Tuesday, 16 February 2016
Marriage Advice From A Divorced Man - A SERIOUS MUST READ! Part1
Men&women: This is a must read! Wow
The Differences Between Mature And Immature Relationship
I know you wander from time to time if that relationship you are involved in is serious/mature enough to lead to something stronger and permanent.
There are some differences between mature and immature relationships. Familiar?
1. Immature relationships leave unanswered questions in their wake.
But mature relationships don't ask them in the first place. "Is she faithful? Does he love me? How long will we be together?" The mature relationship doesn't require this kind of validation. There's trust, comfort, and security in them.
2. Immature relationships are often missing something.
But mature relationships feel complete. There isn't the feeling of something missing at all. There is no void to fill, no empty spaces to patch up.
3. Immature relationships often exist to "complete" one another.
But in mature relationships, all parties involved are already complete. They don't need to be completed at all. There isn't an attribute found in one but not the other. And if there is, it doesn't matter in the relationship.
4. Immature relationships peter out.
Mature relationships are strong as long as they last. It may seem like a "normal" relationship thing for the two to grow distant to one another, but that's not really normal. The love and passion should be just as alive as the day you found it.
5. Immature relationships seek proxies for fights.
Mature relationships don't use text messages or other people to send messages. They don't bicker over screens. The argument itself needs to be face to face. They need to be able to hug and kiss when it's done. They need to fully experience one another and the pain or dissatisfaction they've been putting up with.
6. Immature relationships find themselves being threatened by outside factors.
Mature relationships are strong, inside and out. No one comes between people in a mature relationship. They're as sturdy as a redwood and tougher than diamonds.
7. Immature relationships function in timelines.
Mature relationships aren't preoccupied with when moving in together should happen. Proposals come on their own time. The length of an engagement is up to them. There are no cultural norms that force their way into a mature relationship. They don't need it.
8. Immature relationships focus on your past.
But a mature relationship doesn't give a rat's ass about what happened to you in the past. Your partner won't care where you've been or who you've been with. All that matters is the here and now.
Source: higherperspective.com
Wednesday, 10 February 2016
How Do You Know When To Let It Go?
Should I try and fix things up or should I let it go?How many times you've wandered? Such a tricky doubt. Especially when you question your genuine happiness,positivity and joy. How do you feel like? Exhausted? You just want it to be over.
But then, you don't wanna give up. You want to try and make things work. Yes,you are not a quitter! Some strong emotions are involved.. Yeah.. Maybe it's just a testing time you two must pass to understand each other better and love stronger...Or ...Maybe is just a sign you should move on.
During our lifetime,God send us different kinda of signs all through our journey. To lead us and direct us. According this signs we move,change and follow the path that is meant to bring us somewhere we need to be for a purpose. But not all the signs we receive from Him are pleasant. Some are quite painful. This signs are humans and situations with humans around us. No doubt- all of them are in our lives for a reason,but when some become a source of pain,frustration and helplessness,then maybe that's the sign we should let go. Meaning: the person fulfilled purpose he/she had in your life and he/she is no longer needed to stay there.
To move to another level,you have to learn to let go.
Clearly,this doesn't mean you should walk away from everybody you have an issue with. There is no relationship in this world (not even with your own mother) that will be smooth and problems-free. Even with your soulmate. We argue,we hurt we,get hurt..And that's absolutely normal. We learn,we compromise and we love to overcome all the issues we face.
So how do you know when to let go?
Their place is not in your life when they no longer add into any form of your growth -weather personal,spiritual,emotional or professional. Instead ,they just take from you- your positive energy,your joy ,happiness and smiles. Constantly.
Again ,that doesn't mean that they are bad people and that you should hate them. Don't even blame them. Thank them.They been useful-they taught you what was needed for you to learn. Be grateful for that. But you need something different now.
Something better.
There is nothing dramatic about letting go. Try and see it as an necessary and needed part of progress. Nobody died. No need for hard feelings.
Note to yourself: the best is yet to come.
Isn't that enough reason for you to smile and get excited again?
But then, you don't wanna give up. You want to try and make things work. Yes,you are not a quitter! Some strong emotions are involved.. Yeah.. Maybe it's just a testing time you two must pass to understand each other better and love stronger...Or ...Maybe is just a sign you should move on.
During our lifetime,God send us different kinda of signs all through our journey. To lead us and direct us. According this signs we move,change and follow the path that is meant to bring us somewhere we need to be for a purpose. But not all the signs we receive from Him are pleasant. Some are quite painful. This signs are humans and situations with humans around us. No doubt- all of them are in our lives for a reason,but when some become a source of pain,frustration and helplessness,then maybe that's the sign we should let go. Meaning: the person fulfilled purpose he/she had in your life and he/she is no longer needed to stay there.
To move to another level,you have to learn to let go.
Clearly,this doesn't mean you should walk away from everybody you have an issue with. There is no relationship in this world (not even with your own mother) that will be smooth and problems-free. Even with your soulmate. We argue,we hurt we,get hurt..And that's absolutely normal. We learn,we compromise and we love to overcome all the issues we face.
So how do you know when to let go?
Their place is not in your life when they no longer add into any form of your growth -weather personal,spiritual,emotional or professional. Instead ,they just take from you- your positive energy,your joy ,happiness and smiles. Constantly.
Again ,that doesn't mean that they are bad people and that you should hate them. Don't even blame them. Thank them.They been useful-they taught you what was needed for you to learn. Be grateful for that. But you need something different now.
Something better.
There is nothing dramatic about letting go. Try and see it as an necessary and needed part of progress. Nobody died. No need for hard feelings.
Note to yourself: the best is yet to come.
Isn't that enough reason for you to smile and get excited again?
Monday, 8 February 2016
Signs You've Found A Person You Should Marry
We normally enter relationships with a hope that we finally found the one we are compatible enough to spend a life with in peace,harmony and that romantic sweet love. Thought of you finally finding your soulmate will definitely bring butterflies in your tummy.
There are some signs you should pay attention on:
1)You trust them.
This is the foundation of a strong relationship. Maybe in past relationships, you'd been given reasons not to trust. This time, it's different though. You just trust them. It's a gut feeling you don't get often.
2)They bring something good to your life.
Every good partner brings something good to your life, even if it's "just" happiness. It doesn't have to be a lot of money or fancy stuff or a cool car. They enrich your life in so many meaningful ways.
3)They believe in you.
No matter what crazy ideas might pop into your head, your perfect partner believes in you. They trust you. They support you. They truly believe that you can accomplish the things that you want and need to. There's no doubt in their minds.
4)They call you out when you need it.
While they believe in you and are super supportive, they also call you out when you need it. They question your plans but not your ability. They want to make sure that you're the best you possible.
5)You want the same things in life.
There's nothing wrong with having different goals in life, but there's a difference between different goals and wanting different things. If you want to travel but your partner wants to stay home and start a family, those are different interests. You shouldn't hinder each other though. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.
6)You love each other.
I mean, without love, you'd just have a really supportive roommate.
Source : thespiritscience.com
There Is A Good Reason Why You Still Single
I salute you!! Yes you! While people are busy telling you what you should do and how you should live your life,you are faithful to your vision and idea of what kind of life you want for yourself! I love it! You understand your worth. You know your powers. You are aware of the fact that you are a blessing and you wait for what you know you deserve ,unapologetically.
Yet ,pressure from the outside is much-mothers,aunties,neighbors they all worried asking how come your aren't married by now as if something is wrong with you. Asking you to low your standards down or "you might end up alone" (with a fear in their voices). Yet you know what you need ,you know that you want a full package,a man that deserves you and all magic and blessings that you can give. Not just anyone.
You aren't desperate . You are not busy trying to trap a man with a pregnancy,lies or blackmails.
You are exclusive. Even though I know exclusivity might feel lonely from time to time,I salute you for knowing what you deserve .
Don't get involved with someone because you "are not getting any younger". Don't do it out of fear you might end up alone. Don't do it because your family said you should do so.
What is meant for you will find a way to you.
Your soulmate is smiling somewhere,on the same planet earth breathing the same air as you ,waiting for the moment he will give you all the love that is growing in him.
What's yours can never be for anyone else.
Yet ,pressure from the outside is much-mothers,aunties,neighbors they all worried asking how come your aren't married by now as if something is wrong with you. Asking you to low your standards down or "you might end up alone" (with a fear in their voices). Yet you know what you need ,you know that you want a full package,a man that deserves you and all magic and blessings that you can give. Not just anyone.
You aren't desperate . You are not busy trying to trap a man with a pregnancy,lies or blackmails.
You are exclusive. Even though I know exclusivity might feel lonely from time to time,I salute you for knowing what you deserve .
Don't get involved with someone because you "are not getting any younger". Don't do it out of fear you might end up alone. Don't do it because your family said you should do so.
What is meant for you will find a way to you.
Your soulmate is smiling somewhere,on the same planet earth breathing the same air as you ,waiting for the moment he will give you all the love that is growing in him.
What's yours can never be for anyone else.
Sunday, 7 February 2016
Little Healthy Trick That Will Help You Loose Weight Faster
Once I discovered this little trick I turned into a every morning routine,I started noticing amazing changes when it comes to my health,skin and body. I used to practice it during my whole pregnancy and I'm still on it. Want to share with y'all this little secret of mine:
This is a method that has proven to help detoxify your body as well as help boost your digestive system and metabolism. A majority of people who wake up in the morning usually begin to brew some sort of hot liquid such as tea or coffee. However, neither of these can bring you the same healthy benefits as a glass of hot water would.
Consuming a glass of warm water first thing in the morning can help with your overall health. Besides,it will help you slim down,get rid of cellulite and make your skin look fresher. These are all perfectly valid reasons as to why you should drink a glass of warm water every morning.
- Decreases Aging Process – Consumption of a hot glass of water in the morning can help slow down the aging process by aiding your bodies naturally elasticity of the skin.
- Cleans Organs – Drinking warm water in the morning can also help your body dispose of unwanted and dangerous toxins from the body. It helps by advancing the food decomposition and amplifies your digestive system.
- Fitness – Drinking warm water can also help raise the temperature of your body that inevitably speeds up your organs, which essentially burns more fat off your body. It also helps with the functionality of your kidneys as well as all other excretion organs.
- Improved Metabolism – Drinking a glass of warm water on an empty stomach can stimulate your metabolism and will trigger the normal function of the body for any pain to vanish. It will help your organism burn fat way faster.
- Condenses Pain – Drinking a warm glass of water can help women with menstrual cramps, increases the improvement of capillary circulation and even offers relaxation for your muscles.
All of these are perfectly valid reasons as to why you should start drinking a glass of hot water every morning on an empty stomach. You add fresh lemon or ginger inside for some extra positive effects.
Cheers !
Source: simpleorganic.com
Cheers !
Source: simpleorganic.com
Saturday, 6 February 2016
Transform Your Life : 6 Facts You Must Always Remember
This is amazing. Helped me a lot to channel and tame my mind in a constructive way,towards peace,happiness and prosperity,not destruction,since the way we think and feel about life in general has a major impact on shaping and directing our lives.
Here you go:
1)You can’t get what you want unless you get involved.
This is something we each forget at some point or another, but it is the truth. If you want something in life, you must get involved in order to attain it. Not many things will simply fall into your lap. You can’t count on that.
2)You are in control of you.
At the end of the day, the only thing you truly have control over is yourself. You can’t control what others do, but you’re in charge of your own actions.
3)Your life is your own creation.
In the same way that you are in control of you, your life is absolutely of your own creation. You decide how it goes. You are in control of your destiny.
4)History will repeat itself until you learn.
One of the greatest rules of karma is that until you learn your lesson, you will keep making the same mistakes. History repeats itself unless you learn something. This goes for entire nations as well as individuals.
5)It’s of no value unless you’ve worked hard at it.
When creating anything of value, it won’t actually have any value unless you’ve worked hard at it. True value in things doesn’t come from how much you spend, but how hard you worked to get it.
6)The greatest victories benefit everyone.
If you yourself get rich, that is great for you, but the greatest victories help everyone, not just the individual. Consider the karmic impact of giving back to the community that gives you support.
Source: Thespiritscience.com
Note For A Day : Had A Terribly Stressful Day? This is Definitely For You
Everyday stress is an integral part of our lives, often we can not skip that, but we always have a choice.
How will we be set in relation to the stress that surrounds us, what meaning we gonna attach to it ,the way our mind is going to proceed it - depends only on us.
We have power over it . We can learn how to change or influence it in a way we choose to.
All physical and mental illness are just the result of our choices and our thinking - you allow what gets to you and what does not.
Work on yourself. Your mental health is a foundation of your physical health- protect it and take a good care of it. It's very valuable.
"When we can't change the situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
Viktor
Frankl
How will we be set in relation to the stress that surrounds us, what meaning we gonna attach to it ,the way our mind is going to proceed it - depends only on us.
We have power over it . We can learn how to change or influence it in a way we choose to.
All physical and mental illness are just the result of our choices and our thinking - you allow what gets to you and what does not.
Work on yourself. Your mental health is a foundation of your physical health- protect it and take a good care of it. It's very valuable.
"When we can't change the situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
Viktor
READER'S SITUATION : "My husband is all the time on his phone and it drives me crazy!"
I got this email today,from a reader,who needs your piece of advice about her situation:
" I love my husband and we really get along well,but he has a habit that is driving me crazy: he is almost all the time on his phone. I trust him,I'm sure he's not talking to other women or anything shady like that,he is harmlessly browsing/reading news/playing games or on his social media but the problem is he works hard and when we finally get to spend some time together he is busy staring at his little screen ,in his own world. I wish we could spend some quality time together,cuddle and give each other the right kind of attention as a husband and wife . I tried to talk to him several times,but every time he tells me that nothing is by force and that I should let him be himself when he's around me and do what he feels like doing in his free time. I really started feeling lonely and I don't know what should I do,that's why I'm sending you this email hoping that you'll might get to share it on your blog so I can hear what other people think about my problem or if anyone had a similar issue to give me a clue how to go about it because this is really affecting me. Thanks "
Anyone guys?
Any similar situation?
What do you think she should do?
" I love my husband and we really get along well,but he has a habit that is driving me crazy: he is almost all the time on his phone. I trust him,I'm sure he's not talking to other women or anything shady like that,he is harmlessly browsing/reading news/playing games or on his social media but the problem is he works hard and when we finally get to spend some time together he is busy staring at his little screen ,in his own world. I wish we could spend some quality time together,cuddle and give each other the right kind of attention as a husband and wife . I tried to talk to him several times,but every time he tells me that nothing is by force and that I should let him be himself when he's around me and do what he feels like doing in his free time. I really started feeling lonely and I don't know what should I do,that's why I'm sending you this email hoping that you'll might get to share it on your blog so I can hear what other people think about my problem or if anyone had a similar issue to give me a clue how to go about it because this is really affecting me. Thanks "
Anyone guys?
Any similar situation?
What do you think she should do?
Friday, 5 February 2016
8 Tips That Will Help You Change Your Partner
Changing someone's ways,habits or particular behaviors might not be an easy task-no one likes being told what to do or how to do it. Human's ego is really fragile and sensitive and any point of correction might make us feel like we are not good or brilliant enough in eyes of the person we suppose to be the most amazing and appealing creature on planet earth.
To avoid spite,anger,hurt feelings from the other side or opposite/side effects of what your intentions are ,there are some few advices (and tricks)that might help you to carry out the mission successfully without spoiling relationship between you two love birds or making your partner feel less than he/she is:
1 ) STOP COMPARING!!
"Why don't you dress like Mike's wife?",Why you never take me out! See how Ann's husband goes out with her all the time?"; "Couldn't you be more hardworking,can't you see how they handle their things?".. Oh well,I know you want to let your partner know what exactly he's doing wrong with an colorful example,BUT, this is the wrongest approach ever- it won't bring you nowhere. You will hurt your partner's ego badly ("Go to him if he's what you want and leave me alone " kinda thing). It will probably cause anger and spite in your partner's heart so there is a big chance that you will start seeing more of things you wanted to change about him/her. Besides,it might affect his/hers self confidence followed by jealousy since comparison is a great way to make him/her feel like he/she is not good enough (or at least not as Ann's husband).
2 ) SHOW APPRECIATION EVERY CHANCE YOU GET
Start seeing everything your partner does for you as an act of good will and love and stop considering his actions as something he is obligated to do-even when it comes to the most common things. Idea of someone being obliged on something kills sense of appreciation ("are you expecting me to clap for you? That's what every normal man suppose to do!"). The truth is,more you appreciate person and his/her actions towards you on loud,more you are motivating him/her to continue with the same behavior.
3 ) SPEAK LIFE INTO HIM/HER
Sometimes life just happens. Your partner lost job,got involved in a court case etc.. And it's like you couldn't wait to rub one "I told you so!" right in his/hers face. "Didn't I tell you? Smh But you won't listen. You like acting smart,ha? Let me see what you gonna do now!" Familiarrrrrr??? Hm hmm well,we all did it at least once . Tempting right? But common- that's a human you love. Do you know how badly you need a support and words of encouragement in moments when you feel like your life is felling apart? Even if you won't admit,you know how desperately you hope someone will hug you and tell you that things aren't really that bad,that everything will be ok.Everybody made some bad decisions at some point and y'all know how difficult regrets can be,but nothing is more medical,helpful and priceless then to have that one person to tell you "I got you,everything is a blessing,better things are coming our way,I believe in you!" . Positive words have such a strong power. If you are capable of giving a human hope and faith during the testing times,then your are his blessing. Your words have power to give someone a better,new,clearer perspective ,wings to fly,strength to move mountains. No matter what are you going through,be your partner's backbone. Give him hand ,pull him/her up when he/she falls down. We are all humans,it happens. By the way,this is the best way to initiate change you want to see. We are naturally willed to accept ideas of person that hold us down rather then someone who is constantly bringing us down with nags,sarcasm and complains.
4 ) TELL THEM YOU ARE PROUD
I think knowing you made someone you love proud is one of the most powerful driving forces ever! It gives you strength to continue,to work harder and better. So make sure he/she knows how proud you are of every single effort he/she puts into achieving any form of any positive change.
5 ) EXPRESS YOURSELF WITHOUT ARGUING
Learn how to express your feelings without any form of aggression or anger. Don't expect people to read your mind. Explain your feelings and precisely describe how and why particular things in your partner's behavior made you feel the way you do. Keep in your mind that he/she probably didn't plan to hurt or annoy you intentionally,we are all different humans and same things affect us differently. There is absolutely no need to attack,assume,judge or give unnecessary stubborn attitude. That's childish. Talk to be heard and listen to understand. You two are not enemies. Don't insult. If you want to explain your partner why and what you want to change,then learn how to communicate first.
6 ) STOP MAKING HIM/HER FEEL GUILTY
"It's all your fault!" , "Because of you I am now...." ,"I would live better life if I didn't end up with you!". Well,if you really feel that way then go look for someone else. But if you say that to your partner with no intention of leaving,it's very very wrong. Nobody is ever responsible for whatever is happening to us. We allowed everything that comes our way. So the only person to "blame" is the one in the mirror. If you don't like something about your life than work on it. Deal with it. Fix it. Putting blame is waste of time and energy. It's totally pointless. You are not a victim.
Don't put yourself in that role.
7 ) MORE ENCOURAGEMENT, LESS COMPLAINS
You wish your partner was more hardworking/ambitious/supportive/generous/outgoing/romantic/passionate etc? Then start referring to them as they already are.
Instead of hissing,underestimating,nagging,complaining,rolling eyes and being dramatic,try this little trick. But,you have to truly,from the bottom of your heart,believe that they are on the right path to a positive change and that soon you will start seeing results of it.
Works like magic. Why? Because your mind,spirit and heart is focused on what you WANT and not on what you DON'T WANT and that is exactly what you gonna get. You will attract it. Straight up.
8 ) DONT POINT AT TOO MANY ISSUES AT ONCE
If you start pointing and counting many different things you don't like about your partner,where he/she went wrong or done badly,you will just cause a contra effect. Instead of making him/her open for your ideas and advices,you will only make person feel bad about him/herself. You will make your loved one feel like he/she isn't good enough ,is it everything that he's doing wrong? When hurt,human's ego is programmed to build a thick wall of self defense because it feels attacked,not worthy or good enough and it refuses to accept any ideas or suggestions coming from the outside even though they might be very right or helpful.Besides,human being can not tolerate this for a very long time. Everyone wants to feel like the best person on planet earth in the eyes of their partner. Point at one thing at the time.
You Feel Like Your Partner Is Trying To Change You- Wait,Is That OK?
Yes,I always tell you that you must be loved for who you are and that also means that you should love and accept people around you for who they are-if you feel like changing an essence of their being that means you are not in love with them but with an idea of them you have in your head.
But,truth for the matter,even the mother you love so much and you knew all your life can annoy you so badly and you would gladly change some of her features only if you could.
Now,when you start sharing your life with someone with who you are emotionally involved with ,doesn't matter how good you are together and even though you are a match made in heaven-there will always be some certain things,routines and habits you would change (with pleasure) about your partner,because you think they are not good for him/her or because it simply annoys you for some reason (maybe reminds you of your bad past experiences etc).
I had different relationships in my life,but the only man I ever lived with was(is) my Mr Husband,and funny thing is we started living together immediately we met (smh now I realized we never dated lol) so,naturally,no matter how alike we are and how nicely we get along,it was still a bumpy ride in a way,but,oh well-at least I learnt a thing or two Im planning to share with you :)
So,let's assume you want the best for your partner,you want him/her to be the best in what he/she is doing,you want him/her to grow,prosper emotionally,spiritually and professionally (well that's what love is about,no?),you also want to see positive changes in your relationship and make it as better and healthier as possible,you have some ideas how things suppose to be done,but,at the same time,your partner has some ways you don't really like much because you think they might be wrong or won't lead him(two of you) in the right direction.
So since change is the only constant thing in life and you know that a relationship with your partner is healthy only if there is an evidence of prosperity and growth (which also requires changes),that means compromises are simply a must in every successful Union between two people.
Problem starts when we go little bit too far and demand change with intention of shaping someone's nature&personality according our own taste and likings. The truth is,human beings are created to be very egocentric and we always strongly (subconsciously) believe that our way/vision/idea is the only right one . We tend to force our ways and points of view on others,without minding their own nature and experiences so we often forget to appreciate them who who they really are by desperately trying to turn them into something they are not.
That's not love. That's Dictatorship. Indeed.
Not everyone must fit my shoes. That doesn't mean we not compatible. If you feel like you must change everything about person you are with,then probably it's better to get a dog you can train to obey you in ways you want. Beauty of love is in power of 1) understanding someone's nature that might be different then your own 2) in finding it unique and appealing 3) in appreciating it 4) in protecting it 5) and having an impact in bettering it.
But how do we know where is a border that not supposed to be crossed between change in the name of getting the best possible version of person you love and attempt of changing who he/she is AKA becoming a dictator?
Answer is simple: you don't make someone "better" by force. You can't emotionally blackmail person to change ("If you really love me you would....."). Nah. Your job is to EFFORTLESSLY,by being YOURSELF,affect your partner's life,touch his mind and soul and become a source of motivation and inspiration for him/her but you DON'T change him/her. He/she will do it him/herself moved by genuine love he/she is getting from you.
Silly example : I'm not really housewife typa girl. I'm a woman of action,up and about,always on some matter. Not that I can't,but I don't really like spending time in kitchen. That's just me. On the other hand,my husband loves to eat his native food (he always looks like a fat cute little kid every time he sees afang soup lol).
But because I love him and he makes me happy in a million ways and I love seeing smile on his face,I learnt how to make his favorite dishes and I got so passionate about it that I made sure it will be the best he ever tasted.
Why? He didn't say "if you don't ,there is who will". Nether he said I must "go and cook because I'm a wife ".
I didn't do it out of fear,sense of obligation or pressure. I did it because it's such an amazing feeling to surprise person you love. If he demanded it by force I would not have that amazing feeling while preparing it for him. It would not be exciting. And guess what? Everyday Im learning more because my efforts are being appreciated. That's motivating. If it was any other way,if he forced me or emotionally blackmailed me to do so because "that is the normal thing every good woman does "blah blah(even if it might be so),it would be quite pointless because it would not be done out of love nether my good will.
You change your ways and you compromise for person you love because YOU WANT TO SEE THEM HAPPY. Not because there is a norm. Not because someone is threatening you or comparing you. Thats what makes it amazing. But, the catch is : it must be MUTUAL. Otherwise would be pretty much meaningless.
You can't expect from someone to change his entire lifestyle(doesn't matter how bad it was) to please you without you being able to put on some efforts and meet person half way.
Note to yourself: "wrong" or "right" doesn't exist . There are only different ways of getting the same thing done. We were all brought up in different ways,not to mention different cultures and systems of values,so forget that "You must do it because it's the way it SHOULD be done".
Maybe in your own world,but not necessary in my own too!
My hubby and I are from two different parts of the world,different cultures,traditions and ways that might increase individual differences between two humans,but still,no matter my good will from a very start to adapt/learn and all the interest and love I have for his own culture,I would never ever put this much efforts if it wasn't mutual or if I didn't feel a good will from his own side to learn about my ways,points of view and adjust in a way as well. Gotta be 50/50.
If you only expect from your partner to change and adapt that means you feel kind of superior towards him/her and life in a union with you would be equal prison because you will never be capable of understanding and appreciating your partner's true nature,needs and efforts.
But,truth for the matter,even the mother you love so much and you knew all your life can annoy you so badly and you would gladly change some of her features only if you could.
Now,when you start sharing your life with someone with who you are emotionally involved with ,doesn't matter how good you are together and even though you are a match made in heaven-there will always be some certain things,routines and habits you would change (with pleasure) about your partner,because you think they are not good for him/her or because it simply annoys you for some reason (maybe reminds you of your bad past experiences etc).
I had different relationships in my life,but the only man I ever lived with was(is) my Mr Husband,and funny thing is we started living together immediately we met (smh now I realized we never dated lol) so,naturally,no matter how alike we are and how nicely we get along,it was still a bumpy ride in a way,but,oh well-at least I learnt a thing or two Im planning to share with you :)
So,let's assume you want the best for your partner,you want him/her to be the best in what he/she is doing,you want him/her to grow,prosper emotionally,spiritually and professionally (well that's what love is about,no?),you also want to see positive changes in your relationship and make it as better and healthier as possible,you have some ideas how things suppose to be done,but,at the same time,your partner has some ways you don't really like much because you think they might be wrong or won't lead him(two of you) in the right direction.
So since change is the only constant thing in life and you know that a relationship with your partner is healthy only if there is an evidence of prosperity and growth (which also requires changes),that means compromises are simply a must in every successful Union between two people.
Problem starts when we go little bit too far and demand change with intention of shaping someone's nature&personality according our own taste and likings. The truth is,human beings are created to be very egocentric and we always strongly (subconsciously) believe that our way/vision/idea is the only right one . We tend to force our ways and points of view on others,without minding their own nature and experiences so we often forget to appreciate them who who they really are by desperately trying to turn them into something they are not.
That's not love. That's Dictatorship. Indeed.
Not everyone must fit my shoes. That doesn't mean we not compatible. If you feel like you must change everything about person you are with,then probably it's better to get a dog you can train to obey you in ways you want. Beauty of love is in power of 1) understanding someone's nature that might be different then your own 2) in finding it unique and appealing 3) in appreciating it 4) in protecting it 5) and having an impact in bettering it.
But how do we know where is a border that not supposed to be crossed between change in the name of getting the best possible version of person you love and attempt of changing who he/she is AKA becoming a dictator?
Answer is simple: you don't make someone "better" by force. You can't emotionally blackmail person to change ("If you really love me you would....."). Nah. Your job is to EFFORTLESSLY,by being YOURSELF,affect your partner's life,touch his mind and soul and become a source of motivation and inspiration for him/her but you DON'T change him/her. He/she will do it him/herself moved by genuine love he/she is getting from you.
Silly example : I'm not really housewife typa girl. I'm a woman of action,up and about,always on some matter. Not that I can't,but I don't really like spending time in kitchen. That's just me. On the other hand,my husband loves to eat his native food (he always looks like a fat cute little kid every time he sees afang soup lol).
But because I love him and he makes me happy in a million ways and I love seeing smile on his face,I learnt how to make his favorite dishes and I got so passionate about it that I made sure it will be the best he ever tasted.
Why? He didn't say "if you don't ,there is who will". Nether he said I must "go and cook because I'm a wife ".
I didn't do it out of fear,sense of obligation or pressure. I did it because it's such an amazing feeling to surprise person you love. If he demanded it by force I would not have that amazing feeling while preparing it for him. It would not be exciting. And guess what? Everyday Im learning more because my efforts are being appreciated. That's motivating. If it was any other way,if he forced me or emotionally blackmailed me to do so because "that is the normal thing every good woman does "blah blah(even if it might be so),it would be quite pointless because it would not be done out of love nether my good will.
You change your ways and you compromise for person you love because YOU WANT TO SEE THEM HAPPY. Not because there is a norm. Not because someone is threatening you or comparing you. Thats what makes it amazing. But, the catch is : it must be MUTUAL. Otherwise would be pretty much meaningless.
You can't expect from someone to change his entire lifestyle(doesn't matter how bad it was) to please you without you being able to put on some efforts and meet person half way.
Note to yourself: "wrong" or "right" doesn't exist . There are only different ways of getting the same thing done. We were all brought up in different ways,not to mention different cultures and systems of values,so forget that "You must do it because it's the way it SHOULD be done".
Maybe in your own world,but not necessary in my own too!
My hubby and I are from two different parts of the world,different cultures,traditions and ways that might increase individual differences between two humans,but still,no matter my good will from a very start to adapt/learn and all the interest and love I have for his own culture,I would never ever put this much efforts if it wasn't mutual or if I didn't feel a good will from his own side to learn about my ways,points of view and adjust in a way as well. Gotta be 50/50.
If you only expect from your partner to change and adapt that means you feel kind of superior towards him/her and life in a union with you would be equal prison because you will never be capable of understanding and appreciating your partner's true nature,needs and efforts.
Thursday, 4 February 2016
Find Out Why They Are Not Capable Of Understanding Your Worth & Value
Amazing story will help you understand some few things about how worthy and priceless you actually are:
"A man went to God and asked, "What's the value of life?"
God gave him one stone and said, "Find out the value of this stone, but don't sell it."
The man took the stone to an Orange Seller and asked him what it's cost would be.
The Orange Seller saw the shiny stone and said, "You can take 12 oranges and give me the stone."
The man apologized and said that the God has asked him not to sell it.
He went ahead and found a vegetable seller. "What could be the value of this stone?" he asked the vegetable seller. The seller saw the shiny stone and said, "Take one sack of potatoes and give me the stone."
The man again apologized and said he can't sell it.
Further ahead, he went into a jewellery shop and asked the value of the stone.
The jeweler saw the stone under a lens and said, "I'll give you 50 Lakhs for this stone." When the man shook his head, the jeweler said, "Alright, alright, take 2 crores, but give me the stone."
The man explained that he can't sell the stone. Further ahead, the man saw a precious stone's shop and asked the seller the value of this stone.
When the precious stone's seller saw the big ruby, he lay down a red cloth and put the ruby on it. Then he walked in circles around the ruby and bent down and touched his head in front of the ruby.
"From where did you bring this priceless ruby from?" he asked. "Even if I sell the whole world, and my life, I won't be able to purchase this priceless stone.
Stunned and confused, the man returned to the God and told him what had happened. "Now tell me what is the value of life, God?
God said, "The answers you got from the Orange Seller, the Vegetable Seller, the Jeweler & the Precious Stone's Seller explain the value of our life... You may be a precious stone, even priceless, but people may value you based on their level of information, their belief in you, their motive behind entertaining you, their ambition, and their risk taking ability. But don't fear, you will surely find someone who will discern your true value."
Not everyone you come across is for you!Respect yourself. You are Unique. No one can Replace you!
"A man went to God and asked, "What's the value of life?"
God gave him one stone and said, "Find out the value of this stone, but don't sell it."
The man took the stone to an Orange Seller and asked him what it's cost would be.
The Orange Seller saw the shiny stone and said, "You can take 12 oranges and give me the stone."
The man apologized and said that the God has asked him not to sell it.
He went ahead and found a vegetable seller. "What could be the value of this stone?" he asked the vegetable seller. The seller saw the shiny stone and said, "Take one sack of potatoes and give me the stone."
The man again apologized and said he can't sell it.
Further ahead, he went into a jewellery shop and asked the value of the stone.
The jeweler saw the stone under a lens and said, "I'll give you 50 Lakhs for this stone." When the man shook his head, the jeweler said, "Alright, alright, take 2 crores, but give me the stone."
The man explained that he can't sell the stone. Further ahead, the man saw a precious stone's shop and asked the seller the value of this stone.
When the precious stone's seller saw the big ruby, he lay down a red cloth and put the ruby on it. Then he walked in circles around the ruby and bent down and touched his head in front of the ruby.
"From where did you bring this priceless ruby from?" he asked. "Even if I sell the whole world, and my life, I won't be able to purchase this priceless stone.
Stunned and confused, the man returned to the God and told him what had happened. "Now tell me what is the value of life, God?
God said, "The answers you got from the Orange Seller, the Vegetable Seller, the Jeweler & the Precious Stone's Seller explain the value of our life... You may be a precious stone, even priceless, but people may value you based on their level of information, their belief in you, their motive behind entertaining you, their ambition, and their risk taking ability. But don't fear, you will surely find someone who will discern your true value."
Not everyone you come across is for you!Respect yourself. You are Unique. No one can Replace you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)