How many times such thoughts have crossed your mind when you see a guy you used to have a thing with another babe?
The nature of relationship we had with someone automatically makes us categorize them as permanently "bad"(or good) people and that just comes naturally. But there is nothing as disturbing for our self esteem as seeing that very same guy who treated you like a shit trying so hard to provide a word for another lady.
"What makes her better then me?"
"What does she have that I don't?"
Then,in order to protect your self confidence you look for what to mock or call ugly about "THAT THING" you feel is wrongly and unfairly "overrated" in the eyes of a guy you had (have) feelings for.
(Talking of that,I must share my own experience:when I started dating my husband,I used to stumble across idiotic and pretty much senseless comments such as " ahh this guy is with her only because of her big ass,what else she could possibly offer"/ "oh there is nothing special about her,he is with her just because she is a foreigner"/ "Ik married this girl only because she is oyibo!(light skinned person)" and so and so. Blah.
For real,FOR REAL? Lol.)
Ok,let's get serious again.
We tend to take particular past experiences and people's behavior way too personal then we end up caring the bitterness along with us,and that my friends,it's very toxic and unhealthy.
We simply have to accept the fact that we can't possibly be everyone's best choice and that not everyone we come across will be our best choice in life. And that's absolutely ok.
Human's nature is indeed so colorful and unpredictable and it can't be simplified.. We are moved by different things and same person can show 1001 color and shade of personality to different people: from "he is just so kind" to "what a rude,heartless mofo".
But do you know who is responsible for that?
We,mostly subconsciously,TRIG certain emotions,attitudes and behavior out of people we are with.
It's exactly the same with people.
For example :my husband feels like I am the best woman and wife in this whole wide world but some guy's from my past definitely won't agree with that.Ever.And they have every right not to,because I truly was not as half as good as I am to my husband today. Not because my personality drastically changed but because my husband,naturally trigged the best out of me and that is why he is my husband at the first place.
It's the same with him. I'm pretty sure that there are women out there rolling their eyes every single time they see my posts about how amazing and good he is to me,shouting on loud "Abegggg fake Instagram love" "the guy is a motherfucker" " after everything he have done to me","this girl will learn her lesson" and so and so because he also, probably,did them wrong in a way (if he hurt you in past,sorry ladies,I apologize on his behalf) but as I said,you simply can't and won't be everyone's most ideal choice in life.
Also,don't forget that our partners are reflection of ourselves as well.
They will love us and treat us equally the way we love and treat ourselves.
Believe it or not,everything starts and ends within YOU:
If you have a fear of not being good enough and you lack self love ,that issue will manifest through your partner:no matter how good he is to you,you will always feel insecure,jealous,paranoid until he finally adopt opinion you have about yourself and start acting accordingly.
If you are in peace with yourself,then the same peace will be felt in your relationship.
If you are kind to yourself,you will be able to transmit that kindness to your partner and relationship by speaking life into him/her : you will be able to encourage,motivate and empowering him/her.
On the other hand,if you don't feel good about yourself,if you can't be gentle and loving towards the person you see in the mirror,you will gradually get to trig the same emotion from the person you are with because tension,harsh attitude,complain and criticism will be the only thing circulating in the air. Guess where it came from?
Does that explains why the same man can treat that one woman a way different then he ever treated any other lady from his past?It's not juju abi voodoo. It is not about him,her or you being bad. Or good.
It's just means that a right "chemical reaction " had happened and that two people clicked in the right way,like never before.
Some people simply take the worst while others can,effortlessly, take the best out of us,but again,there is absolutely nothing personal about that.
That is why ,if you hold anything against anyone you should simply let go of it. Forgive. Don't let bitterness block your blessings.
That does not mean you should settle for being treated poorly,but you should not regret anything ether :it was meant to teach you something valuable.
But most importantly,please understand that beginning of that ideal romance you dream of does not starts once you meet HIM. It starts once you discover,embrace and fall in love with yourself,because what you don't cure in singleness will like a disease spread in togetherness.