Wednesday, 6 April 2016

8 Secrets That Helps Me Go Through Issues In My Marriage

From my own experience I can tell you that issues and challenges in relationships comes in very different shapes and shades : from spiritual ones,to emotional,sexual,psychological,extern,inner,usual or not so usual.

Honestly speaking,my husband and I been through many,not to add  that we also come from different parts of the world and that differences in culture and mentality can cause serious gaps and misunderstandings.

Sometimes testing times lasted to the point I would start feeling helpless,tired,lost,frustrated or even depressed . Then I would feel so lonely and misunderstood,homesick and nostalgic,and it would all make my entire mental state very bad to the point I would create problems out of everything and anything.

That's how I learnt that having a family on your own is not always an easy and smooth journey (especially if you decide to go and marry to another part of the world lol)

But you know what I also realized- Every single problem must come with a solution,no other way around.

No matter which battle are you two fighting ,splash yourself with cold water,cool your hear down and ask yourself: "is that a person I want to share my whole life with for a long,long time?"

Once the answer is positive,I would love you to always keep few things in mind. Simple reminders that will help you go through big life challenges:

1. Don't use issues as an excuse to do wrong things.
No,it's not ok to go for a date with person that is hitting on you because your partner  is "stressing you to death".
Nether is ok to go and sleep with another person because your "sex drive is too much and he/she can't handle it".
All this excuses shows how selfish and egocentric human nature can be. When person you "love" is in pain or mental chaos,you dont stab them from the back and betrayal. Love is about holding each other down and gradually get where you want to be together,not throwing everything away and leaving person you committed to love through thick and thin aside so you can satisfy your needs.
Love is selfless. Rather be there for each other.
Remember,friend in need is a friend indeed.

2.Dont call person you love names. Curses and " I love you" can't come out of the same mouth.
Look,no matter how hot my temper is and how passionate I can get (and yes,nobody can drive you crazy like person you love the most),you can't insult or curse your partner. Words can be sharper then a knife,and some of them your partner will never forget. No matter what,you can't disrespect someone you want to share your own life with.

3. Stop with emotional blackmails.
Get Rid of mind games and emotional manipulations. It's childish and totally not needed in a serious union between two people who are trying to build their life together. Do I need to mention that it's also act of selfishness? Love is not all that.

4. You are not there to be putting blame on each other ,you are there to fix the problem.
Thinking of how to prove your partner that whatever is happening to you guys is his/hers fault is just going to help you sink deeper in the mud,darkness and desperation. You won't move an inch forward. Try and see it as an destructive,useless action that will not help you,nether person you claim you love so much.

5. Don't loose focus,remind each other of a bigger picture and major goals.
Issues are distraction. They make you forget the ultimate essence of your Union and all the amazing plans and goals you are on your way to achieve. It's not the end of the world,nothing is dramatic as it seems. Dust yourself off,pick each other up,don't let little things stop you from getting bigger ones.

6. You play for the same team,not against each other.
Remember ,no matter how angry or frustrated you feel at the moment,you love each other and wish nothing but the best for each other.  Don't let wilding emotions get you tripping- you are not an enemies.

7.Don't ever take your partners qualities,efforts and positive characteristics for granted because you are too busy focusing on "what's not there".
Write down all amazing things he/she does for you to show you how much she/he cares. You will feel guilty when you realize for how many things you are not giving him/her credit for.

8. Focus on solution not on problems.
"You get what you focus on,so focus on what you want" -applies on every aspect of life,so it applies when it comes to your relationship.
Think of what you want to happen not what you want to avoid. Fear and worries will help you attract wrong circumstances. More you think of an issue you are facing,you are feeding it with importance and it will grow bigger and stronger and harder to eliminate. So think twice before you let negative thoughts enter your brain. Let you mind go and explore places you two want to be at.


  1. Sonia thank u for this I have been doing all this to my partner now I know better.God bless u

  2. Thank u. Very good points. But i think these things can be achieved when both parties are willing to work on the relationship. One thing i find difficult is cheating, even though i can forgive, its hard to move on and trust that person again and give them a second chance. But hey Sonia, thanks for sharing. God bless u.

    1. If you are married to the person cheating is the only way I would stay in that relationship and fight. If you all are just in a relationship, I will let that person be free.

  3. I have never really been addicted to a person's blog like urs, please always keep this coming cos most times u don't seem to post anytin ma'am, I can only try to get Better as u inspire me always with ur writeups.... Thank you for sharing ur tots with us... U are loved

    1. I had some technical issues,but don't you worry ,Im here for you now,stay tuned and thanks for coming ,xx

  4. I feel so guilty reading this cos ah do dem a lot and we seem to have many problems with each person blaming the other... it makes me feel bad but thanks to you... Ah can make this work.

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  6. Lovely👍👍 thank u for this words ...