Tuesday 16 May 2017

"All Men Are The Same!!!".......Wait,What About GOOD Ones?? And The Truth About Women Who Claim That All Men Are The Same?

Men are scums.
Men this .
Men that.
All men are the same.
A man will always be a man.
All men cheat.
Men lie.
Men are players

I am sure you have heard this many,many times,if not said yourself  .
Seems like most women see men as a sort of heartless aliens we have absolutely nothing in common with. As if they came from another planet to hurt us,play us and lie to us. Emotionally cold,cruel creatures,moved by urges and libido.
Familiar ?

For sure,I am my sister's keeper. For some time now I use my platforms to help women all across the globe understand that their destiny is not to learn how to settle for suffering,poor treatments and misery while trapped in a role of a submissive little housewives. Yes,I strongly believe a woman must know her worth and what defines her as a female and a human being:sexually,emotionally,spiritually before she allows society or a man do it for her.

But I also love,cherish and respect men.
Yes ,I do.

And I know that no woman can be treated badly UNLESS she stays and settles for it. Unless she allows it herself as I strongly believe in a power of personal choice,no matter circumstances. That is why I tend to teach women importance of self love: because a woman that truly loves,values and respects herself would  never settle for being treated poorly by no man in this world. She is familiar with her worth and she has nothing to prove to anyone.

Empowered woman will know how to stand for herself,she won't make excuses for her man while being abused,humiliated ,cheated and lied on, but you need to know,I don't support extreme cases where men are being stigmatized and blamed for everything. Why? As I said,no one can do us wrong unless we allow them by staying where we are not happy. And that is nothing but a very personal choice. Got that?

I am here to tell you that there are still good people out there.
Good men. With amazing qualities and pure intentions. Men that crave love. Loyal men. I really meet them all the time (and I am also raising one by God's grace),some of them are my very good friends,however, I feel bad when I see how we bash them and unfairly put them all under the same nasty category. It's really not the case all the time.

And for all young ladies, please don't trust everything you hear. Do not judge the world around you based on bitter experience of few women you came across,no matter how close they are to you.  Keep in mind that ladies who call men "all the same" actually talk out of their very personal,painful experiences based around one man or maybe two and has absolutely nothing to do with entire mankind. ( 7 billion people in this world,how could you possibly know if they are all the same?Lol)
If a woman convinced  herself that "all men cheat/lie/etc..",even though she might not be right,do not take it against her. It is a mechanism of defense. She did it to justify what she allowed herself go through and such woman will never accept any other truth because it would shift her out of the comfort zone she created for herself to function in such relationship without feeling too bad about herself. 

If you personally had a bad experience where you felt like someone hurt or betrayed you,and at the same time you are looking forward to start a new relationship-it is time to let go of of fear,anger and bitterness you carry along from past ,otherwise you will keep attracting exactly the same type of experiences in future because what we focus on grows.

Note: Our past experiences are there to help us get to know ourselves,our potentials and capacities better and not to make general opinions about opposite sex. Once you learn how to love and accept yourself to the fullest, you will not have a fear of someone doing you wrong because you know you won't even consider staying around anyone who happens not to recognize and appreciate your worth.

I will repeat again,there are good and honest men out there (and very single!),and no,it is not utopia and I am not a story teller. And no,good men are not "reserved" for them "lucky girls". They come to women who know what they deserve and do not settle for less. Trust me.I talk from my experience .

More we cherish them, more we will see them.  Do not allow bitterness or fear blind you.

Let's work on becoming better,not bitter!
The best is yet to come!

Saturday 13 May 2017

CHEATING PARTNER ALERT : The Only Person That Can Break Your Home Is The One You or Your Partner Allow IN! (BE CAREFUL WHO YOU REFER TO AS A "HOME BREAKER"!)

We certainly create our personal realities with our beliefs and personal life experiences and I really have no doubt about that.

I never had an intention of forcing my own beliefs on  anyone,especially when it comes to love and marriage, and I don't believe in "right/wrong":it is all matter of our personal perspectives.

If a woman convinced  herself that "all men cheat",she did it to justify what she allowed herself go through and such woman will never accept any other truth because it would shift her out of the comfort zone she created for herself to function in such relationship. 
And there can no be any further argument.Different life experiences bring us different realities.

However,if you truly believe that infidelity is a normal,usual something all of us must live with ("every man cheats" etc) and you simply settled for it,as you believe it's an ultimate fact,and if you,at the same time,found a way to live with such reality and be happy and protect your peace of mind ,then I am happy that you are feeling good and fulfilled because that is a purpose of life.Hey,whatever rocks your boat. 

But if  such relationship makes you feel bitter,insecure,sad,miserable,depressed,anxious and angry,then you have a problem because I do not believe you were brought into this world to suffer. 

I for sure know that your whole anger and frustration is directed towards them bitches that can not respect the fact that he is taken but.....It's not a side chick that is a source of your issue. 
Let's be real: one will go ,another one will come. You already know.

Note,no one can break your home unless you or your partner open door for them and allow them in. 

That is why I truly believe that "home breaker" is actually a married person that decides to get himself (herself) into an affair. 

Most of you justify man's actions (just for the sake of his sex)and at the same time put the whole blame on them women for "daring" to seduce a "poor little naive,innocent thing". I am a married woman sef,but this way of thinking doesn't make much sense to me and I will explain you why.

Yes and unfortunately,women's solidarity is not familiar to every female and some girls do not care if men they are after are married or not,BUT,honestly,that "side chick" doesn't have any obligation towards your home (unless she is maybe your family member or a close friend). 

The person that has obligation to protect and keep your home safe is most likely the same person you decided to build it with.  Yes ,your partner. 

Clearly,it was not that other woman that committed to you but your "other half" did. (unless you guys willingly and mutually agreed on polygamy or open relationship). So whatever the third lady does has nothing to do with you. But the way your partner responds,does!

Don't ever get me wrong,I never said it's ok for girls to chase after married men for which ever reason,but the person who should be an adult and responsible enough not to put your home to risk is that human being you call your man because it's his home as well.
Last time I have checked,it's not by force to have an affair. Both men and women get involved in such with their good and free will.

However,ask yourself : can you spend the rest of your life in misery and bitterness ,comparing yourself to all sorts of different women you have found in his phone,doubting your worth and credibility as a woman, threatening,hating and spying on "side chicks" and shouting to leave your man alone and have a heavy heart every time he comes home late? 

I am asking you now: Is that a life? 
I am not telling you how to live your life,but if your heart can not handle such treatment, then let go of it. Stop convincing yourself that it can not get better then that because "all men.." ...blah.

In my opinion,I do not think that two people can build a life together if honesty lacks.No one is perfect,but TRUST is a must for me.

Personally, I think infidelity has nothing to do with sex. Men and women both equally cheat for different reasons,just that women know how to hide it better since infidelity was never a socially acceptable behavior for a woman as it was for a man all through the history.

And I do not even think that men have a higher or stronger libido then women (trust me!) so I do not buy all these biological theories that claim cheating as a part of men's DNA and nature. Everything is a question of choice.

But I am also very sure that there are faithful people out there (if that's what your heart really craves,do not settle for less). That is not an utopia.I know them. I meet them. There are real and honest men and women out there and it is very unfair to discredit them with "all men/women are the same....." kinda attitude just because you had a nasty,painful experience.

Infidelity is not a matter of circumstances or sex,it is determined with how highly loyalty is rated in your personal system of values . That is all.

I just don't think you should settle for anything that makes you unhappy,bitter and miserable just because you managed to convince yourself that it is the way it was supposed to be and that "everyone gets cheated on". Believe it or not,that is not always the case.

Remember, true happiness is an ultimate purpose of this our short life and not how we appear on the outside for others to judge us.  

Stop looking for who to blame while settling for being treated the way you did not dream of when you were a little girl. Focus on you. Your life is truly all about you and it is never too late to set your priorities in the way that will work for you the best .

There is no shame in the fact you refuse to settle for anything that does not please your soul. 

Saturday 6 May 2017

A Bright Future After Shameful Past?

So many people run away from their past. They are ashamed. They feel like some life choices from God knows when would destroy their reputation,chase away important people from their lives or ruin their future in general.

The truth is you get labeled real quick in this our society like no one has ever sinned before. Everyone holier then thou.

But must your past affect your future?

Let me tell you straight up as an imperfect sinner that I am and that you are : you have absolute right not to be the same person you were yesterday.

I will start from myself: Sonia from 2014,2010,2008 is not the same Sonia typing this for you. It's like we are talking about different people.

You would  simply not do/settle/agree with everything the very same you did even a year ago. And guess what? That's absolutely fine!
A wise man said once:The only constant thing in this world is change. 

Do we work this hard and go through everything we do to stay the same?
Hell no.

I feel like there were so many different people living inside this same body of mine. People with different mindsets,habits,ideas.My life philosophy changed. My ways changed. So many times.
You have right to change your features or anything else about you when you understand that it does not work for your best interest anymore. 
Am I ashamed of all the Sonia's I have met for past 26 years of my life? No. I made a peace with them because all of them had a powerful impact on the person I am proudly today. I have learned how to love and appreciate my past despite the fact that I could as well be ashamed of it. All the experiences and life choices I have made,no matter how wrong,right or shameful they are built this Sonia you know. How precious is that?

Maya Angelou once said: "When you know better,you do better".
It is actually as simple as that. So many times we just don't know. How to know? From where? Experience is the teacher. That is where wisdom comes from. It was not installed in our hearts from the very first day we were brought into this world. Period. We don't always know,but we learn.
And that is just fine my love.

The change we face is nothing but a proof of growth and that is why it's very wrong to discredit your past by being ashamed of it or running away from it.

For sure,not everyone will like the fact that you are growing bigger,wiser,stronger because  it will change your level to the point it passes their own.

"Look at her forming ......... till yesterday she used to....." blah.
"I know this one from way before,the way he was............smh"
"I used to see her doing.........who does she think she is now"

 That is the reason why they become angry and that is the time when they will try and use "embarrassing dirt" from your past against you so they can feel better about themselves and stagnation they face. Clearly,that has absolutely nothing to do with their "morals" or what so every they tend to hide under. When they start talking about who you "used" to be it is because they fear who you are about to become. 

That is why you should not allow it to discourage you and sabotage your growth. Don't ever let it happen.
That is why it's always the best to make a peace with your past even though you might not be the same person anymore.Because what you embrace can never be used against you.

No matter what happened a year,5 or 10 years ago,you deserve the greatness a future can bring.You deserve that change and your past is just a result of you not knowing everything you know today.

Be grateful for it.

Sky is your starting point.

Love you!