Diary of a Lagosian : When You Get Intimidated By BIG GIRLS,FAKE ACCENTS & "I JUST CAME FROM ABROAD" STORY TELLERS

I feel like people are under serious pressure and constant competition between themselves.
Pressure to make their friends envious,to appear "richer", more "sophisticated","bigger" or "fancier" and,fam, it really turns out to be ridiculous at times.

"Packaging" is that how you guys call it?
LOL

Well,"packaging" comes in all different shapes,shades and forms,and I could not help it but to make a list of most common ones , I CAN BET,you are already familiar with:

FAKE ACCENT ALERT 

Do you have an idea how many times I have heard ladies and gentlemen mocking people that don't sound "British" or "American" enough?You guys! Common! Is it by force? "OMG ,is it only me or she sounds so local?" . "What a bush girl,no class". (*rolling eyes *)

Talking of myself,do you know how many people told me I should "work on my accent" ("Why don't you try and speak "AMERICAN"(whatever that suppose to mean) it would suit you better"). 

"The way you talk doesn't match your physics".

"Fine girl like you hmmm"

WHAAAT?

I am even proud that I can communicate in English. It's not my language by any means.

I am not British,nor American and I never lived in English speaking country before. And let's be real: Nether are you. And that's just fine. 

God gave me a beautiful gift,I pick languages really fast and if I really wanted to change my accent I would,but I don't really wish to. Why would I?

Be you. Embrace your own. Why do you think someone else's is better?

Truth to be told,some people naturally "absorb" accent after living abroad (even if it's for a short period of time) and that's absolutely normal and ok,but it's very wrong to look down at people for sounding "local" (as you say).
There is a heritage behind that "African" sounding accent ,you know?

Also,it's a shame that so many people forget where we live and that not everyone was able to afford to go to school and learn "proper English". It's really not a mocking matter.

There is also nothing wrong with slangs and broken English.
I know people,especially ladies,who constantly act like they can't speak or understand pidgin,thinking that they will appear "posh" that way.
I find it silly.
You don't see all these foreigners falling in love with it and embracing it even though they never lived in Nigeria for a day?

I find it super charming and cute. 

And most importantly, it's authentically yours.
Who english epp? :)

I AM FROM AMERICA 

So we met at the party. Casual conversation. 

-So where you from ? (referring to a state of origin)

-I am from Washington DC.(proudly,with exaggerated  American accent)

Bruh. For real???

We met in LasGidi. Naija bruh. And you are telling me you are from Washington. Big boy ,what a way to let me know that you are NOT one of them "local" boys,abi?

I get secretly annoyed when I feel like people are ashamed of something I believe they should be super proud of. 

You have a privilege to be familiar with where you are coming from,your tradition,native language. Culture.You know where your grate grand father village is. You know yourself.

Honestly,I think average American wish he had all that. Don't take it for granted. Embrace your heritage.
If I hear Yankee again!

Which Washington Ugochuckwu? 

Grrrrhhmm

I ONLY SHOP ABROAD 

No,you don't. I saw you at Balogun market last week. Hehe

But for real. Stop.
Buy Made in Nigeria,it's  way more cool to support your own! ;-)
I mean ,I understand you like to shop in that massive Dubai mall and yes,malls abroad offer some things we can't find in Nigeria, but "I ONLY SHOP ABROAD" is not an achievement for you to be mentioning it out loud everywhere you go.

First time I came to Nigeria (it was really long time ago) I was invited to attend a big wedding and I needed an outfit badly. However,I wasn't familiar with Lagos at that time so I was thinking it's better to ask someone where can I find nice dresses. So,there was this "big girl" sitting with us so I approached her ,asking where would she direct me to. You guys! Wish you saw girl's face expression. She was openly and very clearly disgusted. "Honey,girls like us don't shop in Nigeria. Ever. We shop strictly abroad " (need I mention strong British accent?lol). I didn't understand what was the whole thing about,I was kind of confused.

However guys. Don't get it twisted,where you "shop"is not a matter of wealth or status.
I know very rich and successful folks who shop in local markets and some of them are very proud of it.
Honestly and very personally,I really enjoy Lagos markets,it feels like an adventure for me. I understand,some people find it extremely stressful,that's ok but there is no need to act and sound  snobbish. Trust me,it's not bringing your value any higher. NAH!

YOUR SKIN IS SO YELLOW,YOU LOOK SO CLEAN AND FRESH.

Wait a minute.

So dark skin doesn't look "clean"? 

I get angry when I hear such comments. Not everything "lightskin" means "beautiful,clean and fresh". Beauty comes in all different shades.
Again,don't think I'm throwing shades on women that bleach their skin,I can never do such because as a female  that I am I am pretty much aware that there is a thing every woman on planet earth (whether she is black,white,asian,mixed etc) has in common, which is : we all want what we don't have,especially when it comes to physical appearance. And we are never satisfied.White girls want to tan,black girls bleach,girls with curly hair want straight hair and girls like me by all means try to get their hair curled...etc... That's just the way we all are.There is nothing personal about it.

However,it's upsetting me that it became a norm to refer to lighter skin as "fresher" or "more beautiful" which,in my opinion,really isn't the case. 

THIS THING LOOKS SO LOCAL! 
I still don't get why so many people refer to LOCAL as if it's something bad or something we should be ashamed of.
Like "local" is opposite of expensive or fancy. Or maybe LOCAL should be for less privileged?
I don't get.
I don't want my son and my future children to grow up thinking that their very own "local" is something they should not be proud of.
Because every single "local" thing about Nigeria is amazing.
Food
Fabrics
Jewelry
Outfits
Music
Nature
People

Priceless.Think about it.

Now don't get me wrong.

There is also nothing wrong with learning from other cultures and adopting different ways that might not be familiar to our own.
I  am a product of different cultures I came across for my life time so far and I think we grow when we  "open" ourselves to differences and unknown instead rejecting it before we even give ourselves a chance to get to know it.

I did not point at this things to mock anyone. Y'all know, that is not my style.

I did it to try and set some of you free of that ridiculous pressure this crazy society puts us through and to remind you that the way you speak English or where you shop is not what defines you,your skills,talents and abilities and that your true beauty and power comes out when you embrace yourself  for who you truly are instead of trying to be something or someone you are not,because what you embrace can never be used against you.

Don't let your "role models" make you feel intimidated because you are not "all that".
You are way more then "all that".

Trust your girl.
You ROCK

XX

My Secrets To A Bigger Booty

Hey dolls!
A lot of you keep asking me what do I do to maintain my body shape,so I decided to share some few tips and secrets  when it comes to my diet because the type of  food you eat is actually what matters the most and ,honestly,doing exercises alone will not grow your booty.

"Does fast food make my butt bigger?
By eating a lot of junk foods it’s easy to think that your butt will get bigger but what’s happening really is you’re destroying your body.
Remember that you only want get a bigger butt and not bigger belly or arms..
That’s what will happen if you eat pure junk foods. You will gain some weight on your butt however, you will get with it a lot of belly fat, flabby arms and the list goes on.
Let’s not forget to mention that the fat you gain on your butt as a result of eating junk foods will make it saggy and floppy.
So the point is, just binging on junk food will not help.

Now remember, these aren’t magic foods therefore, by themselves they won’t work. Adding them alternately in your daily diet along with proper booty workouts will give you fantastic results.
This is a must eat food if your goal is to get a bigger butt. It’s packed with good fats and tons of protein to help grow your glutes (butt) muscle."

So lets take a little trip to my fridge,
I will introduce you to top 12 foods that will help you get flatter stomach and bigger butt :

1) Chicken

Chicken is packed with protein and is beneficial in growing your buttocks’ mass. Eating chicken instead of red meat is a better option because it has less cholesterol.

2) Sweet potatoes

Instead of eating the white rice or white flour you can eat nutritious calorie dense foods such as sweet potatoes which will help you gain mass on your butt.

Sweet potatoes are also known for burning stomach fat

3) Eggs

Egg is one of the healthiest and most efficient forms of protein source on the planet. It’s a very good source of energy that will help to power your workouts and it will definitely help you grow your booty.

Since it’s a good source of protein it will help in muscle building and repair. In this case, we’re talking about your glutes.

It’s best to consume them in the morning as it will help to power you throughout the day and during your workouts.

4) Avocados

Avocado isn’t a good source of protein but it’s a fantastic source of monosaturated fats. These fats will help you gain mass on your buttocks and reduce bad cholesterol in your body.

It contains a lot of vitamins, potassium, fiber and amino acids, all which help you get a bigger butt.

5) Spinach

This vegetable is packed with nutrients and is known as one of the best iron rich foods. It’s one of the best vegetable foods to eat in muscle building.

6)Oatmeal

This is one of the best foods for breakfast as it’s very filling and nutritious. It contains micro nutrients that will help to increase your muscle mass. In other words, it’s a fantastic food to grow your butt size.

7)Brown rice

This is one of the best sources of carbohydrates and fiber and is especially good for eating after working out. It’s very helpful in giving your body the fuel needed to sustain your muscle mass while doing your butt workouts.

8) Steak

For your butt to grow you need a good amount of protein in your diet in order to sustain growth.

Steak is a very powerful source of protein and can definitely increase your glutes’ mass.

So after doing that intense booty workout try to eat a steak for dinner and feed your booty with powerful protein.

9)Greens

If you think eating vegetables is only for weight loss, think again.

Some of the best ones to look for are leafy green vegetables, tomatoes, berries, cucumbers, broccoli and brussels sprouts.

10)Fish

This is a very good protein source especially for transitioning vegetarians.  Some of the most popular ones are tuna, tilapia and salmon.

Fish is one of the best foods to grow your bum because it contains omega-3 fatty acid’s which are known as healthy fats.

12)Protein shake

There’s a reason why body builders love to drink protein shakes before or after their workouts. It’s a fast acting protein source that absorbs in your muscles pretty fast, especially after a workout.

So definitely drinking protein shakes will help you grow your butt bigger.  It helps with building muscle mass.

Eating healthy will also help you feel better about yourself in general.

Natural and healthy ways will take longer until you spot that change you want to see,but key is in consistence.

Take pride in your small victories and,

Don't forget, we all have different body constitutions by nature,so your goal should not be to look like someone else,but to start looking like the best possible version of you.

LOVE YOU

XX

Recover Your Relationship: Smart Ways To Avoid Arguments

I have a hot temper by nature and because of that I had serious difficulties to control myself and maintain a normal conversation or exchange of opinions especially when I get emotional or passionate.
At first I never thought this is something I should work on because I did not understand a power of a good communication. I did not know that it's not what you say ,but how you say it. I did not know that a quality of communication is one of the fundamental norms of a healthy relationships with the people around you.

My husband and I are pretty much alike,both very passionate and emotional. His temper is also hot and if I tell you we did not fight I would lie. Arguments can drain you and most of the time are pointless because I can't remember if we ever solved an issue hot headed.
At the end of the day,why to waste precious time you have with someone you love fighting?

So with time,I actually learnt importance of finding a right ways to express myself and experience helped us discover ways that will definitely help you too improve your communication skills and save your relationship from toxic fights and unnecessary arguments.
Once I started living according this facts,the relationship I have with my husband changed for good:

1) We are all different:
-No matter how alike we can be,we all do understand and feel the world around us in a different way. You might hurt or offend someone without even knowing and someone might cause you a pain without intention to make you feel bad. Don't take everything personal.

2) Speak your truth without a need to convince others in it:
-Your partner doesn't have to agree with everything you believe in and that's just ok. That doesn't make him wrong. Nether you are right. Or wrong. Love is acceptance: sometimes you just have to accept his/hers opinion without trying to change it.

3) You are not an enemies;
Anger and frustration can make a person blind,but..HELLO! It's the two of you against the world not against each order. You play for the same team and despite the misunderstanding y'all have,that is the person who loves and cares about you.

4)"I told you so"
And so what? Who doesn't make mistakes? When things go wrong that's the time for you to motivate him/her not to discourage him/her totally.  I'm sure your partner now understands that you had a point but common! You don't have to be annoying.

5) Listen to understand,not to reply.
We all do have ego and ego always wants to be right. And that is why ego makes you egocentric. Your argument is not a court case and no one wins. You should listen to understand where your partner is coming from not just because you can't wait to prove him wrong

6) Ask without accusing .
Just remember how terrible you felt everytime you got accused for something you did not do. Nothing hurts more then when person you love does not trust you. Ask before you jump into conclusions. Also remember: Your doubts and allegations are most of the times product of your insecurities and fears

7) Make peace with Past
No matter what your partner did in the past,if you have forgiven him/her and accepted to move on,then stop bringing it in every other argument you guys have. It can only add oil to the fire and refocus your energy to a very destructive direction.

8) Don't curse,insult or raise your voice
Even though you might say things you don't mean,always know that words are sharper then knife: you'll might forget all the nasty things you said but your partner won't and he might secretly hold it against you .You have absolutely no right to disrespect another human being everytime your head gets hot,especially not a person you have chosen  to be your life partner .

9) Learn how to put yourself in your partner's shoes
Again,we are made to be egotistical creatures and we can truly understand only things we feel on our skin. But with love there must come ability to put yourself in ur partner's shoes so you can know where it pains and from there you would be able to understand his/hers behavior/actions/mood  better.

Am I Afraid Of Bad Intentions/Curse/Juju?

I remember how they used to warn me not to talk about my life or share my happiness on social media,because "people are jealous " and it's not good for them to know what brings joy into my life because they can "curse me".

Honestly,even where am coming from,we have an old belief that "evil eye" do exist and it's normally pointed at something nice,beautiful and admirable.

Here in Africa a lot of  people do believe in a power of bad intention,also juju (voodoo) AKA black magic jealous and envious people use to harm others and I will never forget how my Nigerian family members used to call me to beg me to be careful that "private life is a happy life" because others won't have a chance to use my "happiness" against me.

People in Nigeria (Africa in general) talk about this matter with so much fear so I had to give it a thought.

But let me tell you what I think:
We give life  to everything we believe in.
And, there is one thing about me,everything I believe in and every life philosophy I follow must CONTRIBUTE and ADD positively into my life and my state of mind that is oriented to prosperity,abundance and progress. I don't just get influenced with beliefs anyhow.

So I did a simple calculation: If I adapt this belief,what do I get? If I accept it it and really start living according to it ,what would my life turn to? I would never be free,my mind would turn into my own prison and fear and doubt would take over my being.

Also,what you focus on grows EVERY SINGLE DAY in EVERY SINGLE WAY. I can't imagine the struggle of people that believe in a power of an evil intention/juju/voodoo/curse.

First of all,how TERRIBLE is an idea that another human being(s),a fellow mortals,have a power to determine and affect your life ? How is that even possible? Who is that big?

Secondly,whatever you believe in appears in everything and everywhere around you. I'm sure that such people see a cause of someone's bad intention or curse against them in every single thing that is happening in their lives. That's how you start feeling helpless and unfortunate. The best combination for a very terrible and miserable living.

So make sure your beliefs serve you the best before you adopt them. Let's say-if you don't believe in God ,you can never ever testify His miracles. If you believe,you would see them every single day. It's the same with good or bad luck,or power of evil intention,curse,voodoo.

Do you know what's my motto? Even when I'm passing through very tough paths and due very challenging life times,I believe I am LOVED and FORTUNATE and  that difficult moments are just a bumby ride to my blessings. A tough shortcut that will bring me to something very amazing. If I loose something I believe it's for something better to come.I always repeat,it's not the situation but your attitude towards the situation that will make you win or loose.

Evilness and hatred  does not have power over you if you don't feed it with your attention,energy and fears.