Tuesday, 12 January 2016

How To Get Rid Of Jealous Behavior That Is Breaking Your Relationship Apart

We all do agree on how jealousy in a relationships can be fatal. It's bad and we gotta get rid of it.
But,first of all,I want you to know that this issue you are dealing with is just like any other issue. Don't give it any extra importance.
You might feel helpless over your own actions and behavior,but You need to know that you are FULLY IN CHARGE! Nobody else has power to change it but you. It might be challenging but ,yes you can!

For a correct start,I want you to know how to make difference between Jealous Feelings and Jealous Behavior.

Just as there is a difference between feeling angry and acting in a hostile way, there is a difference between feeling jealous and acting on your jealousy. It’s important to realize that your relationship is more likely to be jeopardized by your jealous behavior---such as continual accusations, reassurance-seeking, pouting, and acting-out. Stop and say to yourself, “I know that I am feeling jealous, but I don’t have to act on it.”
Notice that it is a feeling inside you. But you have a choice of whether you act on it.

What choice will be in your interest?

Accept and observe your jealous thoughts and feelings.
When you notice that you are feeling jealous, take a moment, breathe slowly, and observe your thoughts and feelings. Recognize that jealous thoughts are not the same thing as a REALITY(!!!).
You may think that your partner is interested in someone else, but that doesn’t mean that he really is. Thinking and reality are different.

You DON'T have to obey your jealous feelings and thoughts.

Notice that your feeling of anger and anxiety may increase while you stand back and observe these experiences. Accept that you can have an emotion—and allow it to be. It's in all of us. You don’t have to “get rid of the feeling”. We have found that mindfully standing back and observing that a feeling is there can often lead to the feeling weakening on its own.

Recognize that uncertainty is part of every relationship.
Like many worries, jealousy seeks certainty. “I want to know for sure that he isn’t interested in her”. Or, “I want to know for sure that we won’t break up”. Ironically, some people will even precipitate a crisis in order to get the certainty. “I’ll break off with her before she breaks off with me!”

Use effective relationship skills :

You don’t have to rely on jealousy and jealous behavior to make your relationship more secure. You can use more effective behavior. This includes becoming more rewarding to each other--- “catch your partner doing something positive”. Praise each other, plan positive experiences with each other, and try to refrain from criticism, sarcasm, labeling, and contempt. Learn how to share responsibility in solving problems---use “mutual problem solving skills”. Set up “pleasure days” with each other by developing a “menu” of positive and pleasurable behaviors you want from each other. For example, you can say, “Let’s set up a day this week that will be your pleasure day and a day that will be my pleasure day”. Make a list of pleasant and simple behaviors you want from each other: “I’d like a foot-rub, talk with me about my work, let’s cook a meal together, let’s go for a walk in the park”.

Everything is a matter of your focus.

Source: PsychologyToday


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  2. Hi Sonia, i need your advice. I'm in a relationship with guy A, he loves me and cares about me, financially ok, im not sure if i love him, not great in bed,when we have fights, we don't talk to each other and this could go on for weeks, i also don't like his physic (he's fat) and the way he snores while sleeping, I talked to him about it , he promised to do something about it but never did, along the line i met guy B, i love his physic, makes me happy, great in bed but he's not financially stable,when we fight, he always want us to settle, we settle, kiss n hug, I love him so much but im confused on who to spend the rest of my life with between both of them. I need your advice urgently, I'm confused 😞

    1. hun if u loved the guy A u wouldnt see all the bads in him but because u dont love him then u wont even like his ways of eating walking and everything make ur choices easily