Friday, 8 January 2016

How Dangerous Jealousy In Your Relationship Is?

How many of us are battling with this horrible feeling every day? Jealousy is a thief. It steals happiness and joy away from our  relationships. It spreads very fast,like an infection, and step by steap you see it in your everydays activities,every day and every moment you spend  with your partner. It doesn't let you enjoy the moments. It takes over you in a second and you are there feeling so helpless while turning into a person that has nothing to do with "normal" you.

Well,I think there is a tiny seed of jealousy in all of us,that's just a part of our imperfecti humans nature,but that can't be an excuse to let it take over you and your life.

It's a very common,deep and complex  issue in a relationships,and if you can relate,this article I found is just for you.

Let's start from the beginning. What is jealousy exactly and where it comes from?

Jealousy is  a killer. Relationships end because of jealous conflicts and people kill other people because they are jealous.
Imagine this. You are at a party and someone is friendly and you smile. Your partner thinks that you are betraying her. Or your partner tells you a funny story about a former lover and you feel threatened. You feel the anger and anxiety the rising inside you and you don’t know what to do.

Susan could identify with this. She would glare at her partner, trying to send him a “message” that she was really annoyed and hurt. She hoped he would get the message. At times she would withdraw into pouting, hoping to punish him for showing an interest in someone else. But it didn’t work. He just felt confused.

At other times Susan would ask him if she still found her attractive. Was he getting bored with her? Was she his type? At first, he would reassure her, but then---with repeated demands for her for more reassurance---he began to wonder why she felt so insecure. Maybe she wasn’t the right one for him.

And when things got more difficult for Susan, she would yell at him, “Why don’t you go home with her? It’s obvious you want to!” 

These kinds of jealous conflicts can end a relationship.


Jealously is not proof of love. That's such a myth.
JEALOUSY IS ANGERY AGITATED WORRY.

When we are jealous we worry that our partner might find someone else more appealing and we  fear that he or she will reject us. Since we feel threatened that our partner might find someone more attractive, we may activate jealousy as a way to cope with this threat. We may believe that our jealousy may keep us from being surprised, help us defend our rights, and force our partner to give up interests elsewhere.

Similar to worry, jealousy may be a “strategy” that we use so that we can figure out what is going wrong or learn what our partner “really feels”. We may also think that our jealousy can motivate us to give up on the relationship—so that we don’t get hurt any more. If you are feeling jealous, it’s important to ask yourself what you hope to gain by your jealousy. We view jealousy as a coping strategy.


Similar to other forms of worry, jealousy leads us to focus only on the negative. We interpret our partner’s behavior as reflecting a loss of interest in us or a growing interest in someone else: “He finds her attractive” or “He is yawning because I am boring”. Like other forms of worry, jealousy leads us to take things personally and to mind-read negative emotions in other people: “She’s getting dressed up to attract other guys”.

Sounds familiar fam?
What's the next step?
How to get rid of jealousy and set yourself free?
Coming up next,
Stay tuned

















Source: PsychologyToday

13 comments:

  1. Hey, I like your article. I really need to ask you . Can jealousy push someone away and make him indeed cheat? Is this just an excuse for players or do they really feel like in jail? How do you see this? I love how you think.

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    1. Well I think that constant jealousy is very dangerous,doesn't matter if it's coming from a male of female. That means that other person is constantly being checked up,monitored,questioned,doubted,attacked,that means that other person has to deal with hysterical attacks on daily bases and that person is under constant pressure to "prove wrong" and the way you feel terrible(insecure,betrayed etc) while being jealous ,you have to understand that it's also not easy at all to cope with a jealous partner. Intensive constant jealousy makes partner start lying,hiding or stops him from being himself in front of you because ,guilty or not,he is going to be attacked,so it will eventually affect all the activities between you two as a couple,since jealous partner find problem in every occasion. No normal human can enjoy living under this circumstances,nether is healthy,so it's quite expectable for partner to develop his distance. But relationships suppose to be based on ability of detecting issues and fixing it up. If person(not only man) wants to cheat he/she will do it no matter how good the relationship between you two is. And opposite. Jealousy is an issue that has to be treated and solved between u and urself and your partner should be there to support and encourage and help you build a better version of you.

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    3. Thank you a lot! Waiting for your next post. I guess I understand the point now. If you are monitored all the time and pressured better cheat since you are accused anyway.
      Kinda. Not that I would do it but I guess most men have the need ot their freedom. It really has become very stressful to me to deal with jealousy over the years. It's all good till the point other girls are mentioned. I think most men do the same mistake by bringing up their ex girlfriends in the picture. I mean what has passed should stay in the past. But most men get too comfortable sharing their past relationships and one way or another that's the beginning of the jealousy.

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  2. Awesome. Thank u for this. I v learnt quite a lot

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  3. Awesome. Thank u for this. I v learnt quite a lot

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  4. I nearly ended my engagement wt my fiance bcos of jealousy
    Thanks for ds article

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  5. I love this article a lot. It brings me to a close friend of mine back in high school... Never knew his girlfriend not until last year. He's being dating the girl for almost 5 years now. Quit alright I know he's a jealous type but never expected him to portray it so loud and obvious. SuDdenly I got to meet with his girlfriend through social media and we became close friends. I mean BFF. Every of our activities you will think we are dating. Funny enough she's always felt insecure during the course of her relationship with my buddy. And she finds me as the most important person to discuss everything with. Her boyfriend now is attacking her that she's dating me which she has told him times without numbers that we aren't dating. Now he can't come over to ask me if we are. He just pours out the whole anger at her. He's jealous behaviour has really gone far.

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    1. Thanks for sharing your story with us ,very precious and others can learn,thanks

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  6. I feel in dating your friend u tend to minimize ur atom of jealousy becos over time dat I jump into dating wtout really knowing the person I get very jealous n nag over ever little tin n b4 u knw it I end up pushing man away buh recently I started dating my a friend whom have knwn for over 5years now n it's really kind of easy dealing wt him cos I still see him as my friend n becos I see him as my friend still instead of my lover now I just find out I dnt nag or get jealous or complain over tins n smetimes he's forced to asked if I truly love him.... Hehehehhehe.. Wat he failed to understand was that av made mistakes in d past I do not wish to repeat so I think it's important for us to date our friend that way tins become easier.... Thank u maam Sonia for the writeup... Beautiful

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    1. I'm very happy for you dear! Keep it up and thanks for sharing!

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