Longest time guys. Had so many things going on business wise so I literally didn't have much time to write. But I just can't resist this particular topic or rather issue we commonly face in relationships.
However,I believe that we all are very egocentric by nature as human beings that we are and most of the times we assume that world spins around us. ME ,MY needs,MY feelings,MY values,MY desires,MY fears. ME ME ME & some more ME. But yet we are involved with someone and that person also has his/her own ME as well. Problem.
That's how we most of the times get angry when partner doesn't share exactly the same interests,passions,points of view as we do and it's enough to start a war. Drama. Who's selfish and who's not?
Just like most of you (I know you are finding this familiar)I was insisting,arguing,demanding. But then when someone else wants to impact their own will on me,I feel oppressed. Caged. I feel like I can't be who I truly am and OMG.... it's a terrible feeling ! Then I asked myself: "Then who gave you right to do it do someone else?". Not just anyone,but person I claim I love. Huh?
The truth is ,we often misunderstand "relationships" for "ownership". And with time, the idea of "ownership" grows stronger and stronger,especially when we get married. Now that's the time we confidently feel like we (especially men through) have absolute right on other person's freedom. But we don't. Especially not in the name of Love. Because Love liberates.
Life is too short. We can't make someone do things or be at the places where their heart doesn't want them to be just because we decided so. Even if person doesn't have strong mind ,courage or heart to confront you,do you ,from the bottom of your heart,think its fair ? When did Love became obligation or demand? How can you forbid someone you love to do what makes him/her truly happy ? Is it because you decided it's "inappropriate" ? I don't see the point though. Because even if they obey your will and stop doing what pleases their hearts ,it will definitely make them sad and depressed. So what's the point again? Is your demand based on Love? Or your demand is meant to satisfy your hungry Ego /Pride or Insecurities?
Just be fair.
Every man & woman deserves freedom because its an ultimate and the most universal human right in this world. Who are we to make someone's life difficult because they want things done differently then we pictured in our heads.
But also,don't forget to be fair to yourself. As you respect other people's needs,desires and interests you should not forget about your own as well. Many of us keep suffocating and "sacrificing" our own so that we please other people's egocentric expectations towards us and in order to "earn" approval or maybe even "love" and that's so wrong. Because you as well deserve to be loved simply for who you are. And happy & free to live according to what moves you. Don't ever even think that someone will "love you more" because you gave up on what makes you happy to satisfy them. It can never ever happen.
Also if who your partner truly is hurts you feelings and makes you feel unhappy: you have no right to force him/her to change. It's who he/she is. But you also have obligation to protect yourself and let go of what you can't handle. You can't also force yourself into frames that can't fit you.
After all, all we have is this one life. Do what makes you happy regardlessly. Unapologetically.
You've said it all Sonia. Love isn't selfish and love isn't sad. True love loves you and your imperfections. It doesn't leave you shattered and insecure.ReplyDelete
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