Changing someone's ways,habits or particular behaviors might not be an easy task-no one likes being told what to do or how to do it. Human's ego is really fragile and sensitive and any point of correction might make us feel like we are not good or brilliant enough in eyes of the person we suppose to be the most amazing and appealing creature on planet earth.
To avoid spite,anger,hurt feelings from the other side or opposite/side effects of what your intentions are ,there are some few advices (and tricks)that might help you to carry out the mission successfully without spoiling relationship between you two love birds or making your partner feel less than he/she is:
1 ) STOP COMPARING!!
"Why don't you dress like Mike's wife?",Why you never take me out! See how Ann's husband goes out with her all the time?"; "Couldn't you be more hardworking,can't you see how they handle their things?".. Oh well,I know you want to let your partner know what exactly he's doing wrong with an colorful example,BUT, this is the wrongest approach ever- it won't bring you nowhere. You will hurt your partner's ego badly ("Go to him if he's what you want and leave me alone " kinda thing). It will probably cause anger and spite in your partner's heart so there is a big chance that you will start seeing more of things you wanted to change about him/her. Besides,it might affect his/hers self confidence followed by jealousy since comparison is a great way to make him/her feel like he/she is not good enough (or at least not as Ann's husband).
2 ) SHOW APPRECIATION EVERY CHANCE YOU GET
Start seeing everything your partner does for you as an act of good will and love and stop considering his actions as something he is obligated to do-even when it comes to the most common things. Idea of someone being obliged on something kills sense of appreciation ("are you expecting me to clap for you? That's what every normal man suppose to do!"). The truth is,more you appreciate person and his/her actions towards you on loud,more you are motivating him/her to continue with the same behavior.
3 ) SPEAK LIFE INTO HIM/HER
Sometimes life just happens. Your partner lost job,got involved in a court case etc.. And it's like you couldn't wait to rub one "I told you so!" right in his/hers face. "Didn't I tell you? Smh But you won't listen. You like acting smart,ha? Let me see what you gonna do now!" Familiarrrrrr??? Hm hmm well,we all did it at least once . Tempting right? But common- that's a human you love. Do you know how badly you need a support and words of encouragement in moments when you feel like your life is felling apart? Even if you won't admit,you know how desperately you hope someone will hug you and tell you that things aren't really that bad,that everything will be ok.Everybody made some bad decisions at some point and y'all know how difficult regrets can be,but nothing is more medical,helpful and priceless then to have that one person to tell you "I got you,everything is a blessing,better things are coming our way,I believe in you!" . Positive words have such a strong power. If you are capable of giving a human hope and faith during the testing times,then your are his blessing. Your words have power to give someone a better,new,clearer perspective ,wings to fly,strength to move mountains. No matter what are you going through,be your partner's backbone. Give him hand ,pull him/her up when he/she falls down. We are all humans,it happens. By the way,this is the best way to initiate change you want to see. We are naturally willed to accept ideas of person that hold us down rather then someone who is constantly bringing us down with nags,sarcasm and complains.
4 ) TELL THEM YOU ARE PROUD
I think knowing you made someone you love proud is one of the most powerful driving forces ever! It gives you strength to continue,to work harder and better. So make sure he/she knows how proud you are of every single effort he/she puts into achieving any form of any positive change.
5 ) EXPRESS YOURSELF WITHOUT ARGUING
Learn how to express your feelings without any form of aggression or anger. Don't expect people to read your mind. Explain your feelings and precisely describe how and why particular things in your partner's behavior made you feel the way you do. Keep in your mind that he/she probably didn't plan to hurt or annoy you intentionally,we are all different humans and same things affect us differently. There is absolutely no need to attack,assume,judge or give unnecessary stubborn attitude. That's childish. Talk to be heard and listen to understand. You two are not enemies. Don't insult. If you want to explain your partner why and what you want to change,then learn how to communicate first.
6 ) STOP MAKING HIM/HER FEEL GUILTY
"It's all your fault!" , "Because of you I am now...." ,"I would live better life if I didn't end up with you!". Well,if you really feel that way then go look for someone else. But if you say that to your partner with no intention of leaving,it's very very wrong. Nobody is ever responsible for whatever is happening to us. We allowed everything that comes our way. So the only person to "blame" is the one in the mirror. If you don't like something about your life than work on it. Deal with it. Fix it. Putting blame is waste of time and energy. It's totally pointless. You are not a victim.
Don't put yourself in that role.
7 ) MORE ENCOURAGEMENT, LESS COMPLAINS
You wish your partner was more hardworking/ambitious/supportive/generous/outgoing/romantic/passionate etc? Then start referring to them as they already are.
Instead of hissing,underestimating,nagging,complaining,rolling eyes and being dramatic,try this little trick. But,you have to truly,from the bottom of your heart,believe that they are on the right path to a positive change and that soon you will start seeing results of it.
Works like magic. Why? Because your mind,spirit and heart is focused on what you WANT and not on what you DON'T WANT and that is exactly what you gonna get. You will attract it. Straight up.
8 ) DONT POINT AT TOO MANY ISSUES AT ONCE
If you start pointing and counting many different things you don't like about your partner,where he/she went wrong or done badly,you will just cause a contra effect. Instead of making him/her open for your ideas and advices,you will only make person feel bad about him/herself. You will make your loved one feel like he/she isn't good enough ,is it everything that he's doing wrong? When hurt,human's ego is programmed to build a thick wall of self defense because it feels attacked,not worthy or good enough and it refuses to accept any ideas or suggestions coming from the outside even though they might be very right or helpful.Besides,human being can not tolerate this for a very long time. Everyone wants to feel like the best person on planet earth in the eyes of their partner. Point at one thing at the time.
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