Friday, 17 March 2017

Men & Domestic Violence (Story From A Reader Shared)

Domestic violence is recently a very hot topic all over social media and I am super glad to see that our woman (and men) are mostly aware that this is something we should not "normalize" or tolerate in any way and that violence and mental&physical abuse has absolutely nothing to do with love and that It's really not  by force to stay in a marriage or relationship that might get you killed.

However,we heard so much from women that been through such a horrible experience,and I am so grateful that they had courage and strength to speak out loud and raise awareness.
But what if.... A victim is not a woman?

So today I came across very unusual email from one Lagos based guy and I really think I need to share it with you guys.

"Good day Mrs Ogbonna,
I am sure you get millions of emails every day but I truly hope this meets you well.
I am a 32 years old lawyer from Lagos and I have been married for 4 years now and I have a big problem.Every single time we (my wife and I) have even the slightest disagreement,she turns into a monster.She starts acting so hysterical,aggressive and abusive. She calls me names such as "idiot","useless fool","pathetic moron" and even worse kind of insults I'm embarrassed to even mention. It made me feel so bad about myself (my self esteem is so low right now) and I don't know why women think that men don't have feelings or that we don't get hurt . We do. I do. We just don't show it all the time like you females do.
However,let me continue.The verbal abuse is just a beginning.
She often hits me or throw things at me. Last time I even ended up with 4 stitches at the back of my neck because she injured me really bad.
The thing is ,I can't and don't want to hit her back,I am a 6'1'' tall man, I think I would hurt her really bad. Secondly I  don't believe in violence. I was not raised that way.
I love her obviously but she really abuses me badly and I'm afraid I can't stand it anymore. I feel helpless because all I wanted is to marry one woman and I wanted my marriage to be for life. We don't have kids yet and to be honest I am afraid to have children with her because I don't want them to suffer because their mom has anger management issues. I work hard,I don't cheat or womanize in any way and I think I am a good husband to my wife.
Please Sonia, I beg you,tell me what to do. I am so confused.
There is no one I can talk to because I don't want my family and friends to start hating on my wife.

Thank you for your time. May God bless you and your family."


Before I give my opinion,I want you guys to participate and share yours.
Please,don't hesitate to comment,your opinion or maybe experience can help someone's life.

Much love!

Posted by at

73 comments:

  1. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 03:52

    it is well broda

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown17 March 2017 at 04:02

      man is looking for an advice n tip and is dis how u contributing ? it is well? what is well about this?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 04:05

      lol nigerians

      Delete
    3. KillBill17 March 2017 at 04:06

      wetin b well abt diz matta abeg? mchwww

      Delete
    4. Unknown17 March 2017 at 04:18

      but for real dear reader be more productive then this someone needs ur help

      Delete
  2. 9jaDragoon17 March 2017 at 03:54

    nawaoooo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 03:55

    it might be juju or ur wife is possessed. it really cud be spiritual somtin.all d best

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown17 March 2017 at 04:02

      call pastor or what? seriously ?

      Delete
    2. KillBill17 March 2017 at 04:07

      Jazz is real o

      Delete
    3. Unknown17 March 2017 at 04:10

      us africans and voodoo.haba

      Delete
    4. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 12:20

      Lol i was waiting to someone to start talking pastors and witchcrafts lmao

      Delete
  4. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 03:56

    chai i cant believe dis o

    ReplyDelete
  5. Unknown17 March 2017 at 03:59

    Get her arrested .

    ReplyDelete
  6. Unknown17 March 2017 at 04:01

    Well we talk about women as victims all the time and guess what ,there r cases like this existing.
    Sad,especially because its seems like guy is a good guy.
    Women complain about men all the time,they say there are no good guys out there and when u get a good guy u abuse him?
    hmm women can be so difficult at times

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 04:03

    if u cant function together then better split ur ways bcs its not bz force to suffer man

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 04:04

    4 years of marriage and no kids? hmmm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown17 March 2017 at 04:10

      stupid comment. some ppl take their time u know. get emancipated we r in 21st century. some ppl dont want to make a new baby every year just cuz they got married.smh

      Delete
    2. Ella17 March 2017 at 12:19

      I agree with JennetLove. Like seriously? Some couples actually take their time to enjoy alone before they start having children. And there is nothing wrong with that. I don't know why you being so chicky

      Delete
  9. Unknown17 March 2017 at 04:16

    Anger management issue are real psychological issue and it can get treated. It really happens,people suffer from it and they also get cured,just that in Africa we don't acknowledge such disorders,we like to see supernatural and spiritual in everything. You should visit a psychologist together. Let a professional handle your matter. It's beautiful that you never touched your wife wrongly and that you still love her. It must not be easy for you,especially as an African man that you are with all our beliefs and tradition.I wish u all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 04:19

    so when man beats woman she must leave but when woman beats her man they should seek for professional help.double standards in dis bish

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Smiles8 April 2017 at 16:53

      Thank you, wonder why we are so biased and don't tell ourselves the truth, he should live the marriage before he gets killed. Four stitch on the neck and we are talking of professional help. Mcheeeeeeeeeeeew

      Delete
    2. Smiles8 April 2017 at 16:56

      Thank you, wonder why we are so biased and don't tell ourselves the truth, he should live the marriage before he gets killed. Four stitch on the neck and we are talking of professional help. Mcheeeeeeeeeeeew

      Delete
  11. JolieJollof17 March 2017 at 05:37

    You are a big fool.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 05:41

    Some women are mad as fuck. No joke bruv. Like I had some crazy ass experienced,my boys too,some chicks are crazy and dangerous,especially them Lagos babes (mostly the ones that seem homely n quiet trying to appear as a wife material) man give them 2 months u go see their true colors. I swear better go after them so called bad girls with them at least u know wat to xpect. Guys should really get wise nowadays before they meet a girl that can do undoable

    ReplyDelete
  13. Kelly On The Beat17 March 2017 at 05:43

    As in nawa o im seriously shakin ma head

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 05:48

    Ur wife is rite dude u r very useless. In fact im sure dat u cant give her wat she needs in bed dats y she's angry. Send her to me trust me she wont misbehave again

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 05:51

      In dis recession i can't really think of helping this ur helpless case dolla rate dey ma mind

      Delete
    2. Ella17 March 2017 at 12:17

      Why do you have to be so rude? So heartless?

      Delete
    3. Anonymous18 March 2017 at 02:17

      U have no shame

      Delete
  15. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 05:54

    D way I would beat u if u touch me once u no go consider doin it again mchwww nonsense no respect na man u be

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 06:04

    Well it seems your wife is angry at something, you need to know whats making her upset and talk about it. When she's in a good mood tell her the things she says to you when she's upset are hurtful, tell her the result of her actions if she doesn't change. If it doesn't work try looking for counselors that can help with Anger issues. If she's willing to change be patient with her and help her it won't be easy but try without putting your life at risk of course.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Looking For Johnny17 March 2017 at 08:14

      But he said she is difficult for communication. Men,when u meet a good woman that can be your pal and your lover please i beg u treat her right. We don't know how to appreciate good things when we have them . Mbok

      Delete
  17. Unknown17 March 2017 at 06:36

    Soniaaaaa i just need to give u a hug 🤗 right now... girl you nailed this one
    They are natural hunters they will have to come and find me... running no no i learned in a hard way!
    One thing women should remember" pour être apprécié il faut être rare".

    ReplyDelete
  18. Unknown17 March 2017 at 07:07

    Pls if for four years you have been dealing with this my brother, even to the extent of stitches, fortunately/unfortunately, am happy you guys dont have kids and I know you must have talked this over with her, there is no happiness, you should go your separate ways.. The fact that you don't have kids makes it easier.. For me divorce is the best option.. Peace ✌

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That Hot Babe18 March 2017 at 02:15

      So u believe in divorce?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous18 March 2017 at 02:15

      Guy said he doesn't believe in divorce o

      Delete
  19. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 07:12

    Slap her once so she can get back to her senses

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 08:12

    What a disgrace for an African man nawah

    ReplyDelete
  21. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 08:15

    Who they epppp abegi

    ReplyDelete
  22. Unknown17 March 2017 at 08:35

    some people sef smh

    ReplyDelete
  23. Unknown17 March 2017 at 08:36

    Try and be useful pls

    ReplyDelete
  24. Amaru ofLife17 March 2017 at 08:38

    i neva hear such case b4.very strange maybe u don marry a witch

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 08:39

    prayyyy oo pray!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 08:40

    deliverance is the answer. contact me I know very good pastor that can help u

    ReplyDelete
  27. hildajack17 March 2017 at 08:41

    Some fellow africans are still so fckin primitive I cant really cope with yall. No wander we are not progressing we are still middle century minded

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 08:58

      shut up bitch u feel smart or what i dont get u .

      Delete
  28. hildajack17 March 2017 at 08:46

    Dear,you seem like a very nice man. Have you tried to visit a marriage consultant or therapist ?Maybe you should give it a try.
    Your wife might be hurt about something or she holds something against you but she has difficulties with expressing herself?
    MAybe she has some sort of a trauma from her childhood?
    Women are very sensitive.
    I am sure there will be a solution to ur problem

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown17 March 2017 at 08:58

      could be..

      Delete
    2. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 12:13

      Exactly my thoughts. Once I had a bf then I simply stopped having feelings for him and ,in a meanwhile,I fell in love with someone else. I was confused for a while so for couple of months I was really mistreating my bf. I was so abusive towards him ,I was just like I can't stand this dude no more. So ur opinion make sense to me

      Delete
  29. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 08:57

    why ppl dont say man might be hurt or sensitive when hegets to d point of beating his wife ? it can only apply on women when they misbehave or what i dont get

    ReplyDelete
  30. Unknown17 March 2017 at 08:59

    Maybe ur wife simply doesnt love u.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Unknown17 March 2017 at 08:59

    or maybe she fall in love with another man

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 09:02

    It is very interesting topic because most of dont even consider men as possible victims of domestic violence even tho its obviously a case at times.
    But some comments tho hmmm

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 09:27

    Hmmmmmmmmmm im jus shakin ma head

    ReplyDelete
  34. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 09:28

    Sir, does your wife know and admit what she is doing is wrong? Is she ready to get help? If she is then she can go for counselling and be taught how resolve an argument without getting physical. If she does not want to get help. I suggest you separate for a while. Also I know you feel embarrassed talking to family or friends about this but now is the time to act.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chelsea17 March 2017 at 12:11

      You have a very valid point. I think it would help us get the better picture if you told us her perception about her own behavior:does she feel right or wrong about it? Because how can you change someone who doesn't want to be changed?

      Delete
  35. Roxy17 March 2017 at 11:54

    Separate yourself from physical abuse then help her seek the counselling that she needs if she refuses you have to walk away. A MAN WHO CAN NOT BE COUNSELLED CAN NOT BE HELPED. Leave it in the hands of God. Do not take on her low self esteeem. She is she and you are you.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 12:14

    Yuppp u on point

    ReplyDelete
  37. Sandra17 March 2017 at 12:25

    Good afternoon Sir. This really touched me because it seems like you truly love your wife. I know how terrible you might feel especially considering all our cultural norms and traditional role of a man in African family. I don't advice you to talk to your family about it because they will hold it against your wife forever (you know some things are simply a taboo in Nigeria) and image you solve a problem you have with your wife,they will still hold this matter against her and it might spoil relationship between her and them for good. Pray,consider seeing marriage consultant,even psychologist(nothing to be ashamed for) and expect the best.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 12:36

    Some people make sense but menhhh some are just so useless #mbooook

    ReplyDelete
  39. JennyFromDaBlock17 March 2017 at 12:45

    We take good honest loyal men for granted then we moan on loud "all men are this/all men are that" .... Sad

    ReplyDelete
  40. Anonymous17 March 2017 at 16:59

    I had a similar problem for ten years,when she starts ranting i leave home for days.i was getting old ,no peace no children.a friend introduced us to emmanuel tv.i watched on youtube ,i saw cases like mind .i visited synagogue church of all nation she was delivered by the prophet
    .we now have children and there peace in my marriage.try it and testify or waik away.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Folake18 March 2017 at 02:12

      Thank you so much for sharing,your comment is truly helpful,not like dis useless fools commenting nonsense wasting our mb

      Delete
  41. Anonymous18 March 2017 at 01:43

    I think you and your wife should visit The SCOAN.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Anonymous18 March 2017 at 02:13

    Try and pray together as a couple everyday

    ReplyDelete
  43. Anonymous18 March 2017 at 03:22

    The wife could be spiritual disturbed and she may not know it.It is the spirit that's in her that's making her behave like that towards her man.She us not doing it on purpose.Am sure at times the wife gets back to her normal state and she's like...Oh My what am I really doing!and am sure as much as she us trying to be good she just can't because of the spirit that's controlling her.Spiritual issues/things need spiritual assistance.I agree with the person who suggested they both visit the SCOAN.They both need to be prayerful too.I hope their situation will soon change for better in accordance to the will of God.
    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)