"What do I do?": Marriage/Relationship Crisis

I will tell you straight up - there is no couple in this world that have been together for a long time without meeting any form of challenges on their way. Even the most compatible,ideal matches do argue and  at some point they find themselves facing very tough times.
Crises are super painful.
They make us doubt. Wander. Overthink. Sometimes we feel like leaving. Or should I stay? Is he the right partner for me? Why do I suffer this much then? What if I have made a mistake? What is right? Who is wrong?

Madness and headache.
Vulnerable mind is a devil's playground. And devil is a very creative mofo. Indeed.

If you suffer from heartache,wanders,if you feel like your relationship or marriage is about to fall apart,I want you to continue reading.

Is there really a problem?

First of all,we do blow things out of the proportions by attaching meanings to not so relevant things. I think you know what I mean. That is what happens when we are emotionally involved with someone. We take everything personal and our fears and worries can make us see all the things we don't want to see just because we hold on to them so badly. From my very personal experience I can tell you that you don't have a problem that you think you have. At least not a rational one. In emotional relationships by taking everything way too personal we create false beliefs that turn reality because we feed them with so much strength,energy and focus.

Then your relationship sinks deeper and deeper into confusion,mess,accusations,blame,anger,frustration,pain and helplessness. Why? Because our focus is constantly on  the wrong picture and wrong idea of having a "bad relationship/marriage". What we focus on grows.

We are all different and every couple has a different challenge,a very specific tough path that was given to them for a reason.

I think I heard somewhere "Test before testimony"

All my life I used to think,like most of you,that crises in relationships are bad thing. Just recently,I have changed my perception towards it,because I realized that no bond was ever build within a comfort zone.

• Love.
• Friendship.
• Trust.
• Care.
• Understanding.
• Support.
• Faith.
• Loyalty.

Non of these categories really manifests during good times. When things are smooth and everything happens the way you want it it's easy to believe,to love,understand,trust or be a support system to someone. Under right circumstances almost everyone can it for you. To know each and every of this categories that make every healthy relationship meaningful you have to pass though unusual something.

When things are really bad our task is to overcome it.
Mostly,people are busy looking for flaws,blame and mistakes in each other and that is what makes couples sink deeper in painful confusion,darkness and crises. I'm sure some of you know how draining this is. It can exhaust you until you literally go crazy and forget everything good about your relationship and your partner.

Ask yourself: do you want this relationship to work?
NO?
Good and fine,you can leave and that is also very ok .
But you are still there.That means you want it to work.You want to be happy with our partner.
Since you choose to stay involved,you will have to start acting according your choice, otherwise you will really run mad.

In order to heal,you must start from yourself.
You must take responsibility over your own part. Not 60%. Not 89%,but 100%.
Tough times are sign that it's about the time for us to turn to ourselves,and not to point fingers and count our partner's sins and mistakes on loud.
Energy is contagious. Positive and Negative.
Once you start thinking of how your partner feels instead of always considering how much of a victim you are,you will by default trig the same kind of behavior from your partner.

Note to yourself: the biggest mistake people make when they start practicing this method is their instant expectation of what will their partner do for them in return and how fast will their efforts be acknowledged. Don't do that. That means you are bringing yourself into picture again.  You don't love someone by expecting love in return. A true action of love does not have self  interest in it.
Do not just wait to receive love so you can give it.

Start the process of exchanging good energy and positive vibrations yourself.

Every crises you overcome will build your relationship stronger.
Challenges given to you are meant to strengthen the weakest links of your relationship with your loved one.
This thinking is what cures my pain instantly every time I face issues in my marriage.When I just think of it as a process that will make us love each other more and deeper,my vibration instantly changes and different attitude and perception brings new dimensions and different circumstances.

What excites me is to know that the roughest paths normally leads to the most amazing places.

You Are In A Relationship With Him,But Is He In A Relationship With You As Well?

You really like this guy. You might actually be in love with him. Every time your phone rings you hope it's him. When he calls,you cancel every single plan of yours and you rush to see him. You are always available for him-you want him to see that you are serious and willing to commit. You put your whole life on stand by. But at times,you are not sure if he feels the same about you. Even though you tell everyone that he is your man,deep inside of you there is a big question and you feel silly to ask ,but you really want to know: "What exactly are we?"
Your heart is simply not in peace and wonders are about to drive you crazy.When you call he does not always pick,you see him only when he wants to and his life seems like a mystery to you. You don't really know much about him. You guys are not as public as you wish. You normally meet for a couple of hours,maybe once a week (not as often as you would like) and the quality of the time you spend together is... Hmm...well it's normally about sex.. But yeah,you have fun together,you as well met couple of his friends,maybe hit a club several times and stuff..but..
There is just something that brings doubt into your heart and it does not want to let you be.

Every girl on planet earth was in this situation ,I can bet.

How to know if guy takes you seriously?

Let me keep it real with you fam...If you have to wander about the nature of your relationship with a man and his intentions towards you,well,most of the times that is a first sign that he is not really up to a serious relationship with you.

The truth of this life is : When man wants a woman,he will make it very clear to her.Crystal clear. There won't be space left for guessing and headaches.

Guys don't always tell you ,but they definitely always show you what type of a relationship they want with you.
-Is he always busy?
-Does he call ?
-How often does he text to let you know that you are in his mind?
-Does he check up on you and your well being?
-Can you talk to him openly about your life and your personal challenges?
-Are you free around him to be who you are or you are always afraid that you'll might do something that will turn him off?
-Can you call in the middle of the night or count on him if you need help?

Do your maths baby girl.

Maybe he needs more time?

A woman that does not want to consider a "move on" option always choose to wander if her guy maybe needs more time to understand how awesome she actually is.

My dear,there is no such thing as "I am not ready" when it comes to a woman a man truly wants. He would make himself ready if needed.
Most of the times guys give that kind of speech when he wants to set limits and clearly let you know that "relationship" between you two is something casual and commitment free in a polite way so he can still have the access to the goodies jar.

Most common stories you will get served are mostly about how he is not where where he wants to be financially,or due family issues he  simply "can't focus" on having a serious relationship at the moment or how he had a terrible past experience with his ex he did not recover from (Familiar? Lol) .

So basically (let's be fair),most of the times guys actually make it  all very clear to us .
But there is something in us women that makes us see what we want to see. All of the sudden,you feel like you are the one that needs to "save",cure and "fix" him up so you decide to turn into a"ride or die" for someone who does not even want to ride with you not even to the nearest corner.

So what normally happens next: after you tried so hard to appear and seem like everything you think he likes,so carefully tried to be his ideal kind of a woman and all he could possibly wish for and more,after months of forcing so hard on something supported by nothing but a fake hope and illusion you created all by yourself,you end up alone,hurt and angry,blaming the whole mankind for being "all the same".

My dear sister,
Your role in man's life is not to "catch" him.
You don't have to starve so desperately to impress a man hoping that he will (finally) acknowledge you as his woman.
You are not there to wander is someone out there is going to take you seriously or not.

You can stay home on weekends,call as you like,text like crazy,stop hanging out,stop talking to other guys and try your best to seem like his Miss Perfect,but more you try to become someone you are not in order to be liked,more you will loose your own "flavor" and that your own very special personal energy and charm.

No,it's not because you are not pretty enough,curvy enough,cool enough or smart enough.

You have to understand that not everyone is meant to recognize your worth . Not every eyes will see that irresistible beauty in you.The same way an illiterate would sell a diamond for a price of a cheap shiny stone simply because he does not see the difference between them and does not know the real worth of the diamond.

Not everyone is meant for you.

The man that will recognize your shine,appreciate your worth and love you for who you are will make you understand how effortlessly things suppose to be like.
You truly have nothing to prove and once you understand that you will gain your powers back and become way more relaxed which will help the true you come out.

And that is what makes a woman irresistible-her true,raw nature and her ability to embrace it without a fear that someone will reject her or stop her shine.

You don't have to look or desperately search for the right one.
You have to take care of your self and work on becoming the best possible version of yourself.
Leave the rest to him.
A real man will,no doubt,find his Queen,
No matter where she is.

And he would never give you time to doubt or wander.
You will know and feel that you are HIS WOMAN.

Recover Your Relationship: Smart Ways To Avoid Arguments

I have a hot temper by nature and because of that I had serious difficulties to control myself and maintain a normal conversation or exchange of opinions especially when I get emotional or passionate.
At first I never thought this is something I should work on because I did not understand a power of a good communication. I did not know that it's not what you say ,but how you say it. I did not know that a quality of communication is one of the fundamental norms of a healthy relationships with the people around you.

My husband and I are pretty much alike,both very passionate and emotional. His temper is also hot and if I tell you we did not fight I would lie. Arguments can drain you and most of the time are pointless because I can't remember if we ever solved an issue hot headed.
At the end of the day,why to waste precious time you have with someone you love fighting?

So with time,I actually learnt importance of finding a right ways to express myself and experience helped us discover ways that will definitely help you too improve your communication skills and save your relationship from toxic fights and unnecessary arguments.
Once I started living according this facts,the relationship I have with my husband changed for good:

1) We are all different:
-No matter how alike we can be,we all do understand and feel the world around us in a different way. You might hurt or offend someone without even knowing and someone might cause you a pain without intention to make you feel bad. Don't take everything personal.

2) Speak your truth without a need to convince others in it:
-Your partner doesn't have to agree with everything you believe in and that's just ok. That doesn't make him wrong. Nether you are right. Or wrong. Love is acceptance: sometimes you just have to accept his/hers opinion without trying to change it.

3) You are not an enemies;
Anger and frustration can make a person blind,but..HELLO! It's the two of you against the world not against each order. You play for the same team and despite the misunderstanding y'all have,that is the person who loves and cares about you.

4)"I told you so"
And so what? Who doesn't make mistakes? When things go wrong that's the time for you to motivate him/her not to discourage him/her totally.  I'm sure your partner now understands that you had a point but common! You don't have to be annoying.

5) Listen to understand,not to reply.
We all do have ego and ego always wants to be right. And that is why ego makes you egocentric. Your argument is not a court case and no one wins. You should listen to understand where your partner is coming from not just because you can't wait to prove him wrong

6) Ask without accusing .
Just remember how terrible you felt everytime you got accused for something you did not do. Nothing hurts more then when person you love does not trust you. Ask before you jump into conclusions. Also remember: Your doubts and allegations are most of the times product of your insecurities and fears

7) Make peace with Past
No matter what your partner did in the past,if you have forgiven him/her and accepted to move on,then stop bringing it in every other argument you guys have. It can only add oil to the fire and refocus your energy to a very destructive direction.

8) Don't curse,insult or raise your voice
Even though you might say things you don't mean,always know that words are sharper then knife: you'll might forget all the nasty things you said but your partner won't and he might secretly hold it against you .You have absolutely no right to disrespect another human being everytime your head gets hot,especially not a person you have chosen  to be your life partner .

9) Learn how to put yourself in your partner's shoes
Again,we are made to be egotistical creatures and we can truly understand only things we feel on our skin. But with love there must come ability to put yourself in ur partner's shoes so you can know where it pains and from there you would be able to understand his/hers behavior/actions/mood  better.

Being a Good Housewife Does Not Mean You Are A Good Wife

A Good Woman. What a definition of a good woman according to you?

What makes an Ideal Wife?

When you brag about a wife material matter you are like : She does all the house works.She cleans well. She dresses decently. She is quiet and she is very homely.Always in the kitchen.A good houswife indeed.
But does that automatically makes her a good wife?Is a good housewife the same as a good wife?

But if all these housewife skills are the  reason why a man predominantly decided to make you his wife,don't you think he could as well go and marry one proper maid? Nothing you can do that she can't.

I hear them saying :that is a way to take care of a man. Well.. 

Is it? In that case everyone else could do your job,isn't it? Then what makes you so irreplaceable in his life? 

Marriage is a partnership on a project called Life. It does not take a nuclear science for you to know how to scrub bathroom well,but not everyone can be a good partner. By partner I mean someone who always got your back. Someone who will always push you out of your comfort zone in order for you to grow. A wise woman with vision and with a  backup masterplan ideas.

Good partner will catch you when you fall,encourage you when you are down and believe in you when you don't even believe in yourself.When you have a magic in you to motivate him and feed  him with positive energy and enthusiasm. When you don't only  nag or point at his failures. When you don't rub his mistakes in his face with "I told you so". Instead of "what we gonna do now?" ,you got him with "I have a plan .." and  "I got an idea".

I truly believe that woman is a blessing to a man.A special woman can help you grow into a billionaire and still grant you a peace of mind.And s wise man do listen to his woman,they don't underestimate  or discredit her 

Good relationship is the one where you mutualy make each other better in every possible way. 

What does cooking or cleaning has to do with that?

I mean,if your woman can't cook you can  always hire a cook but who you gonna "hire" if she can't be your best friend and your partner in crime?

Again,I am talking from my life experience (clearly).
For example,you can't turn my husband on by being a passive housewife even thou he is a true African man who was brought up to think that it should be a norm.But it just does not impress him. The truth is,nothing can really move him like ambition, seeing his woman all vibrant,positive,thinking and acting like a goal getter.

But again I know,there are men who's ego just does not agree with an idea of having a woman who can equally participate in any other segment of their lives other then  matters considering kitchen or bedroom. Anything more then that would make them feel like a less of a man.Such guys have a need to feel dominant and superior in every possible way over their women and opinionated women make them feel super intimidated.If you can handle such,go for it,but eheemm no be my portion.

But  HEY!Please do not get me wrong. I don't think that woman should take ovet man's role,nether I find it attractive. I still like my man to be a man and me to feel like his woman . I just think that this whole "wife material=housewife" thing is way too overrated and cleaning and cooking skills is not what    determines a woman's worth and value.

But listen,a man that has my heart and makes me feel like the most important person in the world surely must have the best of me. If you make me feel like a Queen ,through thick and thin,you deserve to be treated like a King everyday of your life.

I can do anything for my guy. And there is nothing I can't do and whatever I decide to do I do it  the best (yes I do), just that the difference is I won't do it because I feel like I am under an obligation to prove that I am a "correct" woman or out of fear that someone would say that I am not,but because I want to see a smile on his face. We are comming from different parts the world so you can imagine that joy he feels when he comes home and there is egusi soup waiting. The whole magic of love is in doing things out of our way with a smile on our faces to make our loved ones happy (when mutual of course).

But what makes me irreplaceable in my husband's life is not my kitchen skills.It's the fact his life changed from the moment we started our journey together.It marked a beginning of a whole another,brand NEW chapter of his life (and mine too).
He started growing and prospering. His life,career,spiritual and financial growth..everything went from 0 to 100.

No other woman ever had such an impact on his life and that is why I am his wife,not because I dress like a nun,sit in the house all day or pound yam until I faint.

Thanks for all the shares and comments,

Love you guys

xx

Why Are Cheaters The Most Possessive And Jealous Partners

What an irony huh?
Do you know what is the other name for extremely nice and kind people ? Naive.
There is a reason why we refer to super good people as naive: because they don't see evilness ,malice etc - they don't recognize it simply because they don't give it out and it does not exist in them.
We subconsciously see in others what lives in us. That's why the best way to judge someone is by the way he talks and thinks about others.

So that's how I noticed that the most possessive and jealous partners are ironically unfaithful ones.
Of course they know what they do and they secretly do expect the same behavior from others.
Such men lock their women in the house,they don't let them have friends,hang out or go out,they are forbidden to dress up and look sexy.
Women are not any better. I remember,before I met my husband,no man was ever able to keep my attention for too long. I was never really faithful in my past relationships so I know how possessive I used to be. You suspect every stupid little thing,you don't want person you are with to have a life at all and you feel like you must supervise everything in person's life because you know very well what you do.

Cheaters as well have trust issues because lies are not unfamiliar to them.


Well,I if you think you can handle it....

Xx

Why Is SEX All They Want From You?

I received tones of messages and emails recently from mostly young girls asking me to help them understand why it seems like they can't find a man that wants anything deeper then a casual sexual relationship.
You  probably feel like you are doing something wrong and that problem must be in you since no man is interested in having a stable relationship with you.
That is how you developed an opinion about yourself : that you are not worthy enough,intelligent enough,interesting enough. Otherwise why would they see nothing but couple of breast and ass in you.

See what is the thing:

When you don't know what defines you and when you are not familiar with your own worth,you lack confidence.
Once you lack confidence you are weak and men can feel it because it comes with fears (just like in jungle where predators look for vulnerable,weak,timid animals,but you won't see lion going after a tiger). That is why you are their target when they are trying to "get lucky".

You feel lost,confused,insecure,and you need man's attention desperately so you can feel better in your skin.

Especially when you desperately want to be engaged in a serious relationship,you secretly tend to give a chance to everyone,and everyone is a potential boyfriend to you until they prove you that was not what they came for.
Men do take advantage of a woman that is not aware of herself because that woman is in constant fear. She is afraid to say "NO" because she does not want to push her "potential boyfriend" away.
She is afraid to stand for herself and she drops her criteria and standards so low and that is why men find space to treat her anyhow.
Then after they finish with you and you see them next day with another girl or they stop picking your calls ,you start feeling terribly useless and worthless.

It is well my dear.
No one was born wise. Young girls do not know because no one teaches them.

No one teaches young girls self love and self respect. They simply PROHIBIT us from doing particular things (we anyways end up doing  most of the times) because it's "wrong", "shameful" or "disgraceful" but they still don't teach us our worth,powers and many reasons why we run this game and why are we a captains of their ships. They don't teach us to believe in ourselves and our worth,instead they teach us to be afraid of being judged,pointed at or labeled.

So nothing is wrong with you. You have so much to offer,in fact I am sure you are much more then you know now. But instead of focusing so desperately on getting a man who will love you and adore you for who you are,you should first learn how to love and adore yourself for who you are. Find what  you are good at and embrace it to perfection . Discover your skills,your strengths and understand that you are a precious diamond. Once you understand who are you and where you stand,what you bring to the table will give you a confidence on another level,guys will loose power they have over you and you will gain yours.

Treat yourself with so much love,pamper yourself ,do for yourself all these things you want to receive from your ideal man so your standards can rise up.

Most importantly,make peace with yourself and your life. Stop letting your past experiences make you feel bad about yourself. You are not your mistakes.We learn,we change we grow. 4 years ago I did not know 2% of what I know now.

Work on yourself doll and remember,

You are the boss.

Naija Big Girls,Pimps,Runs Girls & Sonia

This is a story I must share with y'all since you have been so faithful with your views,comments,love and support. I think y'all deserve juicy something after all.

So,my husband,Ik,found me on social media  The first moment he saw my pictures he told people that were around him at that moment "Y'all look at this girl,I just saw my wife ".
He was on set shooting a movie and the whole crew laughed at him.
"Ik,even if this kind of a girl fly all the way from wherever she is coming from to see you,after 5 days she would leave you for one billionaire,politician or oil mogul like that,receive sense please ".

He just smiled,.
So that is my Ik. Without any big money in his account at that time,without a powerful family name,he did not doubt his vision,not for a second. "That girl is my wife". Period. His confidence is just a material for a whole another story.

However,I came to Lagos (after only 3 weeks of us chatting day and night,well my madness is also a story for another day lol).We started our relationship,in fact to be very honest,we started living together,immediately. I did not consider myself a "wife material" in any possible way,nether I was dying to get married, so I always used to ask him why is he so sure that I will become his wife. He said "you already are my wife. A man simply knows,he feels it in his heart".

Hmmmm. Okkkkk ohhh (well I am now hehe).
However,as you guys know,we started showing up publicly everywhere together,I met (literally) all the "it" Lagos people and surely a lot of "big Lagos girls" since he knew most of them for years.
Duhh,I like to see fine girls,For real.Lagos babes carried me away. Always dressed up,dolled up,fine!
But hmmm.. as we were all hanging out,for some reason ladies used to ask for my number,which would be very ok if it was not behind Ik's back. Like why would you not want my man to know that you,his sister and friend,want to get my number?
Lol
The offers I used to get. You guys!

"My boss would like to meet you"
"Someone wants to see you,person is big,Google him,he can change your life"
"Darling don't be stupid,don't waste your beauty"
"It's ok that you have your boo,but you need someone to maintain your beauty"
"20 000$?"
"He wants to fly you to Dubai to get to know you"
"Be wise"
"Ik does not need to know"

What .. Wait.. Whooow.. For real??
Nigeria and money. Damn.

Ok...If I say I judge them for their life choices and ways ,I would lie. Honestly,I don't understand  how and why would a man give someone all that money in exchange for a vagina,but you guys... that money men use to pay for ladies in Nigeria is CRAZY!
Are young girls tempted? Of course they are. It is not easy beeing a beautiful girl in Nigeria ,especially if you was not born with a silver spoon. Even I felt some type of way when  I heard numbers these ladies were calling. Like things an average human being would have to work for his entire life someone can just come and give you in a week. Let's be realistic: would you not give it a thought?

However .
What did I do?
Tempted or not,it was too late.I already got attached to this young man that has so much kindness,care,love and wisdom in himself. A brave young man who's confidence,honesty,faith and non judgmental attitude towards me and my whole life story made me fall in love. A man who started from zero without anyone's support or help,all by himself,with so much determination and passion to make something SUPER big out of his life. A man that was sure that I was his missing rib.


Secondly,I knew he had a bad experiences from  his past (most of the ladies he used to date used to have multiple sugar daddies/sponsors on the side,it was almost a norm).

I guess they did not see what I saw.

So....

I told Ik everything. Everytime they call or even ask for my number ,we already knew whats up.He never took actions of his female friends/colleagues personal. Same here,at this point,I don't think they are bad or evil people,I still like most of them in a way,what they tried to do is just a reflection of their own reality and lifestyle. I don't even think their intention was bad ,girls pray to meet such wealthy men everyday. I guess they just thought we could all (me and them) benefit out of it(PIMPING).

What was really important  to Ik was the fact that I was honest and transparent with him and I'm sure his heart smiled because it seemed like his intuition about me did not fail him.

But I was VERY surprised.
With myself. Something was so unusual and different.
In my whole life,I was never completely honest or faithful to any man. Ever.Ever. This is not even a matter of a morals (I did not have much of it to be very honest) .  I saw my blessing.

That was a sign big enough .
Nothing really mattered more then one man's heart and no money would be able to buy me that.

Finally,with all the confidence in my heart,for the first time I knew : I have found the One.

Getting Married Does Not Mean You Won A Jackpot!Why So Desperate For Marriage?

Who teaches all these girls that marriage is an absolute purpose of female's existence? In 21st century I still have a feeling like all they teach you since you are born is how to make a "good wife" and "catch" someone who will marry you. Since very early age they teach girls how to suffocate and sacrifice their own NATURE,dreams ,needs and ambitions ,they tell them,in many different ways they must settle and accept/stomach/tolerate whatever it takes,all for sake of "protecting" the marriage,while men are allowed to act how they feel like acting.

That is why most of the women I come across act like getting married is the highest level of acknowledgement a female can get. Like it's a lifetime recognition or something. Like a damn piece of paper (marriage certificate) is a proof that you are better and more superior then other ladies without a husband (?!).

All this would not bother me if I did not see how deep this matter is .Things women do to "catch" a husband? Disturbing.

Let's start with pregnancy.
Intentionally getting pregnant so you can get someone to marry you-common!
Do you REALLY think that you have no other quality that would make someone fall in love and spend a life with you but someone's DNA in your womb? Why is your opinion about your own self that low?
Even of you get married that way,you think that's a success?An accomplishment? Once you receive sense you will understand that marriage is not a FINAL GOAL,it's just a BEGINNING of a whole new chapter with challenges on it's own where you would need a constant support,understanding and compromise for sake of having a peace of mind. So how you think someone who doesn't give a damn about you will help you build a good,happy life? You will suffer even more,every day of your life..but hey,you are married,point proven right? Your church members and your village is happy with you,what more could be more important than that?

You can't force someone into marriage. I mean you can but you can't force them into loving you. No amount of "wife matter" skills,cooking skills,voodoo,juju,blackmails,manipulations or threats can grant you a happy life with someone who does not care about your well being.

Secondly I feel bad and embarrassed on a behalf of the whole womanhood when I see you acting like man is doing you a favor by generously deciding to make you his wife. Like WTF? Is that why you want to kill yourself trying to impress with cooking and cleaning  for someone who is not even sure of acknowledging you as his girlfriend so you can make them see "how good you are" and how much of a "wife material" you are.

Why do you constantly throw your efforts,your best at someone who might not be interested to know (not even handle) your worst? Don't you think that the best of you should be kept for someone who cares about you and who accepts and loves you just the way you are?

Again. What exactly is marriage?
All you want is a celebration and a peace of paper aka marriage certificate?
It's a life,emotions,care,understanding ,encouragement,support,passion and moments you guys share together that really matters and somehow people just do not even think about it. All this can't be faked all because  your friends got married and you feel left out.

I am married,even thou I thought I was never going to get married simply because I did not believe in an institution on marriage because I saw how many people do live a very miserable lives just for sake of having a "correct" picture for society and prove that their life is also "to the book" like it "suppose" to be.
What I understand now is that is most of people do marry for a very wrong reasons,mostly for approval they seek from people around them,to avoid being judged or criticzed.
They settle and that is why they are not happy and that is why marriage seems so be so damn boring most of the times when you look from the outside.

I love my husband more then I can express,of course, we have ups and downs, but our foundation is unbreakable. Why? Because he first got to know my worst,he did not run because I did not appear as a Virgin Mary,instead he was wise enough and  saw my best through it and brought it out of me. We were real. No sugar coating,no "wife material" pretending. I was just me,he was just him and that is what makes us fall in love with each other every day. I call it spiritual ,emotional and mental nakedness.

Marriage certificate itself  is so irrelevant in a life we share together.

Focus on right things and you will have them.
Focus on formalities and that's all you gonna get-a boring formal life.
Most of all,know your worth. He will want to spend his life with you because you are a magical woman,a blessing,the most beautiful good luck charm in his life. A Queen. Not a desperate housewife  that wanted to get married by fire by force because she is "not getting any younger".

Be patient,believe,love yourself and never settle.
The best is yet to come.

Thank you for all the love and support.

Your shares and comments means a lot

.

xx

TurnOff: Your Man Does Not Want You To Need Him

Do you feel unappreciated? You feel like attention you get from your man is not enough despite everything you do for him. You try so hard ,you dress up,you wear clothes he likes,you fix your hair the way he likes,you cook his favorite meals,you do everything you believe will please him.

And there is nothing wrong with that right?

Surely,when you do it to put a smile on his face and when you do all this things to make the person you love happy.

But there is a PROBLEM when you do it to earn approval.

Approval that you are worthy. Good enough. Beautiful.

Approval that you are a real woman . A good woman.

Like your whole existence does not matters without his "certificate".

You need to stop trying to earn love. One is loved simply because he/she is loved,despite all the imperfections or flaws,not because one earned it.

Have you ever been in need of anything? Money,time,attention,love,sex..anything? 

Need is almost equal to DESPERATION,followed with a feeling of not having what you want and accent is hardly on the fact that you don't own it,it's not yours or you are not good/fortunate enough to have it. 

My dear friends,there is no bigger turn off then desperation.

Think about guys you find desperate aka "thirsty". You'd run aways from such dude immediately.

Like why would you want to give a chance to someone who doesn't believe he's good enough himself? 

So that is exactly what turns your man off. He secretly wants you to know yourself what you got(what you workin' with lol) regardlessly. 

It's like you want to sell a product and you don't believe in effectiveness or quality of it. Who would buy it? Would you buy from such seller in the market  yourself because he is begging you to buy it? Of course not. 

Sounds silly,but it's pretty much the same thing with people. 

Stop being in need.

You actually don't need anyone to make you feel good and that way no one will have power to make you feel bad. You must learn to be happy all alone,by yourself. No man or relationship can save you or change your life if you don't have a healthy and loving relationship with yourself first. 

And that relationship with yourself also requires efforts-it does not fall the sky. You have to work on yourself. On your career,inner peace,financial independence and happiness. On your spiritual and emotional growth. On your body and soul. Once you can do it and have it all by yourself suppoerted by self confidence and self awarness,you will never settle for being mistreated in a miserable relationship  because someone does one or two things  for you that you can't do for yourself. If you are happy alone you would never tolerate to be unhappy with other human being and you will be very selective with the type of people you let come close to you.

That is why insecure men love their women being disable to take care of themselves so they can control them. Not just financially. They like them to be insecure and desperate so they can feel like someone is doing them a favor by being with them. That helps insecure man feel worthy.

On the other hand,normal,a confident man would never be attracted to such ladies and that is why you as a woman,you need to know what defines you and you need to be aware of your worth and not to look for someone else to acknowledge it.

So as you can see ,a real woman can do it all by herself..

But guess what?

Real man would never let her,because he still like his woman to feel like a woman. ;)

Lovr yourself,Love him,don't need him.

Thanks for all the love and support! 

Your comments and shares means a lot!

Much Love