Why Did My Partner Changed? What do I do about that?

How many times you have been warned to expect a change in your marriage/relationship as time passes ?

Well yes,change is the only constant thing in the Universe,we grow,we learn,and we definitely don't work so hard to stay the same.

But we are talking about different kind of charge here..

My husband and I live together for almost 3 years now. We basically never dated-from a very first day I came to Nigeria to see him ,he "snatched" me immediately (lol),we started living together,so everything happened pretty fast.

We are both very vibrant and alike,so not only we get along and share very similar features,ambitions and life philosophies,we as well used to have mad fun together. However,despite the fact that it seemed like I found a man I want to spend my life with,I still had thoughts,fears and doubts that were making me...well,quite anxious : "what if WE change? Him or me towards each other? " 

Sincerely,between you and I,I love excitement and nothing freaks me out more then an idea of having monotonous,boring relationship/marriage for life , without a spark and passion with someone who gradually stopped appreciating me and started taking me for granted or someone I lost interest  for (emotionally,spiritually or physically).

I took my time. I spoke to many people. I observed my parents,couples who have been together for a very long time,and at the same time I was analyzing my very own relationship with Ik(my husband) : our ups,downs,type of issues we had,how they start,what suffocates them,what makes them grow,when are we the happiest,the nature of communication etc.
What is that in human kind that stops us from being happy with person we choose with our own free will?

Ok.

Ask me again. 

Why do people LOOSE INTEREST and change in relationships after some time?

Or..

Do they?

What if I tell you that the only thing that changes is your own PERSPECTIVE and FOCUS?

More we spend time with a man/woman,and start sharing a life with him/her,naturally,our FOCUS changes from their VIRTUES that used to warm our hearts to their FLAWS .

And opposite: how do we fall in love? By noticing nothing but positive features of that very special person to the point flaws become invisible. Irrelevant. Tiny and transparent.

As time passes,you stop acknowledging all these beautiful gestures of love that used to take your breath away and make your heart beat faster. You simply got used to them. Touches,home cooked meal.door opening,that eye contact,hand holding..
That is how you suffocate it. Its like a flower that needs water every day to survive.

But,on the other hand seems like you simply can't wait to discover a new flaws. Every single day something is just "not right ". Complain after complain. "Why is she so annoying? Why is he so untidy? Could you be more supportive? More carrying? Make more money? Try harder! You used to do this/that. What happened? We are not the same. You changed. It's your fault!"

.

But guess what?
Look deeper.

Your partner  probably still does some of these things just that your brain does not give them the same attention.

We as well tend to make drama over things that used to be irrelevant to us at the very beginning.

The Think about calls you get from your partner. Do you take them for granted now?Your phone rings and  you pick up mechanically,almost like a robot, forgetting how anxiously,with butterflies in your tummy, you used to stare at your phone waiting on the same person to call. Or how you did not care if he/she is 30 minutes late as long as he/she shows up and now you squeeze your face for 3 days because your partner made you wait. Isn't that exactly the same matter? Think about it.

Healthy and happy relationship is not something we pick from the supermarket as a finished product. We build it.

We grow it.
There must be a CHALLENGE. Smooth relationship does not exist because BONDS are not created when everything is perfect.
but if you choose to stay,then YOU make it work.

Building process starts once we TAKE RESPONSIBILITY and stop looking for who to blame. 

.

But the good news is,to change anything around you- you only need to  change yourself : your perception,focus,attitude,point of view.

Neutralize flaws simply by focusing on all these beautiful features with whom your partner added into your life. NEVER FORGET that what you focus on grows and  that is why our partners are a direct reflection of who we are.

XoXo






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