Secret Tips: How To Move On & Get Over Person That Is Not Good For You

No matter how strong,reasonable and intelligent you are at times you will feel like a total fool for not being able to let go of someone who clearly isn't good for you.

Emotions are super powerful thing. The most dangerous combination that turns us into senseless,"possessed" sheep is definitely  emotion+ strong sexual chemistry. It makes you forget who you are and what you all about,gives you amnesia for all the standards and criteria you claimed you had,erases sense for pride and dignity and makes us forgive and "swallow" almost everything and anything.
It makes us weak,just like someone put voodoo on you .
You simply can't focus or think of anything/anyone else.

Tension,anxiety,helplessness. Stupid butterflies in belly.
At times when common sense splashes you straight in your face,when you get to put  1+1 together,you can't seem to understand what really happened to you. Is this really you? How could you settle for such a poor treatment by someone who isn't even aware of how precious and worthy you really are.? Someone who turned blind to all your amazing features.

You are tired for not being able to let go of person who clearly doesn't care about you or your well being.
You want a full control over your life,mind and being back!
It's time to let go!

Let's brake the damn spell!

1) FORGIVE YOURSELF
 " How could I let this happen ?"
Anger and serious self blame for "being so stupid " is what we mostly face in such situations.
Then there is shame,especially when you remember all the embarrassing things you "allowed" yourself do and settle for.
How did I guess? lol

This needs to stop it dear.

First step of healing is to accept the fact that this is all just a part of life and growth and that every single person experienced such "madness" at least once in their lifetime.
However, you probably did what you felt like doing at some point of time.It happened for a reason and it surely made you wiser and stronger.
Instead of hating yourself for "stooping so low",be thankful for experience and wisdom you got in return.

2) FORGIVE HIM/HER
In order to heal and move on you must also find a way to forgive the person that you believe is responsible for your heartache.
 "Cheat. Lier." 
"Heartless Fool." 
"He took me for granted."
 "After everything I have done for her."
"He made me look so stupid!"
 "Selfish bastard. "
"He needs to suffer "

I hear you. More importantly,I feel you.

But the bitter truth is : whatever we go through is what we,for whichever reason, allow ,whether subconsciously or consciously,by turning blind to particularly actions and deciding to ignore the fact that people don't always tell us their intentions towards us,but they always SHOW us.

However ,the fact is : not everyone would be capable of seeing and appreciating our worth,but best believe,there is nothing personal about it.
Not everyone can tell the difference between a shiny stone and original diamond.
But that has nothing to do with you.

So here is the deal: find a way to forgive them for not seeing "all that" in you.
And find a way to understand that everyone you cross paths with is there to teach you something very valuable. Don't take that experience for granted.

There is no coincidence in life. Just because he/she turned out not to be the most ideal match for you,that doesn't mean God sent them into your life for no reason. So forgive them anyway because you won't have strength to move on if you keep carrying these strong ,exhausting feelings along with you .


3) ISOLATE YOURSELF
Forgiveness means peace. But that doesn't mean you should poke and scratch your wounds by constantly hearing from person you try to let go of.
In my opinion,you should definitely stop all the social media investigations . Leave the FBI matter.
Stop checking his/hers page regularly. If you consider his/her your weakness and you are afraid that you'll might fall into a temptation of calling or accepting an invite for a new date with the person you are trying to let go of,then go ahead and block their number. Block them on social media.
You need your space to heal. You need time to re-channel your focus and space so "spell" will loose it's effect.
It's ok to blank your "distraction" until you get better and finally move on.

4) BREAK UP WITH AN ILLUSION
It's not in our nature to have positive emotions towards someone who brings us pain. Most of the time it happens that we are not "in love" with actual person but with misinterpreted version of the person we created in our heads. All by ourselves.
We tend to idealize someone we are crazy about to the point we find explanations and justifications for everything wrong and ugly about them.
The best way to let go of someone is to start seeing them for who they truly are.
You need to face true colors of his actions,behavior and attitude  towards you,and to finally acknowledge his lack of efforts and interest.
Every time you start feeling tempted to unblock the contact or call "just one more time" remember the "untouched" picture of the treatment you had to put up with.
Such a turn off! You deserve way better!

5) "AND THEN WHAT?"
So you have a terrible urge to call him. One last time. Send an sms. Insult him. Anything. Just to get
back in touch with the person you try to forget.

Or he called again begging you to come over so you guys can "talk". You feel restless. Maybe one last time. ."What possibly can I loose?"

Nooo!
There is no point honey. Look deep inside of you : it doesn't even feel right!
Temptation is an enemy of progress because it would bring you back to point zero! Then all your efforts would go in vanity. No!
Every time you are in this situation,ask yourself out loud "And then what? What after we see,kiss,have sex? "
Same old,same old huh?
Aren't you tired of walking inside the same old magic circle ?
This powerful question will help you remind yourself of what is pointless and senseless and it will help you fight the temptation.

6) WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Take a pen and paper. I want you to describe your ideal man. Mr Right.
This time without setting for any less.
Write down all his features. He does exist somewhere,you know right?. Best believe,7 billion people on this planet earth,he gotta be somewhere.
Then compare your Mr Right to Mr Wrong you can't seem to get over. Your standards really dropped honey.
Silly you hun?

7) REJECTION IS PROTECTION 
When things don't work  for you it's most likely because it ain't for you!
God doesn't make mistakes . He would make sure He do everything to cut people that are not good for you out of your life. It might hurt you but in future,when you see and meet better and bigger, you will be very grateful to God for pushing misery away from you.

8) FOCUS ON YOU
Idle mind is devil's workshop.
The best way to distract your mind is to invest in yourself.

Don't be lazy,quit with excuses.
Gym,sport,dance classes,learn new skills,find new hobbies,get to know things you have always been passionate about... Self investment oN every possible level (physical,emotional,spiritual) will automatically make you happier,more satisfied and fulfilled.
Self investment is a tool against depression and low self esteem.
It will help you discover your abilities and fall in love with new,updated and upgraded version of yourself.
And more you love yourself ,less you will have time to entertain nonsense.

9)THE BEST IS YET TO COME
This is the fundamental reason and purpose of moving on.
We need to let go of what doesn't feel right so we can be ready to receive what is more then right. It's what makes this life beautiful and worth of living .
Let excitement replace sorrow.
It only gets better.

Diary of a Lagosian : When You Get Intimidated By BIG GIRLS,FAKE ACCENTS & "I JUST CAME FROM ABROAD" STORY TELLERS

I feel like people are under serious pressure and constant competition between themselves.
Pressure to make their friends envious,to appear "richer", more "sophisticated","bigger" or "fancier" and,fam, it really turns out to be ridiculous at times.

"Packaging" is that how you guys call it?
LOL

Well,"packaging" comes in all different shapes,shades and forms,and I could not help it but to make a list of most common ones , I CAN BET,you are already familiar with:

FAKE ACCENT ALERT 

Do you have an idea how many times I have heard ladies and gentlemen mocking people that don't sound "British" or "American" enough?You guys! Common! Is it by force? "OMG ,is it only me or she sounds so local?" . "What a bush girl,no class". (*rolling eyes *)

Talking of myself,do you know how many people told me I should "work on my accent" ("Why don't you try and speak "AMERICAN"(whatever that suppose to mean) it would suit you better"). 

"The way you talk doesn't match your physics".

"Fine girl like you hmmm"

WHAAAT?

I am even proud that I can communicate in English. It's not my language by any means.

I am not British,nor American and I never lived in English speaking country before. And let's be real: Nether are you. And that's just fine. 

God gave me a beautiful gift,I pick languages really fast and if I really wanted to change my accent I would,but I don't really wish to. Why would I?

Be you. Embrace your own. Why do you think someone else's is better?

Truth to be told,some people naturally "absorb" accent after living abroad (even if it's for a short period of time) and that's absolutely normal and ok,but it's very wrong to look down at people for sounding "local" (as you say).
There is a heritage behind that "African" sounding accent ,you know?

Also,it's a shame that so many people forget where we live and that not everyone was able to afford to go to school and learn "proper English". It's really not a mocking matter.

There is also nothing wrong with slangs and broken English.
I know people,especially ladies,who constantly act like they can't speak or understand pidgin,thinking that they will appear "posh" that way.
I find it silly.
You don't see all these foreigners falling in love with it and embracing it even though they never lived in Nigeria for a day?

I find it super charming and cute. 

And most importantly, it's authentically yours.
Who english epp? :)

I AM FROM AMERICA 

So we met at the party. Casual conversation. 

-So where you from ? (referring to a state of origin)

-I am from Washington DC.(proudly,with exaggerated  American accent)

Bruh. For real???

We met in LasGidi. Naija bruh. And you are telling me you are from Washington. Big boy ,what a way to let me know that you are NOT one of them "local" boys,abi?

I get secretly annoyed when I feel like people are ashamed of something I believe they should be super proud of. 

You have a privilege to be familiar with where you are coming from,your tradition,native language. Culture.You know where your grate grand father village is. You know yourself.

Honestly,I think average American wish he had all that. Don't take it for granted. Embrace your heritage.
If I hear Yankee again!

Which Washington Ugochuckwu? 

Grrrrhhmm

I ONLY SHOP ABROAD 

No,you don't. I saw you at Balogun market last week. Hehe

But for real. Stop.
Buy Made in Nigeria,it's  way more cool to support your own! ;-)
I mean ,I understand you like to shop in that massive Dubai mall and yes,malls abroad offer some things we can't find in Nigeria, but "I ONLY SHOP ABROAD" is not an achievement for you to be mentioning it out loud everywhere you go.

First time I came to Nigeria (it was really long time ago) I was invited to attend a big wedding and I needed an outfit badly. However,I wasn't familiar with Lagos at that time so I was thinking it's better to ask someone where can I find nice dresses. So,there was this "big girl" sitting with us so I approached her ,asking where would she direct me to. You guys! Wish you saw girl's face expression. She was openly and very clearly disgusted. "Honey,girls like us don't shop in Nigeria. Ever. We shop strictly abroad " (need I mention strong British accent?lol). I didn't understand what was the whole thing about,I was kind of confused.

However guys. Don't get it twisted,where you "shop"is not a matter of wealth or status.
I know very rich and successful folks who shop in local markets and some of them are very proud of it.
Honestly and very personally,I really enjoy Lagos markets,it feels like an adventure for me. I understand,some people find it extremely stressful,that's ok but there is no need to act and sound  snobbish. Trust me,it's not bringing your value any higher. NAH!

YOUR SKIN IS SO YELLOW,YOU LOOK SO CLEAN AND FRESH.

Wait a minute.

So dark skin doesn't look "clean"? 

I get angry when I hear such comments. Not everything "lightskin" means "beautiful,clean and fresh". Beauty comes in all different shades.
Again,don't think I'm throwing shades on women that bleach their skin,I can never do such because as a female  that I am I am pretty much aware that there is a thing every woman on planet earth (whether she is black,white,asian,mixed etc) has in common, which is : we all want what we don't have,especially when it comes to physical appearance. And we are never satisfied.White girls want to tan,black girls bleach,girls with curly hair want straight hair and girls like me by all means try to get their hair curled...etc... That's just the way we all are.There is nothing personal about it.

However,it's upsetting me that it became a norm to refer to lighter skin as "fresher" or "more beautiful" which,in my opinion,really isn't the case. 

THIS THING LOOKS SO LOCAL! 
I still don't get why so many people refer to LOCAL as if it's something bad or something we should be ashamed of.
Like "local" is opposite of expensive or fancy. Or maybe LOCAL should be for less privileged?
I don't get.
I don't want my son and my future children to grow up thinking that their very own "local" is something they should not be proud of.
Because every single "local" thing about Nigeria is amazing.
Food
Fabrics
Jewelry
Outfits
Music
Nature
People

Priceless.Think about it.

Now don't get me wrong.

There is also nothing wrong with learning from other cultures and adopting different ways that might not be familiar to our own.
I  am a product of different cultures I came across for my life time so far and I think we grow when we  "open" ourselves to differences and unknown instead rejecting it before we even give ourselves a chance to get to know it.

I did not point at this things to mock anyone. Y'all know, that is not my style.

I did it to try and set some of you free of that ridiculous pressure this crazy society puts us through and to remind you that the way you speak English or where you shop is not what defines you,your skills,talents and abilities and that your true beauty and power comes out when you embrace yourself  for who you truly are instead of trying to be something or someone you are not,because what you embrace can never be used against you.

Don't let your "role models" make you feel intimidated because you are not "all that".
You are way more then "all that".

Trust your girl.
You ROCK

XX

See Abuse This Popular,Gorgeous East African Girl Faced For Dating A White Man (Pictures Attatched)

My beautiful East African friend is glowing. She has a new guy who seems to be making her really happy.

Just today,I got a call from her. She was so upset,almost sad.
Then she sent me a screenshots of a terrible online abuse she had to face for having a guy that is not her skin color.

I asked her for approval to share it with you guys,and she said I should go ahead because message and point we try to make is very clear: Love is really all that matters.

Check this out:

It upsets me that to some people we are still nothing but a color,whether black or white, or maybe a tribe. Or any other similar superficial category.

Common people,are we not all just human beings,all of us created by the same hand of the very same Almighty God,no matter how we choose to call Him??

And that same God is Love.
Pure Love.

Put GOD before religion and HUMANITY before division.

I personally don't give a damn about such a foolish stereotypes and I can not entertain them even though my husband and I face very similar kind of a "thing" from time to time as well .

All I can tell you guys......Follow your heart and always be with the person that makes your heart smile the most. Does not really matter if he/she is from your village or from other part of the world.


BTW...
Let me share a picture of this beautiful ,young couple :

Aren't they looking hot together?

My Secrets To A Bigger Booty

Hey dolls!
A lot of you keep asking me what do I do to maintain my body shape,so I decided to share some few tips and secrets  when it comes to my diet because the type of  food you eat is actually what matters the most and ,honestly,doing exercises alone will not grow your booty.

"Does fast food make my butt bigger?
By eating a lot of junk foods it’s easy to think that your butt will get bigger but what’s happening really is you’re destroying your body.
Remember that you only want get a bigger butt and not bigger belly or arms..
That’s what will happen if you eat pure junk foods. You will gain some weight on your butt however, you will get with it a lot of belly fat, flabby arms and the list goes on.
Let’s not forget to mention that the fat you gain on your butt as a result of eating junk foods will make it saggy and floppy.
So the point is, just binging on junk food will not help.

Now remember, these aren’t magic foods therefore, by themselves they won’t work. Adding them alternately in your daily diet along with proper booty workouts will give you fantastic results.
This is a must eat food if your goal is to get a bigger butt. It’s packed with good fats and tons of protein to help grow your glutes (butt) muscle."

So lets take a little trip to my fridge,
I will introduce you to top 12 foods that will help you get flatter stomach and bigger butt :

1) Chicken

Chicken is packed with protein and is beneficial in growing your buttocks’ mass. Eating chicken instead of red meat is a better option because it has less cholesterol.

2) Sweet potatoes

Instead of eating the white rice or white flour you can eat nutritious calorie dense foods such as sweet potatoes which will help you gain mass on your butt.

Sweet potatoes are also known for burning stomach fat

3) Eggs

Egg is one of the healthiest and most efficient forms of protein source on the planet. It’s a very good source of energy that will help to power your workouts and it will definitely help you grow your booty.

Since it’s a good source of protein it will help in muscle building and repair. In this case, we’re talking about your glutes.

It’s best to consume them in the morning as it will help to power you throughout the day and during your workouts.

4) Avocados

Avocado isn’t a good source of protein but it’s a fantastic source of monosaturated fats. These fats will help you gain mass on your buttocks and reduce bad cholesterol in your body.

It contains a lot of vitamins, potassium, fiber and amino acids, all which help you get a bigger butt.

5) Spinach

This vegetable is packed with nutrients and is known as one of the best iron rich foods. It’s one of the best vegetable foods to eat in muscle building.

6)Oatmeal

This is one of the best foods for breakfast as it’s very filling and nutritious. It contains micro nutrients that will help to increase your muscle mass. In other words, it’s a fantastic food to grow your butt size.

7)Brown rice

This is one of the best sources of carbohydrates and fiber and is especially good for eating after working out. It’s very helpful in giving your body the fuel needed to sustain your muscle mass while doing your butt workouts.

8) Steak

For your butt to grow you need a good amount of protein in your diet in order to sustain growth.

Steak is a very powerful source of protein and can definitely increase your glutes’ mass.

So after doing that intense booty workout try to eat a steak for dinner and feed your booty with powerful protein.

9)Greens

If you think eating vegetables is only for weight loss, think again.

Some of the best ones to look for are leafy green vegetables, tomatoes, berries, cucumbers, broccoli and brussels sprouts.

10)Fish

This is a very good protein source especially for transitioning vegetarians.  Some of the most popular ones are tuna, tilapia and salmon.

Fish is one of the best foods to grow your bum because it contains omega-3 fatty acid’s which are known as healthy fats.

12)Protein shake

There’s a reason why body builders love to drink protein shakes before or after their workouts. It’s a fast acting protein source that absorbs in your muscles pretty fast, especially after a workout.

So definitely drinking protein shakes will help you grow your butt bigger.  It helps with building muscle mass.

Eating healthy will also help you feel better about yourself in general.

Natural and healthy ways will take longer until you spot that change you want to see,but key is in consistence.

Take pride in your small victories and,

Don't forget, we all have different body constitutions by nature,so your goal should not be to look like someone else,but to start looking like the best possible version of you.

LOVE YOU

XX

Men & Domestic Violence (Story From A Reader Shared)

Domestic violence is recently a very hot topic all over social media and I am super glad to see that our woman (and men) are mostly aware that this is something we should not "normalize" or tolerate in any way and that violence and mental&physical abuse has absolutely nothing to do with love and that It's really not  by force to stay in a marriage or relationship that might get you killed.

However,we heard so much from women that been through such a horrible experience,and I am so grateful that they had courage and strength to speak out loud and raise awareness.
But what if.... A victim is not a woman?

So today I came across very unusual email from one Lagos based guy and I really think I need to share it with you guys.

"Good day Mrs Ogbonna,
I am sure you get millions of emails every day but I truly hope this meets you well.
I am a 32 years old lawyer from Lagos and I have been married for 4 years now and I have a big problem.Every single time we (my wife and I) have even the slightest disagreement,she turns into a monster.She starts acting so hysterical,aggressive and abusive. She calls me names such as "idiot","useless fool","pathetic moron" and even worse kind of insults I'm embarrassed to even mention. It made me feel so bad about myself (my self esteem is so low right now) and I don't know why women think that men don't have feelings or that we don't get hurt . We do. I do. We just don't show it all the time like you females do.
However,let me continue.The verbal abuse is just a beginning.
She often hits me or throw things at me. Last time I even ended up with 4 stitches at the back of my neck because she injured me really bad.
The thing is ,I can't and don't want to hit her back,I am a 6'1'' tall man, I think I would hurt her really bad. Secondly I  don't believe in violence. I was not raised that way.

I love her obviously but she really abuses me badly and I'm afraid I can't stand it anymore. I feel helpless because all I wanted is to marry one woman and I wanted my marriage to be for life. We don't have kids yet and to be honest I am afraid to have children with her because I don't want them to suffer because their mom has anger management issues. I work hard,I don't cheat or womanize in any way and I think I am a good husband to my wife.
Please Sonia, I beg you,tell me what to do. I am so confused.
There is no one I can talk to because I don't want my family and friends to start hating on my wife.

Thank you for your time. May God bless you and your family."


Before I give my opinion,I want you guys to participate and share yours.
Please,don't hesitate to comment,your opinion or maybe experience can help someone's life.

Much love!

What To Do When He Doesn't Call/Text?

You keep staring at that damn phone. Every 3 seconds you are anxiously checking if you,by any chance,missed a message or a call. Then it finally rings.. Nahh,it's just an annoying friend,or annoying mom. Or the rest of annoying world .

Is he really into me?But things were so smooth last time you met your wonder guy. You can't even assume that he doesn't like you. How can that even be? He was so sweet to you..

Confusion. Wanders. Million thoughts in one minute passing through your head. Different voices telling you different things. Insomnia,tension,anxiety,butterflies in your belly..Will this ever be over?

I don't think there is a girl in this planet earth that did not go through this kind of "torture" at least once in her lifetime (including Beyonce o),possibly several times.
No matter how awesome,funny,pretty and intelligent you are,for some reason,there will always be a time you would feel totally-well... Unnoticed.

What is a natural next step each and every of us goes through ?

We look for justification.
Oh maybe something happened to him.
He must be very busy.
Stress at work.
He is maybe not feeling fine.
Duhh

Then we call.
Then text.
Then call again.

Chasing a guy? Me? No way!
Here you go: how many times you have found yourself doing silly things you thought you would never do? Pride? What pride? Lol

Let me be honest with you:
The best thing to do is to just ignore the whole situation,no matter how difficult that might seem at the moment.

Rule number 1: stop looking for excuses on his behalf. Common.
If you are in someone's mind and heart,it simply can't be hidden. I doubt there is some super natural force that is stopping him from reaching out to you. Let's face it sisters:It's normally just a lack of interest.

Restless soul.
Thoughts Round 2:  "What a heck! Maybe I need to "push things" small. We are in 21st century."

It makes sense,right? Now you feel more comfortable to call again. Text. Then call one "last" time. Network issues..maybe?Well, you get your replies here and there. Casually. Kind of "Lol","cool","sup" etc.
Then he hits you with "Ok babe " . Cloud nine! " He just said babe.This is it!". You feel like he just proposed. Then you go back to read that same message over and over again. He said "ok babe".BABE!

Holluuup Love!
Read my blog posts frequently ,it will give you strength to ignore what needs to be ignored. Lol
In my very personal opinion,supported with my very personal experience,I don't think you should go after any guy. Even if he is the most richest,most handsome dude ever.

Man is a nature born hunter. When he wants a woman,he goes after woman,and that's the only way things feels right.
Even if your "pushing" pushes you guys a mile forward,how long do you intend pushing? Isn't that exhausting?
You should know your worth and value so well to know that you are a jackpot "to be won" & blessing and with such attitude you won't have time for someone who seem not to see that clearly. You really have nothing to prove. Your awesomeness is obvious,trust me.

You are a woman and deep inside you crave to feel like one which would be impossible if you keep forcing yourself to someone who should be the one trying to win you.

Secondly,remember,there are two types of people in this world:
Ones would talk to you in their free time,and some would free their time to talk to you. Keep that in your mind ,it would make your "ignore mission" perhaps SELECTION way easier.

Gradually,I have learnt how to feel so important about myself (not when it comes to my fellow ladies)  when it comes to men to the point where I totally cured myself from a need to justify someone's "casual" attitude towards me. (Well,now it doesn't really matter because I am not single but I'm just saying).
If you feel you are not getting a right kind of feedback from a guy,tell yourself "if we were meant to be,he will find me again " and leave the matter.
It is very important for us ,as women, to learn how to stay loyal to our standards and that is also a way to protect yourself from being treated poorly by your partner in future.


Chin up sugar.

You are more then enough,just the way you are.