are pretty much alike,both very passionate and emotional. His temper is also hot and if I tell you we did not fight I would lie. Arguments can drain you and most of the time are pointless because I can't remember if we ever solved an issue hot headed.
At the end of the day,why to waste precious time you have with someone you love fighting?

So with time,I actually learnt importance of finding a right ways to express myself and experience helped us discover ways that will definitely help you too improve your communication skills and save your relationship from toxic fights and unnecessary arguments.
Once I started living according this facts,the relationship I have with my husband changed for good:

1) We are all different:
-No matter how alike we can be,we all do understand and feel the world around us in a different way. You might hurt or offend someone without even knowing and someone might cause you a pain without intention to make you feel bad. Don't take everything personal.

2) Speak your truth without a need to convince others in it:
-Your partner doesn't have to agree with everything you believe in and that's just ok. That doesn't make him wrong. Nether you are right. Or wrong. Love is acceptance: sometimes you just have to accept his/hers opinion without trying to change it.

3) You are not an enemies;
Anger and frustration can make a person blind,but..HELLO! It's the two of you against the world not against each order. You play for the same team and despite the misunderstanding y'all have,that is the person who loves and cares about you.

4)"I told you so"
And so what? Who doesn't make mistakes? When things go wrong that's the time for you to motivate him/her not to discourage him/her totally.  I'm sure your partner now understands that you had a point but common! You don't have to be annoying.

5) Listen to understand,not to reply.
We all do have ego and ego always wants to be right. And that is why ego makes you egocentric. Your argument is not a court case and no one wins. You should listen to understand where your partner is coming from not just because you can't wait to prove him wrong

6) Ask without accusing .
Just remember how terrible you felt everytime you got accused for something you did not do. Nothing hurts more then when person you love does not trust you. Ask before you jump into conclusions. Also remember: Your doubts and allegations are most of the times product of your insecurities and fears

7) Make peace with Past
No matter what your partner did in the past,if you have forgiven him/her and accepted to move on,then stop bringing it in every other argument you guys have. It can only add oil to the fire and refocus your energy to a very destructive direction.

8) Don't curse,insult or raise your voice
Even though you might say things you don't mean,always know that words are sharper then knife: you'll might forget all the nasty things you said but your partner won't and he might secretly hold it against you .You have absolutely no right to disrespect another human being everytime your head gets hot,especially not a person you have chosen  to be your life partner .

9) Learn how to put yourself in your partner's shoes
Again,we are made to be egotistical creatures and we can truly understand only things we feel on our skin. But with love there must come ability to put yourself in ur partner's shoes so you can know where it pains and from there you would be able to understand his/hers behavior/actions/mood  better.

Getting Married Does Not Mean You Won A Jackpot!Why So Desperate For Marriage?

Who teaches all these girls that marriage is an absolute purpose of female's existence? In 21st century I still have a feeling like all they teach you since you are born is how to make a "good wife" and "catch" someone who will marry you. Since very early age they teach girls how to suffocate and sacrifice their own NATURE,dreams ,needs and ambitions ,they tell them,in many different ways they must settle and accept/stomach/tolerate whatever it takes,all for sake of "protecting" the marriage,while men are allowed to act how they feel like acting.

That is why most of the women I come across act like getting married is the highest level of acknowledgement a female can get. Like it's a lifetime recognition or something. Like a damn piece of paper (marriage certificate) is a proof that you are better and more superior then other ladies without a husband (?!).

All this would not bother me if I did not see how deep this matter is .Things women do to "catch" a husband? Disturbing.

Let's start with pregnancy.
Intentionally getting pregnant so you can get someone to marry you-common!
Do you REALLY think that you have no other quality that would make someone fall in love and spend a life with you but someone's DNA in your womb? Why is your opinion about your own self that low?
Even of you get married that way,you think that's a success?An accomplishment? Once you receive sense you will understand that marriage is not a FINAL GOAL,it's just a BEGINNING of a whole new chapter with challenges on it's own where you would need a constant support,understanding and compromise for sake of having a peace of mind. So how you think someone who doesn't give a damn about you will help you build a good,happy life? You will suffer even more,every day of your life..but hey,you are married,point proven right? Your church members and your village is happy with you,what more could be more important than that?

You can't force someone into marriage. I mean you can but you can't force them into loving you. No amount of "wife matter" skills,cooking skills,voodoo,juju,blackmails,manipulations or threats can grant you a happy life with someone who does not care about your well being.

Secondly I feel bad and embarrassed on a behalf of the whole womanhood when I see you acting like man is doing you a favor by generously deciding to make you his wife. Like WTF? Is that why you want to kill yourself trying to impress with cooking and cleaning  for someone who is not even sure of acknowledging you as his girlfriend so you can make them see "how good you are" and how much of a "wife material" you are.

Why do you constantly throw your efforts,your best at someone who might not be interested to know (not even handle) your worst? Don't you think that the best of you should be kept for someone who cares about you and who accepts and loves you just the way you are?

Again. What exactly is marriage?
All you want is a celebration and a peace of paper aka marriage certificate?
It's a life,emotions,care,understanding ,encouragement,support,passion and moments you guys share together that really matters and somehow people just do not even think about it. All this can't be faked all because  your friends got married and you feel left out.

I am married,even thou I thought I was never going to get married simply because I did not believe in an institution on marriage because I saw how many people do live a very miserable lives just for sake of having a "correct" picture for society and prove that their life is also "to the book" like it "suppose" to be.
What I understand now is that is most of people do marry for a very wrong reasons,mostly for approval they seek from people around them,to avoid being judged or criticzed.
They settle and that is why they are not happy and that is why marriage seems so be so damn boring most of the times when you look from the outside.

I love my husband more then I can express,of course, we have ups and downs, but our foundation is unbreakable. Why? Because he first got to know my worst,he did not run because I did not appear as a Virgin Mary,instead he was wise enough and  saw my best through it and brought it out of me. We were real. No sugar coating,no "wife material" pretending. I was just me,he was just him and that is what makes us fall in love with each other every day. I call it spiritual ,emotional and mental nakedness.

Marriage certificate itself  is so irrelevant in a life we share together.

Focus on right things and you will have them.
Focus on formalities and that's all you gonna get-a boring formal life.
Most of all,know your worth. He will want to spend his life with you because you are a magical woman,a blessing,the most beautiful good luck charm in his life. A Queen. Not a desperate housewife  that wanted to get married by fire by force because she is "not getting any younger".

Be patient,believe,love yourself and never settle.
The best is yet to come.

Thank you for all the love and support.

Your shares and comments means a lot

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xx